WharfedaleRam

I remember walking down to the BBG and PP full of confidence that we would get a result. You knew what every player was capable of, their position on the pitch and the managers tactics. It was down to our opponents to try and stop us.
Wayne says the players have no confidence. Just sit them down and show them the home game v Swansea.
Stop hoofing it and play football, minus the endless passing from side to side. The only time we got it down and played v Brum , they couldn’t cope and we scored.
To the players. Our ground is called PRIDE Park. Let’s be avin some in the last 2 games.
UTR 

Or better still, working out how to ease the financial woes of the 70 odd clubs teetering on the edge of extinction due to Covid restrictions. As it is, they'll simply end up spending another £2 million fighting a case they can't win before passing the bill for their stupidity to the very clubs who are struggling to survive.
Let's be honest here; we're talking about a body who seem far more keen on protecting the interests of Premier League teams than those they purport to serve. They have been seen to be wholly unfit purpose in every regard for a period of years now and the sooner they are put out to pasture, once and for all, the better for all concerned. 
 

Always thought he went there too soon in his managerial career. Not only was he short of the nous to seriously compete with Pep & Klopp, If it did go awry for him, his dream job is out the window at an early age and anywhere else he might go will be a personal step down for him. (In my opinion, don’t want the forum pedants thinking this is fact ?)
Wonder if his mates will be as quick to post the Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now vid ? 

Applications are now open, membership is free, you just have to love having a striker that doesn’t end up on his arse every 5 minutes and can piggyback defenders with ease.
Who’s in?

Unbelievable of a different variety. 
 

I phoned my grandma last night to ask her how she was getting on with her new stair lift.
She said, "To be honest it's driving me up the wall."

Collie: 30 sheep, present and correct. 
Shepherd: I only have 28. 
Collie: I rounded them up. 

A man gets pulled over for speeding.
 
The police officer approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The officer says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. Another officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
This officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!"

Sad news today. After years of medical training and hard work, a mate of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients so can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time and effort. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

Bloody women!!! I booked a table for tonight for me and the missus for valentines day and It turns out she doesn't like snooker.

A drunk man who smelled of  beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's  tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. 
He opened his  newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to  the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes  arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's   caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your  fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a  bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”,  then returned to his  paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm  very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had  arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here  that the  Pope does."

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
 
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
 
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
 
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
 
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
 
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
 
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!” she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
 
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

A professor at the University of Nottingham was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
 
Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
 
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your arse hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
 
She replied, "Probably watching 'Forest at the city ground  with his mates"

Youngsters, who expect supermarket car parks, roads and buses to be totally free for them to use during weekends and normal working hours! ?

Youngsters, who expect supermarket car parks, roads and buses to be totally free for them to use during weekends and normal working hours! ?

Youngsters, who expect supermarket car parks, roads and buses to be totally free for them to use during weekends and normal working hours! ?

Steve Wright on Radio 2 constantly referring to 'serious jockin'. Shut the f*** up! You're only playing tunes for a livin!

Steve Wright on Radio 2 constantly referring to 'serious jockin'. Shut the f*** up! You're only playing tunes for a livin!

******* cub scouts packing shopping at supermarket checkouts. 
Would you like a hand with your packing?
Errrr?  No!!! I don't want my fresh cobs packed under the milk and washing power thanks!!! 

Half right B4. Brazilian Lucas Piazon. It's his 5th loan away from Chelsea and he's getting tired of it.....apparently! It's all the travelling you know, Fulham being a good 800 yards down the road! Bless!

Half right B4. Brazilian Lucas Piazon. It's his 5th loan away from Chelsea and he's getting tired of it.....apparently! It's all the travelling you know, Fulham being a good 800 yards down the road! Bless!