Reputation from Kinder - Page 187

Kinder reacted to King Kevin in New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to) May 29, 2020

Apparently, this is a real reply from the UK Inland Revenue. The
Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it. The
funniest part of this is imagining the content of the letter sent to
the Tax Office which prompted this reply!

Dear Mr ---------

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than
prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of
the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as
a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to
as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have
always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such
documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream
of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the
letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have
naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would
cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy
pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that
your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of
emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my
own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do
see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity".
More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a
responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some
spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore
up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services",
a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion
that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole
damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the
Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst
colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than
you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles"
and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is
allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university
system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope
has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those
with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice
because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant,
the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially
unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not
in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I
ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole
foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would still owe us
the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,
---------
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue

Kinder reacted to Rev in The Lockdown “Bizarre Purchases” thread May 29, 2020

Once lockdown is over, I might have this post tattooed on my eyelids in case of insomnia.

Kinder reacted to Eddie in Beer Thread May 29, 2020

Prediction - you will post on here next week that Rochefort 10 is the best beer you have ever tasted in your life (or not far off it).
Saisons have a sour edge to them, but they are nowhere near as sour as some styles (gueuzes, lambics and Flemish red beers and Oude Brunes). It's a bit like a mild drinker having his first taste of bitter - you just don't see how anyone could ever like that muck. Dupont is considered to be the marker against which all other saisons are judged, but it would be a dull world if we all liked the same thing.
So, recommendations. 6 dark, 6 blond/light, 6 oddments...
Dark beers: Achel 8 Brune, St Bernardus Abt 12, Chimay Blue, Straffe Hendrik Quadrupel, Corsendonk Pater, Malheur 12
Lighter beers: Brugse Zot Blond, Triple Karmeleit, LeFort Tripel, Tongerlo Triple Prior, Kappitel Watou Tripel 10, La Chouffe Blond
Oddments: Kwak (an amber beer, usually served in a glass that looks like a yard of ale, but smaller); Barbar (best honey beer I've ever tasted); Barista Chocolate Quad (the clue is in the name - all 3 bits of it, coffee, chocolate and strong); Peche Mel (a fusion of peach juice and Bush Tripel - either magnificent or awful, and sometimes both at the same time); Bush de Noel (utterly fabulous spiced seasonal beer); Troubadour Magma (it's sort-of a blond, sort-of a tripel, sort-of an amber beer and sort-of a fruity, hoppy IPA all at the same time).

Kinder reacted to Eddie in Beer Thread May 28, 2020

I like Maibocks and Doppelbocks.
OK, I am obsessed with Belgian beers, but other countries do get a look-in occasionally.
Tonight, I am drinking one particular beer for the first time. It's Austrian, and technically, it's a lager (which means that suddenly, I've got the interest of more than half the people on here, so I'll try and give you a proper review.
First things first, the beer is Samichlaus Helles. All Samichlaus beers are brewed on one day of the year only, and that is (predictably) St Nicholas's Day, December 6. They are brewed by Brauerei Schloss, at Eggenberg Castle, and there's about 5 different varieties. All of them are aged in oak for almost a year before bottling. They are not cheap - the one I'm currently sipping cost me £6 for a 33 cl bottle, but it tips the scales at a liver-worrying 14%.
Appearance: Absolutely crystal-clear bright amber liquid, the colour of sunset. It almost sparkles - it's a glorious colour. There is no head - it burst into life when I poured it but then disappeared instantly. Consequently, there is no lacing.
Smell: Freshly-baked bread - a wonderful wheaty aroma reminiscent of the bread my Granny used to bake 60 years ago. The crusty type of loaf that she used to hold under her arm, butter and then cut a doorstop off. The greatest bread I ever tasted. It's malty too, with a very pleasant fruitiness - think over-ripe pears.
Taste: Initially sweet and boozy. This is like a barley wine on speed, but all the time the maltiness is struggling to break through - and then it does, all at once. But it's warming - as it trickles down the throat, it feels more like a whisky on the way down than a beer. It's huge, and it lingers an awful long time after each sip.
Mouthfeel: Slick and oily. There is a word in Derbyshire which describes how a pie feels when it is almost magnetically drawn to the roof of your mouth, and that is 'Claarty' (double'a'). With a pie, it's not exactly great - but with a beer, it's almost comforting. It's definitely reaching the parts that other beers don't reach. It just seems to linger there, long after the rest of the liquid has headed South. Perhaps it's the booze, but it's lovely.
Overall: I've died and gone to beer heaven. This is up there with the finest beers I have ever tasted in my life - and I have been drinking an awful long time.
Do you know the best part? I'm only a quarter of the way down the glass, and I've got five more bottles (A couple of which I think I'll lay down for a couple of years).

Kinder reacted to Eddie in Beer Thread May 20, 2020

If it's strength you want, then Samichlaus is worth looking at. Very expensive, but exquisite. I have a couple on order which I have never had before, one of which is Schwarzes, a black lager tipping the scales at 14%. Austrian, of course.
My favourite English beer is, without a doubt, Tynt Meadow, brewed at Mount St Bernard monastery, near Coalville, so it's our only Trappist beer. Not strong (7.5%), but a huge flavour bomb. It's an English-style dark/brown ale (think Robinsons Old Tom), but I think they use a Belgian yeast which gives it a wonderfully complex aroma and flavour.
Tynt Meadow first saw the light of day about 2 years ago, and really it wasn't that great. I think they had yeast problems, and the beer just didn't really cut it. Six months later, I tried another one, and the difference was substantial. I put that down to bottle-aging and the beer maturing over time, so I started buying the odd box from the monastery. It just seemed to get better and better, and now I think it's world class. Even the young bottles are delicious.

Kinder reacted to EtoileSportiveDeDerby in Beer Thread May 20, 2020

Eddie is the man, clearly...but all I would like to add is that the difference I find between Belgian beer and some of the stronger stuff you get here is that they actually taste nice but not necessarily strong. The net result is that once you 've had a few you can get get p!ssed before you know it.
Enjoy, they do have wonderful beers!

Kinder got a reaction from Eddie in Beer Thread May 20, 2020

Amazing, thanks Eddie. I’ll get a selection and report back. I like the sound of Trappist beers so will get a few of those, plus some of the others you’ve recommended. Much appreciated thanks. ?

Kinder reacted to Eddie in Beer Thread May 20, 2020

OK, try Tesco first. They have the following:
Leffe blond and Leffe brune, both what I consider to be 'entry-level' Belgian beers. InBev own the company, so they are somewhat mass-produced, but don't let anyone tell you that they are rubbish - they're not, and I always have a bottle of Leffe brune in the house (for cooking). The cost is usually around a fiver for 4 bottles (33 cl) or £3 for a 75 cl bottle. It's strange, but Belgian beers always seem to taste better in larger bottles (possibly because you relish a glass while looking forward to another). Both beers are around 6.5% ABV.
St Feuillien Saison is a light, dry-hopped summer-style beer, which is currently on offer at 4 bottles for £6. I like it, and drink it regularly. I think the offer runs for a few months. It's 6.5% ABV.
Westmalle Dubbel is a dark beer (all Dubbels are dark, most Tripels are light) which I think would be right up your street. It's a genuine Trappist beer, brewed within the Westmalle monastery, and it is truly world-class. It's around 7.5% and is a personal favourite.
Duvel (meaning 'Devil') is quite readily available now. A very blond beer which generates a huge head - it's 8% and costs £2 a bottle.
Then there is Duvel Tripel Hop. They use 2 of the same hops they use in the normal Duvel, but each year they change the third hop. You will probably find this has 'Citra' on the label - I think the other one doing the rounds at the moment is Cashmere. Again 8% - this one is £2-50 a bottle.
Another blond they do is Delirium Tremens (look for a grey bottle with pink elephants on it) - I like it more than Duvel, but it is a little sweet for some. Again, around 8% and £2-50 a bottle.
St Louis Gueuze is £3-50 a bottle, and it is a Lambic beer. Very much an acquired taste because it is quite sour according to my missus, but I love it. Lambic beers don't have yeasts added - they spontaneously ferment using the natural atmospheric yeasts (a bit like cider uses the yeast in apple skins). I love the style, but it is an acquired taste. Some think it's a bit 'funky'.
Bacchus Kriek is an excellent fruit beer. Not strong - around 5%, but it's delicious. Again, £2-50 a bottle, this doesn't have a label on it. The bottle is wrapped in paper. It starts life as a Lambic gueuze, and then a huge amount of cherries are added to the fermentation vessel during the secondary fermentation.
Where to buy other than Tesco?
For a swift turnaround, Beers Of Europe is a good place to start. They have a reasonable range (3 or 4 hundred Belgians, or they did in the 'beforetimes', and they turn orders around pretty quickly (usually within a week). Free delivery on orders over £60. The best place, but at the moment they are quite slow because of the huge demand, is Belgiuminabox, based in Antwerp. The postal charge is around 10 Euros, and for that you can get something like 30 kilos. That works out to over 40 bottles, but spare a thought for the poor old DPD driver who has to carry that. My typical order will set me back around £100 for around 40 bottles, but the quality of the beers is a cut above what you would get in Tesco.
Prost.

Kinder got a reaction from Eddie in Beer Thread May 20, 2020

After reading you guys (mostly Eddie!) waxing lyrical over Belgian beers, I want to dip my toe in and see if they’re for me. Could anyone recommend me a few to get started and where’s best to order from? I’m normally into darker beers / stout but I’ll try anything. Cheers in advance.

Kinder reacted to Stagtime in The Lockdown “Bizarre Purchases” thread May 13, 2020

Got bored with nothing to do on weekends so I bought a 2.700m door and pulled the back of the house down.

Kinder reacted to Gritstone Ram in Beer Thread May 9, 2020

Top notch quality beer. The brewery is about 200m from the in-laws house. They have done a beer called Florence and the money goes to the NHS.

Kinder got a reaction from Gritstone Ram in Beer Thread May 9, 2020

Jaipur is the bee’s knees, love it. I love most Thornbridge beers though!

Kinder reacted to OoooMarkWright in Watchable telly May 8, 2020

The last ever episode of Homeland screened tonight. Outstanding. Although it’s been going for years, and maybe lost its way in the middle series, overall it’s been superb TV. Brilliant acting between Saul and Carrie, the plot reflects reality brilliantly at times. Great stuff.