Tony Le Mesmer

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

Getting a song that's in the charts stuck in my head.

The word Literally being used for no reason at all.
'I've literally just got here'- you've just got here then.
'i literally wet myself laughing'- did you actually pass urine? No!
You will now notice how often it is used these days...

Getting a knife stuck in my head.

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

Getting a Christmas song stuck in my head in mid February

Not so random, but the sheer number of negative topics which get started/found and posted in whenever we lose a game. 
Some fans are very quick to blame the whole team if we lose, but if we play well there's never any praise given out, it's always that other teams were poor or we were lucky. I despair.

After nearly 25 years of working since I was 16 I have only 2 maybe 3 close friends who know all about me and my issues despite them not having them. So all those people I've come into contact with and got to know over a near 25 year working life at various places, there are only 3 max who I have had an affinity with or who have the minimal number of things I hate so it is enough to form a long standing friendship.
As I am on the autistic spectrum I judge people by my standards and I accept that is and sounds wrong but it's the way I function. For example, my cousin hunts animals and I abhorr that. Other than that he seems a decent enough bloke but because that one aspect of his behaviour is at total odds to mine I have no desire to speak further with him or get to know him.
You can see how limiting this way of functioning around people is in terms of trying to make new friends. I accept that there probably isn't another person on the planet that likes and dislikes the same things I do therefore a perfect match is never going to happen so I do have some leeway.
My joint best friend loves boxing and UFC and all that and I find it a tiresome bravado of masculinity and cannot for the life of me understand the attraction.
For me it is all the pathetic showing off and fronting up pre match that i find sickening. If there was a boxer who was just out there keeping quiet, going about his business and treating his art with the respect all these showmen try to command then I haven't a problem but it's the embarrassing circus of grown men trying to prove how hard they are to protect their masculinity and sell fights. Their love for boxing as a priority doesn't exist.
So as I have extremely strong opinions on anything and everything I judge people perhaps unfairly. With my views on boxing I am surprised we are best friends. We however have a deep shared love of metal / alternative music and we hold deep thinking conversations about anything from food based pesticides to whether or not David icke was right after all.
We don't spend all our time playing with our phones and posting inane trash on facebook.
So I do go out with people I know but the anxiety is still there. I still have to have the end seats or cannot ever relax. I'm vigilant all the time. For what I just don't know. I'm just prepared for a situation and now it's like the social event I go to is like a trial. Something that must be overcome rather than something I can enjoy. Just think back to how you felt when going for a particular job interview for a job you really really wanted. I feel like that the whole time I am out of my comfort zone.
I'm sat down at PP and everyone around me is engrossed in the match. I'm enjoying it too but I'm always fully aware of others around me and tuned in to my feelings and thoughts constantly. The only time my brain isn't working overtime is when I'm asleep.
I am worst on my own. To think I used to drive the lengths and breadths of the country supporting York , often staying over in hotels in my own. Now I would struggle to drive anywhere more than an hour or so away on my own.
It's also people I don't know that causes problems. I think I've given up on getting to know people as to do so properly I would have to reveal my issues in order for me to be honest and comfortable. Most of the time I put on an act and get by with people for brief periods and get relief when I'm away from them. Like taking my kid to school. I go, chat politely and friendly to the mums and dads I've gradually become known to and they have no idea I'm a wreck inside or just crying out to act like I would normally if I was with real friends. You make the pleasant small talk and get back in your car and breathe.
Crowds are bad for me too so going to PP has been a real learning curve, a battle and one which I'm not sure I'm winning tbh. There is just hustle and bustle and people everywhere, noise, the closeness in proximity that I am to others in the stands stifles me. Can't stadium designers give you more space!!
I just count myself lucky to have made the key friends i did when I was younger when i wasn't as bad and also met my partner and had my kid.
Up to my 30's I wasn't half as affected as I am now so had a reasonably good time of it. I read of teenagers suffering as bad if not worse and they have got all their young lives in front of them with this nightmare. I can consider myself fortunate.
One final thing. Festivals. My absolute worst nightmare! So much love live music but the stress of the whole event would be something I'd have no chance of containing.

Glad that worked out for you. I had them for years struggling and too afraid to tell people about it. But by chance I came across an article, and as soon as I knew what it was they decreased by about 80 percent. They still happen, but the panic wasn't there anymore. After a while, and this might sound strange, you can have some fun with them, proper Inception stuff. However, there is an underlining issue with them, and that is either depression, anxiety or exhaustion.

@Alex W @Tony Le Mesmer and others..... 
Regarding the social anxiety stuff. For you, is it mainly when there are going to be a lot of people who you don't know? Can you go out with two or three people you do know, as long as you have an out?? 
Mine is almost the opposite. I need, and will check for the out. My seat is end of aisle, right next to steps. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be going to games! I book cinema tickets etc, the same. 
But going out, for me, seems different to what most describe in here. It's something that I simply don't do. Now I know that's the easy way out, avoidance. But I could go to anything, however big, on my own. I don't bother, but I could. As long as I don't know anyone there. If there are going to be people there I know, then I won't be there. Probably somewhere between 15 and 20 years since I did that sort of thing. I have no idea what triggered it. 

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

Bad chip shop chips.
Being a rare treat for me, I've been looking forward to chips for my lunch all this week instead of the normal sandwich, only to go to the usual chip shop today and they were rubbish. Under-cooked & anaemic looking.
How hard can it be to fry them properly? So disappointing......

Nick Clegg.....what is it?

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

Amazing post Alex and huge respect for revealing these thoughts to us strangers. I can completely understand for the most part where you are coming from, especially with the eating in front of others and the need for an exit. Both of these for me are a huge issue.
Also with me I cannot eat food that has been home cooked by someone else. Not even my partner. I make it or it doesn't get eaten. Worst was when I first met my partner and we got invited to Christmas Dinner at her aunties for a huge spread and I had to sit there at the table just sipping a beer because I had made an excuse that I'd already eaten. I must have looked a real weirdo.
For the past 6 years I have had anxiety induced nausea nearly every day on waking. Often I will dry heave and I cannot stop it until I've calmed down. I cannot go on public transport either and I am singlehandedly keeping Wrigleys in business. Well, me and Sir Alex Ferguson that is.
I also suffered severe IBS and although not coeliac have found gluten free to really help.
I need exits too. My seat at PP is on the end, I sit on the end in cinemas, I have to sit in corners of pubs and restaurants preferably not around other diners. If someone takes up a table next to me I tense up and it's just a case of eating up asap and getting the hell outta there. In short it's f***ing horrendous and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I think.as I've got older I have accepted that it is how I am and although I will never eliminate these symptoms or get better, I can certainly reduce them and manage them as best I can. However if there are things anxiety stops you from doing then just try and accept it and work around it rather than fight it and become helpless and depressed.
For example, my kid is 8 this year and she hasn't been abroad yet, partly due to cost but also my anxiety. This summer we are going to France for a few days as part of a holiday in Dorset.
I cannot fly. We are going on the ferry but even though the crossing is only 4 hours, I have booked a cabin each way. I need a bolthole, I need my own toilet and if start feeling sick it's security.
Coming back, our ferry is not until 6.30pm but we have to leave our hotel at 10am. Bearing in mind I wake most mornings with nausea and dry retching, I cannot envisage me walking around town trying to pass time until 6.30pm when my symptoms are likely to be there.
Therefore I have had to pay for 3 nights at the hotel but we are only staying 2 so on the 3rd day I still will have our hotel room to escape to until we need to go to the ferry port.
On the face of it, it is absolutely farcical.
I have mental illness and am not finding it amusing.
I also have health anxiety. I do have some health conditions but ones that are no way as serious as some people have like Paul on here who has blood cancer. Every week I find an ache or pain and convince myself it's cancer. It's tiring and cranks up the anxiety / agoraphobia but I have no idea how I would cope going through the things Paul for example and others WITH cancer have had to endure.
I won't get better. I won't be able to fulfil some of the things I want to because of my difficulties but I'm not alone. You have to accept what you ARE capable of and take it from there.
The hardest thing for me has been trying to bring a kid up from scratch whilst my partner works whilst at the same time not giving off any negative fear / environmental influence.
I had to go to indoor play centres. People everywhere, kids everywhere, noise. The things most people don't particularly like but when they are things that more or less cripple anxiety sufferers then you get my point.
I also had to go through panic attacks because I had a child with me who obviously couldn't fend for herself and so the responsibility to NOT have panic attacks whilst out doing things brought ON panic attacks. Messy and frightening. I managed though to get through without any obvious signs of panic being shown to my kid.
Swimming baths. Kids everywhere, noise, splashing, I'm feeling terrible and on edge and I have to try and have an hour of fun and interactivity with my kid when all I want to do is get back in the car and breathe.
There are loads of things I have done which I thought I couldn't for the sake of the kid yet I don't seem to be able to do them for myself which is weird.
I think Alex, the amount of people struggling with mental health issues / symptoms is staggering and the best we can do is be open about them.
Meet someone new and don't make excuses anymore. If you get invited out for a works meal or anything and the anxiety won't let you then just tell them without making a big deal of it. You'll find that some will accept your reason without judging, some will even be able to empathise as they will have different levels of mental health issues that they too are hiding and the last lot will judge you, think you're a freak and either take the mick or avoid you.
As these people aren't worth p#ssing on if they were on fire, them avoiding you has done you a favour. Everyone's a winner and can see you're an open, honest and decent person.
There is so much help and advice out there now and awareness is increasing. So is the number of people who suffer with one thing or another so the next person you speak to could be hiding a secret anxiety or ocd or depression or anything.
Hope the symptoms improve for you and cutting out the Russell Howard stuff might help. He's bloody awful!

Some amazingly brave and honest posts on here about anxiety.
It can be crippling I know and I can't imagine what it must be like to suffer at that level.
One technique which has achieved some success is tapping.
It's not for the cynical. You either give it a real go or not at all.
http://www.drivingpeace.com/tapping-for-anxiety-does-this-simple-stress-relief-technique-really-work/#.WJtXmslFDqA
I hope you guys find something which helps.

Nothing new to add. Just wanted to keep this thread prevalent on the forum .

I'm at work right now but due to handing my role over to someone else I've got literally nothing to do for the next four hours so thought I'd share my experience in the hope it helps anyone at all.
 
Much like David and several people here, I suffer from anxiety. Bit of a backstory, I had it in my teens and wasn't sure what it was, I would experience that stomach gnawing fear at random situations that I couldn't understand at the time. I would become terrified at the idea of eating in front of people outside of my family. I was terrified of buses, I wasn't diving into buses as the 5:43 to Ripley rolled by but the idea of being on one made me feel horribly sick. I also had the classic social anxiety for major events, I could be out with friends doing whatever and be quite happy but roll up a big party that I wasn't sure of the location/exits of and my stomach couldn't handle it, particularly going up town on a night. I understand now that it was a social anxiety revolving around a lack of control, the fear of being sick especially worried me which caused the bus and eating fear, I couldn't create an exit for these situations and so my brain couldn't cope.
 
I missed out on a lot in my teens and I'm frustrated to not have challenged it more at the time. I did challenge it, I had to get on buses for the princes trust meetings I had six years ago, I tried to eat in any situation that set me off and I went out wherever I could manage it. Sometimes it was a success, others I looked so pale and shakey that people thought I was legitimately ill, ironically giving me an exit and stopping any real embarrassment.
 
I dealt with that myself and managed to generally beat it, or so I thought. At the end of 2014 I suffered a massive anxiety attack that put me in bed for a week and took away my ability to speak for days. I was locked in my own head with a level of fear I've never had before and don't wish to experience again. It was caused by my health and created a spiral of health anxiety which continues in a very lower level to this day, though now I do have it under lock and key most of the time.

I tremor. when I turn my hands they shake, I've generally got an almost imperceptible shake to my hands when they act that you won't notice unless you focus on it or I stress it in some way. This goes for my legs, joints and back too. I worked as a Poker Dealer for over six months and the focus you have on your hands in that line of work, and the focus others have on your hands, raised a few comments at how 'nervous' I must be etc when I was quite calm and happy. I started to notice it too and kept an eye on it. Unfortunately I decided to google it one morning when I was pouring milk into a cup of tea and couldn't keep the bottle steady. I took one look at the 3 causes of tremor and what I can only describe as a hammer blow came down on my senses. It was sheer panic.

The only three causes of action tremor like mine, unless it's a minute chance of some rare and wonderful tropical disease, are a benign tremor, MS or MND. I either had a tremor that may advance in difficulty over life very slowly or quickly (no bother), I had MS and my career which I'd just spent 2 years running towards would be over, I'd be in a wheelchair in ten years. Or the ever fun MND/ALS. I'd be dead within 5.

Metaphorically speaking, I **** it. I absolutely **** it.

I basically collapsed onto my girlfriend's bed. I lay there shaking and had to be talked round from inside my head over 3 hours as I played over the fear of losing everything I had. I've mentioned it once or twice but just shy of four years ago I realised what I wanted to do with my life was to work alongside the UN Peacekeepers, off saving the world with logistics and diplomacy. If not with them then I'll be there alongside them and people like them in some aspect. It's what I want to spend my life, literally if need be. I'm very passionate about the field and it took me 3-4 years before starting out to get there to fully understand that's what I wanted. The idea of that being taken away was horrifying, genuinely. I don't fear dying, that scared me, what I felt/feel is my life's work being ripped away? I couldn't process it.
 
I lost my speech for a week and even now I talk too quickly, before I managed to slow it down it was rapid, then when I made mistakes I would think I had a brain tumour, that I had muscle weakness in my cheeks etc. My stomach went to pieces over the coming weeks and months, the anxiety attack itself gave me IBS and has upped my acid production, I now suffer from acid far more and I've been hit by gastritis 3 times in a year. My attention span can be distracted quite easily and at its worse made studying anything pointless, I couldn't take things in. The worst was the muscle tension. As well as the obvious stomach issues I'd tense everything all day, create permanent aches and pains for weeks and not understand why. It was only every now and again I'd notice myself tensing my head (if you know what I mean?), my arms, legs, back, stomach. I'd permanently be fully tensed up which created pain, that in turn created fear. it was a self-fulfilling cycle.

It took a year of tests to understand what was going on with me, all the time of which anxiety mimicked MS symptoms. The pins and needles all over, the vision blur and so on. Very fortunately I don't have MS. I was diagnosed with benign essential tremor which creates its own problems but is absolutely nothing in comparison. In fact, at the rate my tremor has increased, it won't be a problem for me whatsoever until my late life, by which point there's medication to slow it. It's also dulled by alcohol so I have a medicinal reason to be drinking at any given time, a nice perk.

That was 3 years ago. I still get over the odds nerves before big events, I'll trip over my speech if I've not handled those nerves and I tense up without realising all the time (just writing this post I've given myself a headache, I didn't realise I was doing it) but otherwise I'm in total control of it. I understand the flares, I fight them with the logical counters and I'm lucky enough to not have my life affected by it. I deal with the nerves and I train myself to speak more effectively, I look at speech tutors and talks from impressive speakers to pick up their delivery, slow my own and so on.

The long term effects of IBS and the acid are highly annoying and definitely affect my enjoyment of food in life but I'm already coeliac, that had been ruined for me anyway so at this point my body is just flogging a dead horse in its attempt to spoil things for me.

I have to look after my partner frequently as she suffers from a number of mental health issues, all worse than mine and all requiring degrees of understanding. Anyone who looks after or is in a relationship somehow with someone with mental health knows that some days you're going to be snapped at, have to reassure them all night, to handle things when they're dazed and can't think, along with the scarier results of some illnesses. I'm grateful that these days I can do that, take that toll and deal with our other responsibilities without having to worry that I might panic myself. I'm very grateful that I reached that stage (and have stayed there) for two years now during very stressful home and career lives. I know that some people take years just to get our of the house or slow down their worst symptoms, I feel very lucky that I came through it for the better so quickly.

My tips for coping: Podcasts as others have said, nothing too taxing, I use XFM recordings of Gervais/Merchant/Pilkington and 6 Music recordings of Russell Howard and Jon Richardson. They're both excellent shows that require no thought, there's a ton of each on youtube, especially xfm. It's a distracting monologue, anywhere those are to be found is good. As others have also said, phone games or games that take a second to launch, three seconds to learn and you get lost. If you can still manage tactical games then fair play but I found engrossing myself in stats and numbers didn't work initially, even in my favourite genres. The Binding of Isaac helped me a ton, if you're a gamer who needs distraction, head for that. The biggest one is tied to these two and it's the need for an exit. You need to have your exit, however that exists. Need to get off a bus? Keep extra change in case you need to jump off for ten minutes and buy the trip again. Out in town? Find a taxi number, keep some cash back, have a friend in on it with an excuse. At work? Bathroom break, anything. If you have an out you don't need to fear a situation as you can leave it. Always try and have someone in on it, even if it means faking phone calls for a bit if you don't feel comfortable fully explaining why you're leaving a room etc.

If you do have mental health issues and you need somewhere to turn, tell a loved one, a boss or someone you respect. Sit them down and talk about it. The support, advice and general kind words you'll get from fellow sufferers often eclipse those of your local doctor. No-one is immune, I say that as one of the most self confident people I know, reduced to a shivering wreck by a bus trip aged 19 and rendered mute for a week by a Google page with a shaky right hand aged 23.

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

When you get an itchy arse in public.
The next few moments of your existence seem to wholly concentrate on how you can get away with scratching it aggressively without being seen.
Easier said than done.

When you go to see a comedian at a show or a film at the cinema and every two minutes people are howling with laughter. Fine you might say. But when I find it unfunny. Seriously. I was sat next to this family the other day at the cinema at a kids film and they were just laughing out loud at the most simplest of gags. Part of me was pleased for them as if it's that easy to get amused then fair play to them. Part of me felt desolation inside that I posses no capacity for enjoyment.
Often I flick through the 'live at the apollo' episodes and I can decide whether I like a comic or not within a few minutes. Most I don't like. I'm watching and the comic is delivering these stories and lines and folk are laughing in the aisles and i'm sat there barely raising a smile and feeling embarrassed for the performer as it's so terrible.
Is anyone else like this or am I just a freak?
There are very, very few comedians that make me laugh out loud and even when they do it's sporadic. I find some comedians very clever and intelligent and I find those really funny but in an introverted way. I'm smiling and laughing inside and finding them insanely smart but on the outside i'm just not rolling around.
Ok, so i'm a bit odd.
Some comedians though are just atrocious.
 

Up at the back of the South stand we hear very little slagging off of individual players. Everyone is standing and its more like the old terrace atmosphere. Individual moans don't get heard because there's always a chant being started, it may not spread down the stand but there's rarely a moment without someone trying to get one going
I've been in all areas of the ground since it opened in 1997 and i have found the quieter the area the more likely some knobbhead will scream out his displeasure at one of the players. Maybe they don't get a word in at home so its the only chance they will be heard!
When you are more interested in getting behind your team you are less likely to moan during the match.
Thinking back, it happened at the Baseball Ground in the seating areas, the terraces were generally full of people who wanted to sing and support their team. They tended to leave the moaning until after the game.

The BBC are closing down their Travel app without consultation - it's a public service that we use all the time when travelling to away games.
I've signed a petition about it - http://you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/keep-the-bbc-travel-website-and-app-open
Close down the department that deals with celebrity tittle-tattle instead - I just don't get this obsession with what famous people have and haven't done in their private life.
 

When you go to see a comedian at a show or a film at the cinema and every two minutes people are howling with laughter. Fine you might say. But when I find it unfunny. Seriously. I was sat next to this family the other day at the cinema at a kids film and they were just laughing out loud at the most simplest of gags. Part of me was pleased for them as if it's that easy to get amused then fair play to them. Part of me felt desolation inside that I posses no capacity for enjoyment.
Often I flick through the 'live at the apollo' episodes and I can decide whether I like a comic or not within a few minutes. Most I don't like. I'm watching and the comic is delivering these stories and lines and folk are laughing in the aisles and i'm sat there barely raising a smile and feeling embarrassed for the performer as it's so terrible.
Is anyone else like this or am I just a freak?
There are very, very few comedians that make me laugh out loud and even when they do it's sporadic. I find some comedians very clever and intelligent and I find those really funny but in an introverted way. I'm smiling and laughing inside and finding them insanely smart but on the outside i'm just not rolling around.
Ok, so i'm a bit odd.
Some comedians though are just atrocious.
 

Watching MOTD just now. Everton keeper that has been called Robles for ages now is called Joel by the commentators and has Joel on the back of his shirt. Unbelievable.
IT'S ROBLES!!!!!