Carnero

I sense a humour dig, but only because the name commodore seems familiar?  (My kids were born in the '80's).  The rest just whooshed right over my head.  LOL.
For the record, it's a 2 year old Dell summatorother laptop.  Win10.  Chrome.  I know very little else (literally!), but this problem does seem to be unique to this site, as I do get full access to similar emoji things on other message boards.
I had to google how to do the screenshot!  Ha Ha!

Are you on a ZX81, or Commodore Amiga?

Never try and drink your feelings away buddy... it’s a slippery slope! talking is the best way, and this is the place to do it ? Never regret posting anything here (apart from the dark fruits stuff) hope everything is ok with your family mate ?

However you are feeling,  it's always best to share with others. If you can't talk about it with family, talk here or find a friendly support officer at uni - they all have them nowadays. 
I know you won't want to hear this either but the alcohol is only a temporary dampener and actually lowers rather than improves the way you're feeling over time. Good food, fresh air, walks and friends are much better long term props to your well-being. 
Right, nagging over! 
I hope whatever is affecting you is better soon. Even if it isn't try and be there for the people affected - you can support each other through this.
And enjoy the game today! I always look out for you when I know you're going but never spotted you yet. COYR! 

Not too bad, apart from the packing/dressing changes.
Came out of hospital last night, so at least I'm not spending my birthday in hospital!
Dosing up on the morphine now ready for the district nurses visit.
Hope Joel's picking up with the antibiotics, and you can enjoy Christmas together.
p.s. the knacker(s) line made me smile, the last thing the surgeon said was I'll whip one out if it's infected too, haven't been brave enough to check whether he did or not!

@AshfieldRam good post mate,can’t have been easy.
Writing it down is usually  a help.
Can you get a bit more flexibility with your work and cut it a bit?
I’m not a fan of all those anti depressants but I’m not a Dr and I know they can have a use.
What do you enjoy doing?
Any exercise?
Don’t ever think your family would be better off without you mate,no way.
Well done posting?

Another uncomfortable read - l hope the break over Christmas helps you @AshfieldRam and that your Saturday appointment offers you some immediate relief.
Wishing everyone on here a merry Christmas, but particularly those who l often find in here.  Stay strong brothers, and Lambchop.

I wouldn't set too much store by CBT tbh, but talking therapies are free through your GP, an initial block of 12 sessions with the possibility of referral for a further 12. Depending on where you are, there are also voluntary sector providers like DRCS, which are pretty good. 
Do you have a sense of what it is that is making you feel like you can't carry on? Trying to think it through honestly yourself can help, even better if you can share it with friends/ family/ partner. 
Hang in there. These things do go in cycles, so while it may feel like a downward curve now, that won't last indefinitely. Recovery is always possible, so don't give up!
https://drcs.org.uk/
 

Hello all, 
It's hard to post this but this week has been possibly the worst my mental health has ever been. I recently posted in another thread about wanting to make 2019 positive but ever since Saturday i've gone downhill so so fast. 
I had a little worry, It started as a minor worry, then it developed inside me to a concern, the grew larger and larger into a huge obsession that i couldn't shift and consequently i found myself at the doors of depression. 
I started taking my Citalopram on Saturday but it hasn't yet kicked in. On Monday, i was in absolute hysteric floods of tears crying to my Mum and Dad and since then the floodgates have definitely opened. My mum gave me a Diazepam to help calm me down but this just made me dizzy and sick before eventually having a calming effect late on in evening.
Tuesday i went in to work as normal at about 2:30 my boss told me to get home and rest because i looked very ill. I went to play football in the evening as i always do on Tuesday but this proved extremely difficult. I thought the exercise and fresh air would do me wonders but inside all i was doing was fixating on my problems. Despite nearly passing out 3 times i managed to make it through. After another cry to my parents i managed 6 hours sleep.
Wednesday i was able to see the doctor. He gave me more tablets and some numbers for CBT therapy providers in the local area. I immediately rang them and was quite shocked just how long the process can take and one of them was charging quite a considerable amount.
Wednesday evening as i attempted to try to be active to my mind of things i panicked and fainted for a good few minutes. After coming round i was take to my bed where again, i found myself in floods of tears being consoled by Girlfriend, Mum and Dad.  
Yesterday morning i woke up very early again. 4:45 to be exact. I dragged my duvet down stairs hoping that a change of scenery may help. I went to take my tablet in the morning as i've started doing and then i got really really scared. I looked at these tablets and though 'Why don't i just take loads of them and then i won't have to feel like this anymore?' So i took one, then took a second one straight after. I started Vomiting almost immediately afterwards, panicking and deep breathing. Before i knew, i had fainted once again only to be found by my Mum. Once i had come round, my vomiting continued and my thoughts worsened about just taking more tablets to stop me feeling bad or anything all together. I was taken straight to the hospital and given a number of physical tests that all came back positive so i was allowed to come home. I hadn't at this point mentioned to the hospital or anyone that i was feeling suicidal.  As the afternoon progresses my mood swung again, up and down and up and down again. Eventually i was again hysterical and i decided that i had to tell my parents that i'd worried about ending things that morning if i could. I explained to them that i felt like a constant failure and that peoples life would be easier without me there. I don't think i've ever cried as much as i did yesterday. I had the same conversation with my girlfriend that evening and it absolutely destroyed me saying what i said but i was and still am scared that i will do something stupid. My dad rang one of the metal health helplines and i explained to them what was happening in my mind and they marked me as 'critical' meaning i needed immediate help. They eventually rang and they were absolutely no help what so ever. The earliest they could see me was Saturday afternoon and despite my girlfriend pleading with the man on the phone that i needed immediate help he just said 'Saturday afternoon' then shut down the conversation to hang up. I was left in the darkest hole i think i could possibly have been in and if it wasn't for the people around me i don't know what i would have done. 
I actually began to improve last night and decided that this morning i would come in to work and get myself some routine back. I have done and so far i'm just about on top of my emotions but even the littlest things feels like it could set me off. 
Christmas is my favourite time of the year and i can't even think about it. I just want to be better for it so the people who are around me can enjoy it too. 
I'm sorry for the essay but i thought writing it down might help and i'm hopeful that i can be on the mend soon and one day look back on it with the experience to help others
 

Need to zoom out a little on these photos, we need to see the full majesty..

@Norman had 'tennis days'. 
Adjusts mental image. 
 

I had a hydrocele, mate. Caused my a hernia in my groin from my tennis days. 
Went to sleep with him saying he was draining it and would be up and about in 3 days, to waking up with him saying it was infected and they had scraped my ballbag as well as draining it.
Didn't walk for 2 weeks and dreamt I was the king of all monkeys when I was on Tramadol. 
I feel yout pain. My stitches were also too tight and got infected ?, so had to go back to hospital. Then Thorne ducked his knee in pre season the day I came out. Not a good 3 weeks.

Cheers.
I do feel sorry for myself, then think of all your lad goes through and it puts things in perspective.

Phew, when i scrolled down to the photo i feared the worst..
 

I ended up having the surgery at 1.30pm this afternoon after a last minute hitch delayed things after I'd been prepped originally at midnight.
21hrs nil by mouth in the end.
Fookin hurts, two incisions in the bawlbag then flush out and clean the infection, now starting a 24hr IV course of antibiotics for now, but will probably change again once the results from the lab come in, so looking at a boring few days before going home.

Hard to read, even more difficult to know how to respond. I can only say l feel your pain, and wish you stronger and in a better place very soon. Today, spilling to us, will hopefully be a positive kickstart for you.
p.s. Perhaps now might be a good time to change your username again.  Moist One is ironically an anagram of Emotions.

@Moist One,that’s horrible for you to feel so low but also massive that you’ve written it all down on here.
I am guessing that you’ve held back quite a bit too?
I’ve got a million things on this afternoon but whilst I’m going through them all I’m going to put all my thoughts to you and if there’s anything I can do to help.
I’m not saying i’ll come up with anything other than some supportive words but I’m thinking about you and if I can help I will.
And friends are overrated by the way.

Tough to know what to say to that - but if you've been open and honest and laid this out to friends, and they aren't helping you, then they are the wrong sort of friends
That's not slag them off, but you talk about circles of friends and I find that i have different types of friends. The ones you'd trust with your life, the ones that are great to go out drinking with, the ones you used to work with and are nice enough but you don't have a lot in common with, etc etc. Like you say, I'm sure they all have a ton of their own poo to worry about, and if that means they don't have time to be there for you, then you need to look elsewhere for help. Trying to force them to care and then feeling let down when they don't is a horrible place to be so you shouldn't feel bad about taking positive action to leave them alone. 
I guess you need to know that there is another circle of friends on here who don't know you at all in the real sense of the word, but are always here to listen and not make you feel alone.  You did the right thing posting. If it ever gets this bad - always share your thoughts here and one (or more) of us bell-ends will try and help in whatever small way we can
 

@Moist One Don't be alone over Christmas if you don't want to be. Pm me anytime if you fancy a pint. 
Ps Obviously, you'd have to be really desperate!

Rescued Ruby 2 weeks ago and she wouldn’t go anywhere near me... now we are best mates.

the fight (or some of it) is on youtube at the moment

11 weeks old now and made it to base camp  (although he had to yelp to be rescued as he could get no higher and refused to jump down!)
 

We were linked with a £3.5m move for Glenn Murray four years ago. I must admit I wasn't keen on the injury-plagued has-been:
https://www.getreading.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/reading-fc-transfer-speculation-glenn-8126378
 

Wonder if it was Zdravko Mamic?
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2018/jun/07/how-luka-modric-and-dejan-lovren-got-caught-up-in-croatian-corruption-world-cup-football

Eric Steele tells a good story about going to scout him for Villa and how all transfers from Croatia had to go through a 'Mr. Big' and what they offered Eric as hospitality (Eric, being an utter gent refused obviously)