EtoileSportiveDeDerby

some Spanish muck, asked for chips.

Late night at work tonight so treated myself.

My local kebab shop have their 2 hygiene stars displayed so prominently that you'd think they were incredibly proud of them. 
And so they should be. I honestly dont think you could cook a kebab of this quality in a clean kitchen.

Nigelissima on the beeb. I think it is about cooking.

I take it back... my Nan could have scored that and she died 10 years ago.

This aged well
 

Hi all... quick update on the little lady... we had an operation on Tuesday called a fundoplication. As they were putting Clara-Leisa under she stopped breathing (as shocking as it sounds this was the 7th time!) they quickly brought her back round and she was stable enough to carry on with the operation.
After a few days I’m paediatric critical care we moved back to the general ward today. We are hoping this should be the last of her operations for a while (there’s 2 planned further along the line) as she’s had 5 in 9 weeks! 
As a side note I’m brainstorming a lot at the minute as when everything has settled down i want to raise as much money for Nottingham hospital charity, the TOF charity and Lincolnshire air ambulance. Don’t worry I’m not asking for your money but has anybody got any good ideas for some fundraising ideas? So far I’ve got a charity fantasy football league, a few runs, and a raffle for somebody to choose a tattoo of their choice that I have to get. 
Photo of the little lady and her absolutely amazing mummy who’s kept me sane through the last 9 weeks. X

Can this one please be true.
 

I'd 8-2 be Barcelona right now
(Can't believe I'm actually able to make that joke)

Story in the paper of William and Kate visit to the care home in Cardiff where they did the bingo calling over zoom during lockdown.
One of the residents was not very impressed with Will calling skills at the time. He asked her if she remembered it and she replied
"Yes and you did a bl00dy sh1tty job"

Cheers everyone. The one thing I really didn’t want was to spend today in hospital. It’s been tough as because of Coronavirus we are limited to one parent staying and the other is only allowed 2-7. 
She’s doing ok and is expected to make a full recovery, what happened on Tuesday has happened 4 times now (Tuesday was the 3rd) and they are finally acting on it. 
I managed to see my wife and daughter on my birthday, it was only for 5 hours but it could have quite easily have been for none. 
Thank you again to everyone, I just felt like I needed to vent yesterday to release a bit of frustration, disappointment, anger. 
This photo sums up our relationship to a tee. 

I've never really understood why fans hold such a hatred towards referees. Unless they're being lazy or arrogant, why should they be abused for a mistake? What's it going to achieve?
I also think that the idea of the standard of refereeing getting worse is a bit of a myth.

Roy Keen's cat wishes he'd not watched the game...

Just frying up some tomato sausages from Birds. They're looking lovely. You can't beat local quality produce.

Now then ladies and gentleman... firstly I hope you are all well and secondly sorry for the mother of rants which is about to unfold...
As some may be aware from the ‘new parents’ thread I made last year I am lucky enough to now be the father of the most incredible little lady this planet has ever seen, also from that thread some of you may be aware that the pregnancy wasn’t all plain sailing. 
Unfortunately neither does the living side seem to be. Our daughter had corrective surgery to save her life at 1 day old... in the next 44 days before coming home she would go on to have 5 collapsed lungs, 2 cardiac arrests, 1 blood transfusion, 7 ventilations, 2 more surgeries and numerous amount of pain relief/medication.
last Friday though everything was brilliant and me and my wife were finally able to bring her home... the next few days were the best of my life and something that we were robbed of for the first month and a half of her life, we had numerous visitors and for to introduce her to her family.
on Tuesday we went to the park with our other daughter as quite understandably she was quite overwhelmed and a bit jealous about her new little sister... whilst at the park I was feeding Clara-Leisa who subsequently stopped breathing and vomited blood through her mouth and nose. I had to do CPR in the middle of the park on her as the air ambulance (absolutely amazing) and 2 road ambulances turned up. 
Thankfully I managed to get her breathing again and the incredible paramedics and drs kept her going and she’s on the mend.
i don’t really know the purpose of this post but just felt it would possibly help to have a Release.
photo’s included of how she is today as I realise what I’ve written is traumatic and we could be a lot worse... 

It’s fantastic. The reactions of the owners of the objects are wonderfully uplifting 

The Repair Shop on the beeb. The equivalent of bake off, harmless , feel good, nice gentle watch. I just love the craftsmen and women, very clever, very skllled. There are always back stories behind the items and being very average at DIY i am always amazed how they manage ot fix or restore items that look ready for the tip.

That's going to be one hell of a hangover. 

That's a rat, not a dog.

The Repair Shop on the beeb. The equivalent of bake off, harmless , feel good, nice gentle watch. I just love the craftsmen and women, very clever, very skllled. There are always back stories behind the items and being very average at DIY i am always amazed how they manage ot fix or restore items that look ready for the tip.

The Repair Shop on the beeb. The equivalent of bake off, harmless , feel good, nice gentle watch. I just love the craftsmen and women, very clever, very skllled. There are always back stories behind the items and being very average at DIY i am always amazed how they manage ot fix or restore items that look ready for the tip.

I was still using it. Orange lives matter.

On Ipad (old one that is) i get a big grey circle displayed instead of the heart ❤️ for the likes. When i press it i can see all other emojis but again not the heart.

https://dcfcfans.uk/topic/35071-forum-update-010720/?tab=comments#comment-1883557

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
 
  These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
  in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
  the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
 
  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
  WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
  WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
  _______________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
  WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
  WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
  WITNESS: July 18th. 
  ATTORNEY: What year? 
  WITNESS: Every year. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
  WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
  ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
  WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
  _________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
  WITNESS: I forget.. 
  ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
  ____________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
  WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
  WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
  WITNESS: Getting laid 
  ____________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
  WITNESS: None. 
  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
  WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
  WITNESS: By death.. 
  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
  WITNESS: Take a guess. 
  ___________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
  WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
  ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
  WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
  WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
  ______________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
  WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
  WITNESS: Oral... 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
  WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
  WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
 
  ______________________________________ 
  And last: 
 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
  WITNESS: No.. 
  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
 
 
 

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'