Animal is a Ram

Cheers @reveldevil, @rynny
This is exactly what I've been doing, blasting out the Radiohead on my journeys to and from work!

Sorry to hear that mate. Hope everything goes as well as it can. You all need to keep strong, around him at least.
If you need a chat or owt, send a pm here or dm on twitter, even if it is to vent, it's not a problem.

Sorry to hear your of your girlfriend's dad's troubles, certainly sounds like rotten luck.
My mother in law is currently staying in the same hospital, and has been on and off for the past year.
She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 11+ years ago, but after Chemo/Radiotherapy and surgery she recovered well, and apart from regular scans never saw the inside of the hospital again for 4 years.
Then a scan showed the cancer had spread to the lining of a lung, and the chemo started again.
The last 7 years have been a cycle of scans, chemo, shrinking cancer, scans, spreading cancer,more chemo etc.
She now has cancer in more places than not it seems, and right now it's a struggle to think she'll be with us much longer.
The fact is though, there's been a lot more good times than bad the last 10 years, some treatments have dreadful side effects and dont seem to work, while others seem to have no side effects at all, yet are effective.
We've had nice family holidays together, she's seen her two eldest grandchildren grow up, a new one born, and celebrated 11 more Christmas dinners and birthdays than we thought we would when she was first diagnosed. 
She's even done the race for life a couple of times, not bad for a woman in her sixties!
Everyone is different, but if your girlfriends dad's cancer is confined to just the lung, there's no reason for him not to make a complete recovery in time, and even if that's not possible things are rarely as bad as they seem.
It's natural to be angry, scared and pessimistic, but it's not worth expending energy on things you can't change at the expense of things you can.
A short wallow every now and again doesn't do any harm either, just the length of a Radiohead album or so I find puts me back on track.
If I could offer one bit of advice, find someone for you to talk to, apart from the people affected. 
I've bottled my own feelings up to be strong for my wife, after all it's her mother who has cancer, and to be honest I'm a mess for it.
Good luck, you come across as well sorted type, if you need anything just ask.

Thanks Mostyn. I tried to "like" your comment but am getting a response telling me I am not permitted to.
Until relatively recently, I had defended my new reporting line, much to the chagrin of my sister who, as a qualified psychologist, 'picked' the agenda far earlier than I did. Ironically, one of the more valid criticisms of me in my professional life (aside from a tendency to overanalyse  almost everything and  everyone; that doesn't come through in my writing, does it? ?) has been how judgemental I could be of others' behaviour and how cold and calculated I could be when office politics got 'nasty'.
(In my defence, I was NEVER the initiator but - to be blunt about it - it was probably better to have me on your side than against you and, as one of my closest friends said to me once only half-jokingly (two employers ago, after he found himself in a position not dissimilar to that which I have faced recently with a person I had appointed to replace me), "Why did you seem to enjoy it so much?" 
It actually disturbed me at the time that he could think that.
Although I was appalled by much of what was being done to me, I could see the discomfort they were feeling in having to do it and actually felt for them. While I would have resigned rather than carry out instructions as (frankly) immoral as those they were presumably given, I was equally appalled on their behalf at the position they had been put in.
But, contrary to my sister's perception of my sympathy for them, I (a) needed to know that I had done literally all I could have done to avoid a 'war' over the entire situation because I knew that a 'war' would probably be career-ending for all involved, and (b) it was an honest offer to find a decent and mutually beneficial way out without undermining my self-interest.
At the risk of sounding almost schizophrenic*, that is an example of how, even when I was genuinely battling depression and serious anxiety over what was happening (there were many days when I sat on my couch - fully clothed and literally ready to leave for work - endlessly trying to think of an excuse to avoid going in until I was late... despite knowing full well that being late for work would bring another (justified this time) barrage, I still had the ability to 'strategize' unemotionally.
I knew that winning them over personally and (even though it turned our reporting lines on its head) leading them to the realisation that they could both keep my skills ultimately to the benefit of their careers AND claim resolution of a very difficult situation that they had not been responsible for creating was really the only chance I had to get a 'win' without a fight. But, while offering them olive branch after olive branch, I was deliberately setting and re-setting the boundaries as a test to prove the patterns of behaviour with ultimately a court case in mind.
As emotional and fatigued and disgusted and, quite honestly, as GUTTED as I was that my career was ending in a manner akin to Hitler's retreat to Berlin**, I was still setting the tripwires, gauging the reactions, and recording the evidence for my Nuremberg.
As I tried to reassure my sister many, many times, she was misinterpreting my attempts to be conciliatory as weakness. If it came to it, I would not hesitate to blow the lot of them up (metaphorically speaking, please note ASIO***) to save myself. They had more than earned it.
She clearly thought the black humour and the bravado ("the biggest advantage I have is that they have  no idea who they have taken on") was just a diversion to placate her.
When it became clear to me that trying to find a mutually acceptable way out was simply unfeasible, I thought it had probably been a stupid idea from the start. More importantly, while I knew I hadn't  done anything to undermine my case for unfair dismissal, it was probably been too taxing on me mentally.
While I had come to the realisation some time before, the sign that I had probably kept trying to be conciliatory for far too long came in one of our 'performance management meetings' where I learned, usually for the first time, my list of transgressions for the week, tried to respond and / or seek clarification, was ignored or "corrected" in my perspective, and requested the evidence to support her perception. The next morning, the four of us (my boss and I, her boss and my witness) would receive her minutes. I would correct her minutes and return them, initially only where I considered them grossly misleading but later (in sheer frustration and, I now realise, a sign that my ability to cope was beginning to fail) corrected even a slightly misleading account (usually my response to an alleged statement of "fact"), spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
The latter were both petty and deliberately provocative but the former law student in me justified their inclusion as addressing a key accusation, ie my alleged lack of attention to detail. Literally every week, I would remind her that her "minutes did not constitute the evidence for (her) accusations and that (she) had not provided the evidence that I had both requested and to which I was entitled. Indeed, (she) ought to have provided it before the allegation had been discussed as a 'performance management issue'."
When I added "Yet again, I have to remind you of the fundamental principles of the process designed to ensure fairness and accountability. I have copied and pasted it from last email to save some wasted effort as these 'minutes' are clearly intended only to pursue the desired outcome" it was probably the first time I had been anything less than totally civil. My witness, who has been a friend of mine for over 20 years, and I probably should have realised then that I was beginning to 'break'. The next week, after we had gone through a few of my alleged failures that week in the usual way, she raised an issue I had been Intending to confront her on, I literally interrupted her in mid-sentence saying "see, this is a perfect example of why we are wasting our time here". She appeared to ignore me. When she finished, everyone was waiting for me to respond. When I realised they were expecting me to say something, I said (pretty rudely): "Asked and answered. Next."
Apparently I had said it so quietly that no-one had heard me. Even Wayne, my witness, admitted he hadn't heard me (which, I must admit, annoyed me at the time). I then apologised and repeated that I felt my presence for the discussions were completely unnecessary. Wayne told me later that the tirade over the next few minutes was incredibly impressive, that it should have put the fear of God into them should I ever get anywhere near a witness box.
It didn't apparently.
The next day I was accused of missing several deadlines we had not even discussed, of not keeping her fully informed "in accordance with her instructions" (having provided her with an update on a particular matter a few minutes before having a 19-minute (late) lunch break during which the fellow had recalled that she'd told him to send her any of my emails on which I did not cc her and, kindly or stupidly, sent it to her with those words.
Fortuitously for me, she used his email to attack me for not updating her. It self-evidently made no sense. As I was literally stopping myself from responding in an manner which would have warranted instant dismissal, I closed down that email and opened one from her boss; it accused me of lying in my purported corrections of her minutes and threatened me with a "review of my employment status" if I persisted.
My response was a work of art (if I do say so myself). I have no idea where the calmness came from since, truthfully, I felt like crying hysterically or putting my fist through my laptop only moments before (to the extent that several of my colleagues had noticed and were genuinely concerned).
I briefly noted some of the 'issues' to which I had been subjected to on that day alone.
Then, acknowledged his accusation of deceit and pointed out that she had misinterpreted my words simply by juxtaposing what I had actually said with the interpretation she had placed on it and concluded that it was in all of our interests that I depart for the day without commenting further.
That preceded my first bout of stress leave.
At the time, I was relieved on two counts: mainly, that I was out of the maelstrom for a while and finally had a chance just to 'stop'. There's obviously no comparison (and I do not say it to offend; trust me I am not suggesting there is any comparison) but I could suddenly understand to a small degree what it must be like after leaving a war zone.
Secondly, I was fully aware of how close I had been to losing "it". Many times I barely managed to stop myself from reacting. Truthfully, that reaction had a 50-50 chance of being either hysterical or verbally abusive and I have no idea which it would have been had I not succeeded in stopping it.
With the full benefit of hindsight, I am not certain if trying so hard to be conciliatory was the right or wrong thing to do. From a legal standpoint, my solicitor was "over the moon". He has always said it is one of the clearest cases of unfair and unconscionable dismissal he has ever seen (and he is an expert in the field) but it's fair to say he was almost wetting his pants as he reviewed my response to the three-page letter of dismissal and my attached evidence.
As he said, it doesn't just raise questions about my former employers' competence and decency, it gets to the point where you have to query if they border on unhinged.
As he also noted, my deterioration from trying desperately to find a cooperative solution to the brink of snapping point comes through. He's asked my psych to review my daily notes and provide him with a formal opinion. For the first time, he is of the view that compensatory and punitive damages may come in to play. After cautioning me all along that he would be recommending I waive any future claims when they make a settlement offer (there is a maximum amount in Australia for unfair dismissal), he is now persuaded that he might recommend rejecting any settlement offer if a condition is attached to it that I must waive any future cause of action against them.
A major point I think I may have omitted (unbelievable as it may seem, after all of these words): they included in their letter of dismissal that they first had concerns about my performance last September and discussed with me those concerns; they considered placing me on performance management then. I was told this several months ago but assumed the HR expert had confused his dates. It turns out that they DID raise the possibility of subjecting me to performance management even before I returned to my original role (in October) and despite my annual performance assessment raising no issues whatsoever as at 30 September.
Getting to bend them over is no longer even remotely in question Mostyn; they will soon learn that.
As it comes out, I will be surprised if at least two don't lose their jobs, probably three. The HR expert who has been advising them will presumably be safe but he shouldn't be.
The viciousness of their conduct, right down to the precise timing of my dismissal and the pre-emptive decision not to pay my sick leave (which is not an illegal act only because I had not formally raised a  work cover claim even though I reserved the right to pursue one), followed by a direct breach of their obligations to pay my severance payment, has opened some doors which we should never have had to consider opening.
My solicitor warned me directly that, if it ends up in court, he will be asking them if they had ever had concerns over my mental state or worried about suicide or self-harm; he now holds the view that, at best, they can argue only reckless indifference to the possibility.
When they presumably answer "of course not, he's mentally incredibly strong", the entire question of their motivation behind this will be open for exploration. 
And, depending on the answers, for recompense in a separate cause of action.
 
I do apologise for, yet again, going into so much detail. I hope those reading this understand this is a 'therapy' of sorts for me, not an attempt to bore you all to death. In some (most!) ways, I would probably prefer no one to read these posts; in other ways, it is 'nice' to hear validation. But, hopefully, those who might gather some insight or hope from it might stumble across it.
Or those like myself who are suffering serious sleep deprivation.
 
* Another example of how my brain "issue" actually affects me now and where it has stabilised for at least 12 months. As I started the sentence, I knew that my ability to simultaneously be bordering on an emotional breakdown yet still be unemotional and calculating sounds ridiculous, and even sounded like I had multiple personalities. But, for the life of me, I could not summon the word for "multiple personality disorder" to mind. I had to Google it.
** Sorry. Another coping mechanism of mine. I adore history (not Hitler!) and the analogy of me sitting in my bunker going insane while the "enemy" pounds me relentlessly on all fronts - with me fighting for every inch of "territory" (integrity and self-respect) - amuses me. Hopefully, the analogy fails at "delusional" and long before "bullet in temple" or "escape to Argentina dressed in a frock" depending on your view of Hitler's fate.
*** No, really, ASIO. No need to knock my front door down. Deflecting all this bulltish with humour is ultimately the only way I know of not letting it drive me crazy. If I can still "dack" it, laugh it and point out that it has an embarrassingly small wiener then I still own it.
I still control it.
Which means I can tell it when to stop bothering me.
My sister, the qualified psychologist, says that's the biggest load of garbage she's ever heard. That I am just deflecting.
But it works for me because I don't use it to deflect from the issues bothering me. I think them through, work out the aspects over which I have some control or influence, and determine what I must do to deal with those aspects alone.
Then I work out how the residual aspects will affect me and accept that I can only ameliorate or deflect the consequences.
Sound remotely familiar?
 
 
 
 

Kids walking along the street blaring music out their phones...  What are they expecting?  Me to saddle up to them and say "Mmm, Drake, excellent choice" and give him a high 5?  Put ya f***in earphones in ya little ***t!!!

And the England fans response to all these flags is probably this one.............

Loved Quicksilver's scene, made the movie for me 

X-Men: Apocalypse 8/10
Much better than the confused First Class/Days Of Future Past, imo. 
X-Men Quicksilver >>>>>>>>>> Avengers Quicksilver. That bit was the best part of the movie.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
<spoiler> Oh look, Magneto goes from good to bad, to good again. </spoiler> 

Finally catching up with AC: Syndicate, love the Frye twins.

Back once again... (for the renegade master, D4 damager).
- Unnecessary packaging. Why does my sandwich come in a cellophane wrapper, to then have a cardboard tray underneath the roll? What is the cardboard supporting exactly. I blame the EU. Probably.
- May have already been mentioned, but noisy eaters. There's two of the b*stards in my office. Crisps I accept can be loud, especially the crinkle cut ones but how do they make so much noise when they're eating a banana? Must be poor parenting, which will no doubt be passed down through the generations without correct treatment. Sterilise them.
- People who go abroad and don't make any effort whatsoever to speak the language. Even if it's a simple "hello", "goodbye", "please", "thanks", "can we have a table for 4?". I hate to say it but I think the English are the worst for this.
- On public transport when you already have control of  the armrest, because you arrived at the correct time, and the overweight, slightly smelly w*nker eating prawn cocktail crisps tries to muscle in on your turf. You try to assert your dominance with a combination of dirty sideways glances and light tutting but it's too late, he doesn't mind arm to arm contact, or if he does he can't feel it through the layers of blubber he's acquired over the last 40 years. A blight on modern Britain.
- Also on public transport when people sit in the aisle seat, with a vacant window seat. Or even worse when they sit by the window and place their bag in the aisle seat and look at you as though you've asked them to give up their unborn child when you enquire as to whether you may move the offending item. I propose private train services for nice people only to combat this.
- The price of razor blades.
- Poor lift ettiquette. You've chosen the responsibility of Button Control Officer, please be courteous enough to ask me which floor I require, instead of making me lunge awkwardly over your shoulder. Anyone of sound body not travelling more than the required 6 floors in an upward direction should exit immediately.
- Mothers with prams, old biddies, gangs of pre-teens, infact any female of our species in a city centre environment. Unfortunately sometimes men have to go shopping as well, and we must forever put up with the slow walking pace, the stopping to check the baby is still in it's pram, the stopping to look in shop windows, the stopping in shop doorways to bitch to your best girlfriend who you've just seen, the zig-zagging and changing of lanes to cut infront of you at the entrance to Birds... this is why the high street is f**ked.

Pulp Fiction:
Just a great movie.
10/10.
 

People who have obviously never been shopping before, who act with complete surprise when the checkout worker asks them to insert their card, wasting valuable seconds while they root around in their handbag for a purse, then shuffle through 10 cards to find the correct one.
 
No, we don't accept Blockbuster video cards, madam, seeing as they went bust a decade ago.
Neither do we accept Tesco club card vouchers either, seeing as you're in Sainsbury's, you tight fisted ****.
I'd honestly allow each hand held laser scanner to be loaded with a round of live ammunition, to be fired into the forehead of the 1st ******** each day to feign suprise at being asked to pay for their goods, for the good of society as a whole.

Women and make up:
stupid crayon eye brows that make you do a double take, like wtf is that on your face? 
'Contouring'. What? You paint your face so it looks like you have cheekbones or a chiselled chin and no flab. I saw a girl at the match and from the front she looked like a model but from the side she looked like a hamster. It messed with my head. And she had the blackest thick eyebrows ever. Dumb. 
Pouty fat 'bee stung' lips. Eh? Who wants them? Drawn round the edge and plumped up like they'll pop. Makes me ashamed to be female with these air heads about. 
Oh and leggings with a short tshirt. Put it away, who wants to see what you had for your dinner. 

Modern Warfare Remaster coming free with this year's 'legacy' edition of Infinite Warfare. Full campaign and 10 MP maps.
Or another way of looking at it - Modern Warfare Remaster comes with a free, yet pointless novelty 'Infinite Warfare' coaster. 
Battlefield 5 to be official,y unveiled on May 6th as well. 
Happy days.

Snatch-
Never get tired of watching this, brilliant movie.
10/10.

Oh you Animal.......you asked for it........and I gave it ya!
Have it!.... and I reckon I know more about Forest than their chairman Dev out of Corrie does! What is he doing with that rag!

My Macbook Pro does everything I want it to. Photo editing is a breeze. I even run virtual Windows servers with some pretty intense business use software as its a works machine as well as a personal one.
Until you show it a game. Then it wets itself. Even FM2015 suffers!

My Macbook Pro does everything I want it to. Photo editing is a breeze. I even run virtual Windows servers with some pretty intense business use software as its a works machine as well as a personal one.
Until you show it a game. Then it wets itself. Even FM2015 suffers!

This thread just goes to show how common it is to have dark times in your life, and how little it is in the public domain.
I struggled whilst at University, not really understanding who I was, questioning my value to those around me. That culminated on my 20th birthday when I left my friends at the time, went home and spent some time self-harming. Luckily I didn't do much damage, but for someone who was very happy and confident before going to University, was quite a shock to me, let alone friends and family.
For me, I felt like I needed to make a change and take control back of my life which involved moving to Warsaw to teach English and be somewhere that needed me to rely on myself. Not saying that's the best option for everyone, but it worked for me. 
Fast forward 12 years and my birthday at the end of May will see me 6 years married, a dog, mortgage, job I love, friends around me and having the confidence to stand up and perform a wedding ceremony for my friends myself. (I'm not a priest by the way!). That's all on top of a great year doing 1884 Group stuff and putting myself out there for ridicule.
It's funny how life works, and I wouldn't want anybody to think I was trying to compare a low point in my life to the struggles others face, some of which are very difficult to read, but I hope I can give a shred of comfort that life can get better if you give it a chance to do so.

As you can tell I'm fairly new to this forum but i've read through this post with great interest, I think its wonderful on a football based forum that this type of subject is discussed.
I was always lead to believe that as a man I should be the strong silent type, stiff upper lip, take everything in my stride, not let anything bother me. I went through life pretty happily with that outlook, no real emotional highs or lows just plodding along as most folk do.
I was then involved in a head on car crash, which was no fault of my own, nothing I could do to avoid it, one second driving along listening to Ken Bruce, next second bang.
This has changed me forever, mentally and physically. I sustained life changing physical injuries. I've adapted to them pretty well and hopefully after a couple more operations this year I'll have no more pain or the need for constant pain killers.
But mentally, wow what a difference. Mrs, kids, mortgage, no income. I was self employed so entitled to bugger all. Savings soon disappear, help from family and friends soon disappears (although I'm incredibly grateful to them). Thats when the rot sets in, i was in pain that I couldn't describe and wouldn't wish on anybody, unable to sleep so just lay awake worrying about things, the stiff upper lip soon disappears and I was a quivering, anxious, worried, in agony shell of the man I used to be. Thought about ending it all, couldn't do it to my family. But was I better alive or a burden. I couldn't even wipe my own arse, shower or brush my teeth, She was cutting my food up and feeding me! I'm sure my Mrs never signed up for that 20+ years ago!
I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress and as most types of treatment for this numb the nerves it was supposed to be the best thing for me to relieve some pain. Non of em worked, still in agony, still a nervous wreck, worried about everything. Strange side effects, some sexual ones as have been mentioned by others. No fun having a boner 24/7 and being able to go like a stallion when your falling to bits, wish i'd took em when i was 18 though.
Wow I've just read back through this and didn't realise I'd rambled on so much, i do apologise. This brings me to my point though. Talk to people, for Gods (deity of ones choosing) sake, talk to someone, anyone. I saw a therapist, very sceptical at first, but it's great to get it of your chest. I've been lucky my Mrs, kids and close family have been amazing, I wouldn't have got through it without them, I'm a different person now, I cry watching supervet on the TV, I would never have done that before my accident as it wasn't the thing to do. And the thing that got me through it all was talking to people and expressing how I felt, not bottling things up and screaming out loud when I had to!
It might not work for everyone, I can only give input from my experience, but it got me through the darkest days of my life. I'm still not fully recovered but I can see a bright light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
 

Maybe, but that's probably because you know what you're doing a bit more. I found getting to like level 8 or whatever so easy, you were there before you knew anything.

After spending the majority of 6 years inside the house I'd like to think I know how you feel. 
It's hard, really hard and most people reading this won't understand what goes off in your head, something so normal as going to the corner shop to pick up a paper scared me to death. 
I won't ever claim to know the secret of overcoming it, for me it was almost forced through a relationship breakdown which at the time absolutely messed me up but looking back was also the best thing to have happened. I was too comfortable, no pressure to go outside so it was easy to put it off for another day. Tomorrow I'll try, tomorrow never comes.
The person that helped me the most was my ex girlfriends mum, the motivation of trying to win her daughter back helped me go down to the doctors, after going through all the surgeries on the NHS website not one would actually come out to me which is just nuts.
Other than finding out I had seriously low levels of vitamin D and my knee was knackered they were pretty much useless, tried to put me on anti depressants, the ones that were so strong they turn you into a zombie. After refusing them I was told to go away and find myself a councillor instead. 
For me taking pills to zombify myself would only mask the issue, it was a course that I wouldn't be able to just stop either, I would have to lower the dose over several months if not years. Vitamin D supplements helped boost my energy, the main source of vitamin D is the sun, I had zero. It's also been linked to SAD and why people struggle so much in the winter. How true that is I don't know. Helped me.
I won't knock the NHS as they do a lot of good but the support and treatment for mental health issues up here at least is shocking.
Now this probably isn't the best advice but what worked for me was I called a mate, opened up, told him everything, he thought I was just loved up and bombed my mates off. He was pretty surprised by everything as I kept it well hidden. Anyway, we started going to the pub, at first sat outside, he would go in, bring the drinks out. I would have half, panic, go home. 
Couple days later try again, having a mate that knew what was happening, was aware that I may suddenly start legging it home made it so much easier and he would come round unannounced some nights just to get me out. 
22nd October 2013 I had my first pint inside the pub. 
1st December 2013 me and my mate ended up in a gay bar down town, didn't realise until the cross dressing DJ got on the decks playing Take That.
[Insert a year of realising how great it is to be outside, going to the pub, seeing mates, online dating]
3rd January 2015 I went to my first Derby game again for years, Southport in the cup.
Never happened overnight, there was fairy with a wand or magic pills. Small small steps, one day at a time and if you fail one day it's ok, don't hammer yourself for it just try again the next day. I'm still not fully cured so to speak, I still have a few moments where I need to walk away and compose myself. 
Knowing what I missed out on helps drive me through each day, I'm not religious, I don't believe in after life or I will have a second chance. 6 years I've lost of my life and there won't be a day goes by that I'm not kicking myself for it. Easier said than done but don't waste another day, you will never get them back.

Me neither but I wouldn't mind having a game with this bloke. I'm pretty sure he's not seriously serious.
 

It's amazing, come 12pm I'd miraculously been cured! I celebrated this with a point of Thornbridge Rattlesnake, Theakston's Old Peculiar and half a Dark Star Revelation

I'll  get @Eddie to vape in the back seat.