Mucker1884

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

I force myself to try and look at everything in a positive light. I try to be a good person every single day. Sometimes it seems like I'm getting somewhere. Then I get hit harder than ever.
This week has been such a long story but to cut it short, my wife is not in a good way. It started with a twitching eye on Wednesday but has moved on to full blown facial paralysis and now full body tremors. I've just had to transport her to bed. The past few days I've had next to no sleep with hospital visits. Getting nowhere with wards contradicting eachother. As well as taking care of a potentially autistic 2 and a half year old. Yes we have help but not enough. It can be a hindrance at times.
How am I supposed to go back to work and actually earn money to live too? 

Thank you for the kind words again everyone it truly means a lot to me and the mrs! An update on the rollercoaster  of emotions is as my messages last week there was fluid under the babies skin which shouldn't have been there so we had to go to grottingham on Thursday  for a CVS,  the experts had a scan before the test and I quote "we don't really know why you were sent here as at the minute everything seems to be fine, the down syndrome risk came back as 1 in 1668 which is good so they've told us to assume everything is normal and we need to go.back at the  beginning of January for another scan to see what's what. To say I was a mess this last week was an understatement (so much so I was odd work sick) but this news was amazing and means at least until next month we can carry on as normal and enjoy christmas. ?

I don't think this is out of place here...
all Third Round fixtures will be delayed by one minute to encourage fans to ‘Take A Minute’ to think about looking after their mental health, as part of the Heads Up campaign.
The move will see all 32 ties, excluding replays, kick-off one minute later than their traditionally scheduled broadcast and non-broadcast timeslots, for example 3:01pm, 12:16pm and 7:46pm.
It is hoped that the initiative will raise awareness of the importance of looking after our mental health, with 60 seconds representing just the first step in the journey to improved wellbeing. During the minute delay, fans will be encouraged to consider the positive impact 60 seconds can have on their own wellbeing or in supporting a friend or family member.
 
https://www.dcfc.co.uk/news/2019/12/match-date-confirmed-for-crystal-palace-cup-clash

I've had some issues and posted a little about my late wife's cancer, ultimately being bereaved, the struggles I had to cope as a single dad of bereaved children and how it nearly finally broke me and how hard it hit me when my dog got sick this summer. 
I thought I'd just share that I met a lovely widowed lady my age a couple of months ago, and she makes me happy. I make her happy. We're a couple now. Things can and do get better, no matter what life throws at you, you can smile again. Hang in there people.

Agreed... and whilst we're on the driving theme, the folk who seem to think it is ok to cut across lanes on a roundabout, effectively driving in a straight line to save them having to turn their wheel... and in the process wiping out the poor sod to their right...
I'd say they were equally Bamfordious!  

Tell her to hang on whilst you go and fetch some anti-bac spray, as you haven't had chance to wipe it down properly since you last had sex on there!
 
 
 

Agreed... and whilst we're on the driving theme, the folk who seem to think it is ok to cut across lanes on a roundabout, effectively driving in a straight line to save them having to turn their wheel... and in the process wiping out the poor sod to their right...
I'd say they were equally Bamfordious!  

Agreed... and whilst we're on the driving theme, the folk who seem to think it is ok to cut across lanes on a roundabout, effectively driving in a straight line to save them having to turn their wheel... and in the process wiping out the poor sod to their right...
I'd say they were equally Bamfordious!