Tombo

Related note, I've started to find some help in cryptic crossword books. I know, I'm too young to be that boring but it's a good way to exercise your brain. TV and internet will leave you hollow, and just like when you've neglected your physical body, you've got to even things out with a gruelling run on the treadmill, you have to give your brain a run every now and again. Sometimes you realise you're just going through the motions and not thinking at all. Or sometimes you think but you get stuck on worrying or stressing about something. We've all had those nights where your brain just thinks up horrendous scenarios when you're trying to sleep, in which the missus leaves you and takes the kids and dog or whatever. You know it won't happen really, but the more you obsess the more you convince yourself. Practice 'mindfulness' as they call it. Don't stress about the past, don't worry about the future, focus on the very now. Cryptic crosswords and quiz books will do your head in but you realise how much you relish the challenge once you start. Something to get your teeth into.

Also, dust off the cobwebs on your brain and always find new ways to relax. Some of you might be like me and you get stuck in 'relaxing' routines. Watch the same TV, play the same video games etc... You tell yourself you're unwinding but you know you're not. If you get like that, think of something you haven't done in ages and do it. Even something as simple as just this very morning, I was on the bus with my headphones on and there was a newspaper sat on the seat next to me. I can't remember the last time I killed a bus journey with a newspaper. I did this morning and somehow things felt different. There was a bit more colour in between the lines. Variety is the spice of life.

There, those are free for yous. On the house.

Just now, Parsnip said:

Boom. That's exactly what it is.

Parsnip mash anyone?

I'd prefer a rustlers burger and some internet ...

Definitely nothing to do with our lifestyles...

1 hour ago, sage said:

Maybe it has always been this prevalent and it just seems on the increase as there is greater awareness and openness. This is the case in child abuse, your child is no more at risk of being abducted than in the 60s, 70s or 80s, we just perceive a greater risk 

Yeah, that's a fairly feasible theory. But then if it has always been this prevalent, we've on the whole been living a miserable existence as a species for centuries. Like I say, I don't think I can just accept that life is just the way it is and we are the way we are because we always have been, only awareness has increased. Surely we would not have survived as a species if we had this kind of emotional flaw in us.

I'm inclined to say it's just a modern thing and that our lifestyles are just unhealthy. It's like the obesity crisis for the brain.

14 minutes ago, Boycie said:

Internet causes most problems nowadays.

Internet what? Never heard of it mate...

What the **** is wrong with the world that we live in that it does this to so many of us? Are any of us truly happy? Christ sakes...

I know it's brain chemistry, I know it's not as simple as life is ****, but what are we all doing wrong fundamentally that puts us like this? I just can't accept that this mental health crisis is just the way things are. There must be something we can change.

Is it our diets? Lack of sunlight? Technology? Aliens with a depression ray?

There's more of us than you think, and it's bittersweet to think that. On one hand, we're not alone. On the other hand, how and why is it this way?

P.S. Politely, don't ask me to share my story, because I haven't got one. I'm just miserable as **** and everything is useless and pointless, same as the rest of you. I'm just looking to see if anyone knows what the **** is happening? Seriously? Why are we all ****** up?

On 05/02/2017 at 12:47, WhiteHorseRam said:

I like the way you couch your words.

Are you suite on him? 

On 21/12/2016 at 09:59, mrdave85 said:

MyHermes can eat a bag of d*cks.

Absolutely useless couriers with even more useless customer service. They've lost one parcel, won't attempt to redeliver a second until I get the person who sent it (ebay seller) to tell them to.

Useless.

Old post so sorry to quote you but this happened to my housemate.

MyHermes were supposed to deliver a paint set to him. Nobody was in when they came, so they put an attempted delivery note through the door. It didn't say to collect from someone or that it was with a neighbour. The 'other' box was ticked with a little note saying "delivered over back gate".

Not "left at the back gate". "OVER back gate". The back gate was locked, so best guess, he went round, and threw it over quite a high back gate.

Anyway, we found it battered and upside down in the back garden and when we opened it up, the paint had exploded everywhere. Neither MyHermes nor the people he ordered it from were willing to give him any kind of replacement or refund. Apparently the sellers relinquish responsibility by handing it over to MyHermes. If the parcel is damaged, it's their responsibility to refund or pay for a replacement. MyHermes have the policy that if you don't give them adequate alternate delivery instructions for if you're not in, then it is not their fault if the alternative delivery method results in damage or loss.

2 hours ago, Ashz09 said:

I always remember a mate of mine took psychology up as a job and I'll always remember him saying Depression is a sign of the week and the tablets don't do anything.. They make you think they have and it tricks your brain. It's best to stay strong and sober then dwarf your brain with illusions and fake emotions.. Stuck with me for 10 years that. 

What backwoods university shat him out? I'm guessing like most of the students I know, he never went to his lectures? 

11 hours ago, Bris Vegas said:

Carl Froch came out and said on that performance he'd beat Golovkin. Why even say that? He'd never even make 172 nowadays let alone the 168 super middle weight.

Golovkin is a 160 king. I can't see him moving up beyond 168. 

Froch also used to complain about making the 168 weight. I never saw him brave enough to move up to 175, instead he shouts out how he'd beat fighters weighing 160. What an idiot...

Froch would have beat him at his best, no doubt. Froch has more power and a steel chin. Idiotic comment from someone now retired though. Glove up or shut up.

Brook was ahead because he was landing more shots, with more relative power, than Golovkin. Without being in GGG's shoes, who can possibly know how hurt he was? GGG just had too much size over him and he's good enough at cutting off the ring even against legitimate middleweights. Brook fought smart and managed to avoid a few of Golovkin's bigger shots. Brook was the better technical boxer last night, but Golovkin was doing more damage and hurting him more. If the fight had gone on, the damage would have taken its toll on Brook and GGG would have dominated in the later rounds. There was no danger of Brook lasting to the decision, and there was no danger of GGG getting knocked out, and Brook's team knew this. Therefore the only sensible thing to do was throw in the towel and protect the damaged eye socket.

He might have been ahead on the cards at that stage (rightly imo) but he wouldn't have won the bloody thing on decision would he so what difference does it make?

Just realised I was missing most of this thread because I had curtains on ignore  I now have so much more context

It's all well and good ignoring someone when they irk you but it ruins threads and it just seems silly long after the argument.

Lowest scorers in the season at this point. Also conceded the least. Just points to boring football. It means that Derby County fans have seen less goals after 5 games than any other fans of any other Championship clubs. Very very different from what came before. Is that what it takes? Maybe... Doesn't change the fact that I'm bored.

6 minutes ago, De22Ram said:

Can understand ince! Unsure about Bent and most of the others last summer! Having said that i do wonder how ince effects the harmony in the squad, in terms of his attitude! 

What makes you think he's got an attitude? And please don't slip in the word "apparently" or another synonym that might lead me to believe you're making it up. 

4 hours ago, Animal is a Ram said:

"110%"

3 hours ago, ramsbottom said:

Got to say I'm feeling really low today.  Despite shedding 10lbs in a week on the Cabbage Soup Diet and getting back to running I still feel like a fat, useless slob inside.  I feel that I'm use no as a father or husband, and they'd be better off without me and have my life insurance to spend.  I try to be positive for my wife's sake, but the voices in my head tell me she's sick me and she's found someone better.  I can't stand the thought of not being with them but I feel my behaviour is pushing them away...

As Mostyn says, a change in diet can really mess with your emotions. That's not to downplay how you feel of course. I recently started doing something similar, eating more healthily and running more to support my girlfriend who's trying to lose weight. I told her she doesn't need it but it's for her self esteem so...!

She's had some moments of feeling really down during all this, and I can totally see how you feel. It can be so exhausting both physically and mentally to try to change your life and not see the results.

But like I tell her, don't be worried about how far you've still got left to do, be proud of how far you've come. You got off your arse and strived to change, that's more than most people do.

I'd say talk to your wife. She's your life partner and that's what she's there for. Imagine if the roles were reversed and she felt how you do now. You would want to know wouldn't you? You'd want her to talk. A problem shared is a problem halved.

On 18/05/2016 at 16:09, ramsbottom said:

Sames goes for a lot of fans too.  I have no interest in seeing your #scenes when we score...

Birmingham at home, the two bellends one row down and to the left were more interested in filming the 'scenes' in the away end than watching their team try to come back.

@Ramchop will verify... Had a go at them in his frustration  Naturally they had no response...

56 minutes ago, needles said:

The thing for me is we don't know what AJ's weaknesses are...no-one has exposed any yet.

Haye would be a big jump in quality and a much bigger test because he's a more skilled boxer than anyone he's faced yet, but then I don't think he can bang like AJ can.

I thought Martin would test him though. Every time he steps up in class, the outcome has been the same. 

 

If this is the case though, why is Haye fighting yet another bum? He could fight almost anyone in the division if he pushed hard enough. Instead he's half-heartedly calling out everyone under the sun. Called out AJ, Fury, Wilder and Briggs recently. But then sets up a fight with some Kosovan Josef Bloggski and ducks everyone.

Wait a minute, did he fail to meet the 10 count? Have I misunderstood?

Bit of an early stoppage if you ask me. Still looked like he was in control of his senses, if not totally in control of his gameplan. Maybe the Nick Blackwell sensitivities still playing their part.

I think Martin was just out of his game, not out on his feet.

15 hours ago, Ovis aries said:

Yesterday and our current form must be a modicum of help does it not.

It certainly has put a spring in my step and I needed it for other reasons.

This may only be semi serious, but there's a lot of truth in it. The great thing about having a passion like supporting a football team is that it makes you feel alive. If I stopped jumping for joy when a Derby goal hits the back of the net, or if I felt perfectly comfortable watching a goal drought-suffering Chris Martin step up to an equalising penalty against the league leaders, I'd absolutely seek help.

Right now, I live for the football at the weekend. And it still makes me feel alive. That puts me at ease quite a lot. Even the heartache at Wembley is an experience I wouldn't undo, because it was an experience of raw emotion and I'd hate to lose that.

Always enjoy the little things.

18 minutes ago, Mostyn6 said:

I think another issue for me is that when someone asks "how are you?", and I respond with a quite throwaway, "meh, been better", it's often met with "why? what's up? What's happened?". Problem with me is that I never have any one real specific thing, and I cannot put into words how I feel. This makes me then reluctant to ever open up to those friends. I suppose over time, almost all of my friends have ended up being crossed off my "open up to.." list as a result of this, ending in isolation.

My latest episode of being down was met by a response (from someone very sensitive and compassionate) of "what happened over the weekend then? something must have".

Yeah I get this, people expect you to be upbeat and fantastic all the time. In my experience it's because they're suffering themselves and they've been practising their best fake smile all morning to make sure they didn't give anything away. The reason they're so interrogative is because they want you to talk about your problems. When you talk about your problems, they can listen and most importantly respond and tell you about all their problems.

I tend to find that when I spend too long in a room with someone, it all comes out eventually. Maybe I just have that effect on people that they're reminded of all their problems when I'm around 

It never helps when people respond like that and ask what's happened. It makes you feel like they don't understand what you're going through. But they do, that's why they're asking. If you think back, you've probably responded the same way without even knowing it. People just struggle to talk about emotion, especially men, so these awkward conversations happen from time to time.

Wow that was a long post... I feel bad for having the longest post on this thread when I was talking about such a trivial problem...

See how this guilt thing works? Even now I beat myself up about it from time to time. But it was just a minor thing, I'm sure of that. Could have been worse though.

On 15/12/2015 at 15:00, Uptherams said:

On the blue light point. Anyone can download a piece of software called f.lux for free.  It mirrors daylight and after two days or so of using it you are completely unaware that you are using it. Blue Light is a huge problem, even for people who don't think it is for them. I recommend everyone uses f.lux immediately. 

This is great by the way, thanks!

So onto my experience. I have people close to me that have suffered depression but I know that at least one of them reads this forum and I'm not sure it's my story to tell so I won't.

What I can tell you is my own experience about a year ago. I don't think I was depressed, but I felt kind of 'frozen'. I'm a history student at the University of Derby and when work piled up on me I just stopped. I didn't do anything for about two weeks. When I say didn't do anything, I mean really didn't do anything. I sat at my laptop, posted on dcfcfans, metaphorically phoned in a few dates with my girlfriend, and listened to music. I ate ready meals or pretty much just skipped evening meals entirely. Didn't go out, just couldn't be bothered. It was my first year at Uni and I was terrified of all the pressure on my shoulders and terrified of failing.

My girlfriend of the time, who I will always give credit for on this even though she's my ex, convinced me to see a counsellor. I really did not want to, because I felt like that's admitting that there's a problem. "I'm not stressed or depressed, I'm just lazy". Wrong. I needed to admit the problem. And the other one was "Come on, I'm just a student. There's people in this country breaking their backs working 12 hour shifts for crap pay". Wrong. We've all got our problems and comparing them to other people's problems just makes you feel guilty. Never feel guilty for how you feel, you didn't choose to feel that way so don't blame yourself.

I thought about it a bit and thought maybe my problem was that I had no real friends. I was quite well liked by people at Uni and by my flatmates, but nobody I could call a friend. So that's what I decided I needed help with. I was going to go to the counsellor and tell them about my poor social skills, and not at all mention this other crisis because that would be me just being mardy right?

As soon as I went there I just started to feel much better. Just talking to someone made me feel calmer and more secure. All of my problems came out there. The social anxiety, the "depressive behaviour", even the problems in my relationship with my girlfriend (which I believe gave us several more months together before it had to go tits up). Discussed everything and anything. It helped me an immense amount, I got back to doing my coursework and revision and met all my deadlines and remained on the course.

So I wasn't at rock bottom. I wasn't suffering depression. They don't come with a big stamp and mark you "DEPRESSED" when it happens. You just have to keep an eye out for the deterioration. I think I caught it early and managed to deal with it while it was still easy.

My advice is to see someone and talk to them. First things first about counsellors, they're not shrinks. They're not going to diagnose you and whack you on the happy pills. If that's what you need, they'll refer you to a proper shrink who will do that. In Continental Europe, seeing a counsellor is like getting a check-up. We should be emulating this attitude to mental illness. When I told people I saw a counsellor the reaction was "Why? Are you okay? What happened?" Which I understand. They just want to be there for me and that's reassuring. But what is implicit in that is that there had to be something seriously wrong. There wasn't, I just stopped myself as soon as I felt the decline.

If you found a physical problem - you found a lump right? You'd be straight down to your GP because you're not taking any chances, correct? Apply that same attitude to your mental wellbeing. Don't take any chances and assume it's going to get better. It might do, it might get better. But if it doesn't, you're playing a dangerous game. Take action.

Apparently, I'm a good listener. So I'm told. So I'll offer what many others have offered on here. If anyone - ANYONE - wants to talk, day or night, I'm here. No matter how well or not we know each other. No matter how well or not we've agreed on certain things on this forum. I realise it's a fairly empty offer because if you don't know someone why would you talk to them about your problems? But desperation works in mysterious ways and you can find people when you didn't even know you were looking. So for what it is worth, I'd like to listen if you want me to.