Mucker1884

Life is so fragile.

Hope everyone’s doing ok?I know that’s not the case.
Anyone feeling low put it in here,I’m sure someone will pick up on it.
@Mucker1884?How you doing brother?

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Please consider your surroundings, and don't start a sentence with "May 2020"... What with the capital letter, I suddenly dreamt of good times ahead, and maybe another Wembley visit!  Thankfully, it was only a second or so, before reality kicked in, the dreams were shattered, and I was back down to Earth with a bump!
This is not the place for raising such hopes, intended or otherwise!
??

@Mucker1884 what a tremendously uplifting post given your circumstances. Have the best Christmas you can.
l really enjoy this thread, in fact it’s arguably my favourite which is a bit bizarre really. Rarely a comfortable read, but it does make you reevaluate your own circumstances and so many of the responses warm the heart.
Being the SAD bar steward I am, I have had a pretty tough last 6 weeks but I have arrived in Tenerife today and hope to get 9 days of sunshine to recharge the serotonin batteries which hopefully will get me through to Spring.
To all those who have posted their issues on here over the years, have a very merry Christmas. May 2020 offer some real positive changes for you all.

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

Hey all,
Thank you all for the kind words, and the caring "reactions".
Without wishing to single anyone out,... I'm not doing too bad, I guess.
Been a busy week of course, hence my lack of activity and acknowledgement on here, and it's fair to say the emotional roller coaster has been running at full capacity, but hey, I'm slowly coming to turns with this emotional stuff these past 4 or 5 years, and may even start to get used to these "crappy Christmases" after the past half dozen years or so!  I hasten to say, there were literally decades of continuously happy ones before that, so I'm fully aware of my blessings, and never lose count of them!
(Weak) apologies for blurting out my feelings to you all last week, but after what we went through 3+ years ago, with my aforementioned granddaughter, I'm fully aware of how selfishly soothing the internet can be... in the right company.! (Lucky for you lot I didn't know you then... I nearly broke the internet!)
For those doubters amongst you, I can assure you it really is "good to talk" in certain situations... and even better when those thoughtful and generous responses come rolling back at yer, so if I have one request, it is that none of you go bottling things up out there.  We may all be strangers on here, but we're all mates too, right!  There is an obvious bond, when all said and done!
Without wishing to bore you, after a couple of days of "taking charge", I'm slowly, but confidently, now passing control to my nephew... sis's only child... who I have to say, is now showing clear signs of maturity and reliability beyond my expectations, if I'm honest.  We're there for him, of course, and we're all chipping in with both the practicalities and the emotionalities (I made that up... obvs!) but he is coping handsomely, as we all are.
There is a Post Mortem involved, and due to the time of year, things are gonna drag out a little, well into the New Year, which ain't ideal of course.  But it is what it is, I guess!
I'm hopeful I'll find time to catch up... and hopefully contribute... to the footy side of these forums (Which let's face it, is the main reason we're all here), but just in case I don't may I just wish you all a Merry Xmas, and a healthy and happy New Year.  Treasure those families of yours, and find time to raise a glass to the memories of all those that we have all lost over the years.
... Oh yeah... and ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEY!
 
DCFC...  No bottling.
dcfcfans... No bottling it up!
xxx
 
 
 
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!
 

So, yer mam dies in her early 40's, when you are 16.  2 years later, yer dad dies, still in his 40's, albeit 49.  This leaves you, as an 18 year old only boy, 3 elder sisters (21, 24 & 27), and the baby of the bunch, little sis who is still only 9 at this stage.
I guess what happens next is you start to wonder... will I manage to live a bit longer than my parents?... who will be the first sibling to cop it... and when!
Those thoughts have never left me.  4 of us have since lived longer than our parents, thankfully.  Baby sis has now lived longer than mum, and is closing in on the age dad was, so all good there, I guess.
I have to admit, on the day I equalled Dad's age, I was a little bit emotional, if truth be told.  Relief?  Guilt?  No idea, but it was a weird feeling!
But the one thing I have literally been dreading since being left an "orphan"... over 39 years ago now... is the first of us siblings going. 
...It happened last night! 

The sister up from me (so the third eldest) lasted until she was 60.... and two months.  I guess we shouldn't moan, given the family history, but I can't describe the gut-wrenching feeling, now the first one of us has gone!  This is the day I have been dreading for over 39 bloody years!
Depressed?  No.  Not in the true sense.
Anxious?  You bet!
Stress?  Not yet, but I'm sure that will come, as we try and help our 24 year old nephew (Sis's only child) through the next few days, weeks, and maybe even years.  Lot's to do.  Lot's to sort out.  Him and us.  There's no-one else to do it!
The first of my siblings gone... out of the blue... no warning!  Suddenly, I no longer feel immortal!
Eldest sis (67 next month) is feeling guilty, not being the first to go!
Baby sis is distraught, and now has to face her first close-relative mourning since becoming a 9 year old orphan!
Being old fashioned, I feel the need to take the lead.  To be practical.  The only boy, and all that!  Time to become a man!  Time to take charge, I guess, and stay strong for my remaining 3 sisters, and my nephew... but I can't help but feel vulnerable this morning, if truth be told.
Thankfully, I have the strongest, most wonderful wife tight by my side, so all is not lost!
I'm sure I'm not the first to lose a sibling, of course, but right now, feeling the way I do, a feeling I've never experienced before, is daunting to say the least.
It feels different to losing a parent.  It feels different to losing a granddaughter at 1 hour old.  Maybe not worse.  Maybe not easier.  But closer, I guess.  More frightening.  Too close for comfort!
Not looking for sympathy.  Just an ear.  Just a shoulder to lean on.  I may be back, I may not.  Having not been through this particular emotion, I really don't know what happens next!
 
PS:
Yes... yesterday's game really was poo, wasn't it!