What becomes of the brokenhearted?

[NewquayRam]

I moved in with a girl I really liked, separate rooms etc purely housemates. She would talk about boys she liked... I'd cry inside. Somebody asked if we were a cpl and she was very emphatic about it never happening ... I cried inside. She had a boyfriend who she split up with then almost immediately got someone else... I cried inside. I was completely friend zoned. She asked advice on what boys liked etc and called me the brother she'd never had. We lived with each other for 2 years as just good friends then one drunken evening things stepped up. We have now been in a relationship with each other since 2000 and are married with 3 children. I often look back to those days and just wished I'd moved out and found somebody else.

[Cisse]

Thanks Sage for ruining my day. Now I sit at home thinking about EVERY time I have been brokenhearted. That has happened on four (4) different decades.

The first time was with a girl from my class who after a year together just announced that she didn't love me anymore.

I'm gonna have a beer now.

[Duracell]

He's a complete sausage. If it was just me that thought that, then you could probably attribute it to jealously but very few people like him. I've even had stories from my best friends where they are being told about this absolute gimp in law and it turns out to be him. My criticism could go far more personal but that's probably not a great idea. It just stuns me that she can't see it.

The problem is that they seem very stable, it's been over 4 years now. I'm not ready to give up though so I'm just concentrating on my last year of studies and see where we are then.

This has turned into my own personal agony aunt page so I think someone else better post up their 'gal'. Shed a few tears, it's good for you.

If she can't see it, does that not put you off slightly? I split up with my ex and then a few weeks she was off with a bouncer three years older than me - it hurt like hell, but then a couple of months later I realised how much that put me off her for good. I knew the bloke from before because he also happened to be a her boss and if that's her ambition in life, fine - I can't ever make her happy if she wants to be that mediocre.

 

I thought she was funny, smart, intelligent, hot - and she was - but that's just box ticking. She seems happy enough instagramming all the tat her new bloke buys her, and that just sounds like hell to me. She's turned into a completely different person which is sad on one hand, but makes it easier for me. 

 

If this lads a bellend, channel that into something positive.

[TrueLou]

Oh you boys! 

 

Don't be mooning over girls that can't see you for how awesome you are, if they can't see it then that makes them totally un-awesome does it not?! But no, it's the age old wanting the thing that's just out of reach, I've been a victim of it too so I share your pain. 

 

Then I realised that one sided relationships never work anyway, the best relationships I've ever had are the ones where he's as into me as I am into him. They're the ones I've always remembered, not the losers who would rather go out with the local bike than notice little old me with all my wit and charm and grace   Joke x

 

if they don't see how great you are then there is something wrong with them, not anything wrong with you. And if they'll let you slip through their fingers so easily then they don't deserve you. Move on, and find a lovely girl who sees the best in you, she won't be hard to find once you set your mind on looking 

[AmericanRam]

Love and receiving love in return is a very emotional state that people go through.

If someone does not return the love(more than a platonic one) than understandably you would be upset,but life must go on.I truly feel their is someone for everybody and you have to keep that in mind.

A great book is "Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis to understood how love really is.

Good luck.

[RLACML]

If she can't see it, does that not put you off slightly? I split up with my ex and then a few weeks she was off with a bouncer three years older than me - it hurt like hell, but then a couple of months later I realised how much that put me off her for good. I knew the bloke from before because he also happened to be a her boss and if that's her ambition in life, fine - I can't ever make her happy if she wants to be that mediocre.

 

I thought she was funny, smart, intelligent, hot - and she was - but that's just box ticking. She seems happy enough instagramming all the tat her new bloke buys her, and that just sounds like hell to me. She's turned into a completely different person which is sad on one hand, but makes it easier for me. 

 

If this lads a bellend, channel that into something positive.

I have a theory of why she doesn't see it, but that's getting very personal about him and that's not really fair. Plus the fact that you must just be so comfortable in a relationship after that long.

I do try to use the experience as a positive. There's little point staying at home and wishing for what could be. Even if I'm not directly doing something for her, it always adds that extra bit of motivation.

[AmericanRam]

I have a theory of why she doesn't see it, but that's getting very personal about him and that's not really fair. Plus the fact that you must just be so comfortable in a relationship after that long.

I do try to use the experience as a positive. There's little point staying at home and wishing for what could be. Even if I'm not directly doing something for her, it always adds that extra bit of motivation.

Good luck to you pal.

[PrivateDerby]

Burst out laughing at KernowRams post

[i-Ram]

I've been seeing a girl for about 2 years, lovely she is, but I don't think she will ever love me because of an underlying shyness. She is fantastically exciting in bed, but has to dress up so she "isn't herself"' and she also refuses to kiss as she thinks it too intimate. Her shyness has got worse of late, where I notice now when I go to pay her she looks away from me, and says just put it on the side. Any thoughts guys?

[Rev]

Instead of putting it on the side, ask if she minds putting it on the slate.

If she agrees, she's a keeper!

[Boycie]

Still waiting for a Sage post?

[sage]

Still waiting for a Sage post?

I met someone recently I really liked. There was a chemistry straight away, shared interests and passions and I thought I had met 'The One'.

 

Then I found out his son supported Man United , so decided to leave it at just being friends.   

[Boycie]

Oh and stop touching me on the train down to the match from Belper.

You're a sex pest in Milford Tunnel.

[sage]

Oh and stop touching me on the train down to the match from Belper.

You're a sex pest in Milford Tunnel.

Is that a euphemism in your post or are you just pleased to see me?

[Cisse]

Get a room you two.

[Rev]

I told her on one of the last nights at Uni. If the two responses, on a scale of 1-10, are 'I like you as a friend' and 'I love you too'. I'd say it was probably a 3

Had you been drinking? Had she?

Been in your situation before, and at a similar age I guess. Laid it all on the line, had the big conversation one lunchtime, lots of tears, hugs, and complete honesty, then she turned me down!

Still the best decision I've made to tell her how I felt, couldn't have moved on with certainty otherwise, soon after met someone else, we've now been married 18 years, but if the original girl had said yes we'd never have met.

Better to regret your actions than inactions.

[i-Ram]

Had you been drinking? Had she?

Been in your situation before, and at a similar age I guess. Laid it all on the line, had the big conversation one lunchtime, lots of tears, hugs, and complete honesty, then she turned me down!

Still the best decision I've made to tell her how I felt, couldn't have moved on with certainty otherwise, soon after met someone else, we've now been married 18 years, but if the original girl had said yes we'd never have met.

Better to regret your actions than inactions.

Wise words Rev. You only tend to regret things in life that you didn't do.

[Badlands]

Always a tricky situation when you're friends with the girl that you want. Never knowing whether to stay close to her and wait but risk the friend zone. I went with the risky 'I don't want to be friends' tactic. Dm

 

Without a doubt the best option mate, all though it probably won't feel like it for a while.

 

I'm 22 and i went through my first heartbreak this year, girl i knew from the start of University. Towards the end of my 1st year i kept getting told this girl liked me, unfortunately i didn't feel the same back and was about to spend a year out in Canada so entering a relationship was the last thing on my mind.

 

Fast forward to 3rd year after i return home; girl is in a (seemingly happy) relationship with another lad, this does not effect me in the slightest. Then one night out everything pours out from both of us, out of nowhere on my part, although we try and pretend like it didn't happen. A couple of weeks later she breaks up with her boyfriend, a month later i ask her out and we agree on taking it slow.......

 

All downhill from here mind; she calls it off one night around 3am as it's to soon for her, fair enough, but i was a bit pissed she waited for me to be on a bus home, instead of saying the exact opposite to my face whilst we were out together. (Lie number 1)

 

We try to go back to friends but it's hard for me as i'd begun to really like her, one day down the pub she proceeded to ramble on about other lads she'd been with, not getting enough male attention, etc etc, as a result this tough cookie is a complete wreck in the middle of a pub beer garden, nice one love. 

 

She begs and grovels and for some reason i roll over and we have a go at being friends on a night out; she tells me she really fancies me, wants me to wait etc etc. Next day round a mates house she tells me she can't remember anything she said that night (Lie number 2). I try and laugh it off but inside it's killing me. That evening, after the fa cup final, we go to the pub with some friends, it turns out her ex is in there, and i'm fully expecting a punch instead we talk about football and the like. She then proceeds at having a go at me for talking to him even though she broke up with him, cue blistering row and we don't speak for 2 weeks. 

 

Fast forward 2 weeks and i've perfected the art of ignoring her desperate cravings for attention, i'm getting a fair few shitty texts off her such as "why won't you dance with me", but i've managed to control myself before it all gets to much. Then one night i make one of my worst decisions, i got off with her. No sex just kissing but once again i thought it was back on the cards for a few days. She said she'd come and visit me but then backed down saying she still wasn't ready, then she agreed to go for a drink and she didn't have the balls to let me know she couldn't be arsed, instead she wanted me to jump as she clapped. Cue tears again as all of the above rolled back in to mind. Bumped in to her that night but haven't spoke to her since, that was 3 months ago.

 

It get's much better mate, the first month was horrible, but i managed to resist. The second month was better, i've never been the most confident with the 'fairer' sex but i forced myself to get out their, to varying degrees of success but it helped. This past month has been mint, much better luck with the opposite sex, friendships getting stronger, speaking to my family more etc. It still twangs now and then, i found out she's seeing some one else ("not being ready" - Lie number 3) but it's not bothered me half as much as i thought. 

 

Also you live in Manchester correct ? I'd get yourself down to satans hollow and let some biker chic from Salford sausage you all night. 

 

Good luck 

 

Offt turned that in to a bit of a rant, sorry all. 

[RLACML]

Had you been drinking? Had she?

Been in your situation before, and at a similar age I guess. Laid it all on the line, had the big conversation one lunchtime, lots of tears, hugs, and complete honesty, then she turned me down!

Still the best decision I've made to tell her how I felt, couldn't have moved on with certainty otherwise, soon after met someone else, we've now been married 18 years, but if the original girl had said yes we'd never have met.

Better to regret your actions than inactions.

It's a fairly complicated situation but yeah, I was drunk. I'm too much of a pussy to do it sober. It was more of a Dutch courage situation though rather than a drunken ramble.

Was she drunk? Probably a little.

I'm glad I told her but I didn't really get the outcome I wanted. Either she says yes, and we live happily ever after. Or she says no, and I can move on. Unfortunately, it was basically a no and I still can't move on

[Tombo]

It's a fairly complicated situation but yeah, I was drunk. I'm too much of a pussy to do it sober. It was more of a Dutch courage situation though rather than a drunken ramble.

Was she drunk? Probably a little.

I'm glad I told her but I didn't really get the outcome I wanted. Either she says yes, and we live happily ever after. Or she says no, and I can move on. Unfortunately, it was basically a no and I still can't move on

Time heals all dude, time heals all. Doesn't matter how long it takes, you'll get there. And you're young too (not as young as me, but young) so you've got plenty of time to heal.