Depression, anxiety, stress and other related issues

[Tombo]

1 hour ago, sage said:

Maybe it has always been this prevalent and it just seems on the increase as there is greater awareness and openness. This is the case in child abuse, your child is no more at risk of being abducted than in the 60s, 70s or 80s, we just perceive a greater risk 

Yeah, that's a fairly feasible theory. But then if it has always been this prevalent, we've on the whole been living a miserable existence as a species for centuries. Like I say, I don't think I can just accept that life is just the way it is and we are the way we are because we always have been, only awareness has increased. Surely we would not have survived as a species if we had this kind of emotional flaw in us.

I'm inclined to say it's just a modern thing and that our lifestyles are just unhealthy. It's like the obesity crisis for the brain.

[Parsnip]

3 minutes ago, Tombo said:

Yeah, that's a fairly feasible theory. But then if it has always been this prevalent, we've on the whole been living a miserable existence as a species for centuries. Like I say, I don't think I can just accept that life is just the way it is and we are the way we are because we always have been, only awareness has increased. Surely we would not have survived as a species if we had this kind of emotional flaw in us.

I'm inclined to say it's just a modern thing and that our lifestyles are just unhealthy. It's like the obesity crisis for the brain.

Boom. That's exactly what it is.

Parsnip mash anyone?

[Tombo]

Just now, Parsnip said:

Boom. That's exactly what it is.

Parsnip mash anyone?

I'd prefer a rustlers burger and some internet ...

Definitely nothing to do with our lifestyles...

[Parsnip]

1 minute ago, Parsnip said:

Boom. That's exactly what it is.

Parsnip mash anyone?

Actually that's not fair - i'd delete that if i could. Mental health can be hugely complex of course - i wouldn't trivialise it at all.

My earlier post was just suggesting that from a biochemists point of view, and trying to treat the person as a whole rather than a specific ailment - then a dietry change might help some people.

[Tombo]

Related note, I've started to find some help in cryptic crossword books. I know, I'm too young to be that boring but it's a good way to exercise your brain. TV and internet will leave you hollow, and just like when you've neglected your physical body, you've got to even things out with a gruelling run on the treadmill, you have to give your brain a run every now and again. Sometimes you realise you're just going through the motions and not thinking at all. Or sometimes you think but you get stuck on worrying or stressing about something. We've all had those nights where your brain just thinks up horrendous scenarios when you're trying to sleep, in which the missus leaves you and takes the kids and dog or whatever. You know it won't happen really, but the more you obsess the more you convince yourself. Practice 'mindfulness' as they call it. Don't stress about the past, don't worry about the future, focus on the very now. Cryptic crosswords and quiz books will do your head in but you realise how much you relish the challenge once you start. Something to get your teeth into.

Also, dust off the cobwebs on your brain and always find new ways to relax. Some of you might be like me and you get stuck in 'relaxing' routines. Watch the same TV, play the same video games etc... You tell yourself you're unwinding but you know you're not. If you get like that, think of something you haven't done in ages and do it. Even something as simple as just this very morning, I was on the bus with my headphones on and there was a newspaper sat on the seat next to me. I can't remember the last time I killed a bus journey with a newspaper. I did this morning and somehow things felt different. There was a bit more colour in between the lines. Variety is the spice of life.

There, those are free for yous. On the house.

[Tony Le Mesmer]

Buddhism has interested me.

Also the meaning of life. If you can accept that there is absolutely no meaning to your life other than being alive then it does make things easier. We are alive. There is no reason or meaning outside what we ourselves choose. We are simply alive.

[Tombo]

1 minute ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Buddhism has interested me.

Also the meaning of life. If you can accept that there is absolutely no meaning to your life other than being alive then it does make things easier. We are alive. There is no reason or meaning outside what we ourselves choose. We are simply alive.

Some very interesting spiritual teachings with them. Sometimes listen to this when I'm at my worst. Shamelessly, it's because I heard it sampled in a song, but the full clip is very useful so it doesn't matter where you find it.

 

[PistoldPete2]

9 hours ago, Boycie said:

Apparently it can lead to erectile dysfunction, which inturn causes depression.

so there you go.

Oh ok. how does that work? Cos your missus doesn't look or act like a star you can't get it up?

[Coneheadjohn]

16 hours ago, RamsPolls said:

Hi Guys - @RamsPolls here

The past couple of months, I haven't really been myself. Obviously no one on here knows me in person, But I feel like a lot of you get my personality. I have been dealing with depression. I used to be someone who had a great outlook on life and thought I could conquer the world. Like most of you know, I own my own business inherited from my old man, and no matter what I do, I just feel down about myself constantly. I have a girlfriend who I love to pieces but I can't even talk to her about this. 

I just feel like I'm never going to be good enough for life. A dream of mine to move to america and make something of myself. But I feel like my depression has come due to me being tied down to Derby because of my business and family. Everyday I wake up and have no motivation to do anything, always feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything. 

Yesterday I have a big breakdown, just sat watching not so super Sunday on Sky Sports and I just was thinking about my life and how scared I am about just plodding along with life and not fulfilling my interests.

I have these odds spells in the day when I have a strong feeling in my chest when I over think things and honestly just sit there and think I'm about to burst into tears. Then I think about how my life will go and it just makes my chest pains worse. I've been to the doctors with this and they said I have mild depression but never actually gave my anything to sort it.

I know I shouldn't be moaning about my position in life as I am much more fortunate than most people I know, but I just keep having these situations every single day and it's becoming worse.

If anyone has any tips on how to improve my situation?

Sorry if this is a bit boring. I understand if no one replies lol.

Good effort sharing mate and it's not boring.

I'm off work today mate,it's my birthday and I'm going to spend some of it thinking about your post and i'll get back to you later.

 

[RamsPolls]

25 minutes ago, coneheadjohn said:

Good effort sharing mate and it's not boring.

I'm off work today mate,it's my birthday and I'm going to spend some of it thinking about your post and i'll get back to you later.

 

Happy Birthday mate  

[Coneheadjohn]

10 minutes ago, RamsPolls said:

Happy Birthday mate  

48 bud...not so happy.

[RamsPolls]

20 minutes ago, coneheadjohn said:

48 bud...not so happy.

48 is the new 30. I'm turning 21 this year. Still feel like i'm a boy. 

[Coneheadjohn]

1 hour ago, RamsPolls said:

48 is the new 30. I'm turning 21 this year. Still feel like i'm a boy. 

You are!

[Coneheadjohn]

@RamsPolls well an hour lifting weights has left me with a clearer head(god knows what it's done to my body).

The point I was trying to get across was that if you've got someone who cares about you then you're half way.

This thread is such a positive place to share your thoughts on.

Plenty of people on here give a **** even though they don't know you personally.

Don't beat yourself up,if you're down come on here and tell everyone.

Take a step back from your life and try and do something to make you happy,anything.

I don't know you mate,chances are I will never meet you but if something happened to you I'd be gutted.

Same with everyone else on here who's having a tough time.

All the best mate.

[RamsPolls]

@coneheadjohn Cheers for that mate ^^

I know that I shouldn't beat myself up about it, because I am way more fortunate than most people my age. But I've always tried to move to america in a big city to become something. I want to live the dream and earn stupid money in an enjoyable job. Every time I've gone to apply for a job over there I never get any response. I obviously know that it would be very unlikely to make it in america and earn stupid money, But it's been a huge dream of mine. I just beat myself up because I can't get into the place that will enable me to make something of myself. If i could get into any job over in america then that's a stepping stone into the dream I want. 

But I get what you're saying. I always try to do things that make me happy but they still don't replace that shadow in my head that i'm wasting my life. It's always going to be there until I have a job that I enjoy and I'm living my dream...

Hard for me to get rid of that. 

[Stive Pesley]

1 hour ago, RamsPolls said:

I just beat myself up because I can't get into the place that will enable me to make something of myself. If i could get into any job over in america then that's a stepping stone into the dream I want. 

But I get what you're saying. I always try to do things that make me happy but they still don't replace that shadow in my head that i'm wasting my life. It's always going to be there until I have a job that I enjoy and I'm living my dream...

Hard for me to get rid of that. 

But getting rid of it is the key. I used to feel like that - that if I could just get out of Derby, things would be different, but eventually the reality dawned on me that "where you are" does not define "who you are" or "what you are", And I also realised that I was putting impossibly hard barriers in the way in a self-defeating manner. It didn't feel like I was doing it on purpose, but certainly on a sub-conscious level I was making excuses for my own inaction by putting what seemed like reaonable conditions (in your case "moving to America") in place, when in reality they were far from reasonable (getting meaningful employment in the US as a foreign national is notoriously difficult even bfore Trump clamps down on it even further!)

But the bottom line is that in your head you picture it as "living the dream" but you still have all the exact same things in your head, and in your life. You just have a different geographic co-ordinate. You're still under the same sun and you still **** out the same hole.

A bloke on a football forum spouting cod philosophy at you isn't going to change anything for you, I get that, but the key line is (ironically) in New York, New York:

If I can make it there, I can make it ANYWHERE

[Tony Le Mesmer]

1 hour ago, StivePesley said:

But getting rid of it is the key. I used to feel like that - that if I could just get out of Derby, things would be different, but eventually the reality dawned on me that "where you are" does not define "who you are" or "what you are", And I also realised that I was putting impossibly hard barriers in the way in a self-defeating manner. It didn't feel like I was doing it on purpose, but certainly on a sub-conscious level I was making excuses for my own inaction by putting what seemed like reaonable conditions (in your case "moving to America") in place, when in reality they were far from reasonable (getting meaningful employment in the US as a foreign national is notoriously difficult even bfore Trump clamps down on it even further!)

But the bottom line is that in your head you picture it as "living the dream" but you still have all the exact same things in your head, and in your life. You just have a different geographic co-ordinate. You're still under the same sun and you still **** out the same hole.

A bloke on a football forum spouting cod philosophy at you isn't going to change anything for you, I get that, but the key line is (ironically) in New York, New York:

If I can make it there, I can make it ANYWHERE

I agree with Stive Pesley to a certain extent here and i'm the same. I was born and grew up mainly in Doncaster although I did live briefly in other places but my main dream was to get as far away from the cesshole as I possibly could. Make no mistake. I HATE Doncaster. It's a total craphole and everytime I go back there now (very infrequently for one thing or another) I can feel myself experiencing oppression and gloom from within even driving towards the outskirts with the familiar roads and things.

I can barely bring myself to say the word 'Doncaster' whenever someone asks me where i'm from originally or born. I just say 'near Selby'. I'm being completely serious. I DESPISE the whole place and I don't usually like using negative words like these as they serve no purpose but it is something I am unable to let go of.

I did manage to escape the downtrodden knuckledragging vermin riddled hole that is Donny but I haven't managed to escape far enough. I did live and work down in Devon for a while and my partner went to college down there which is where my fondness for Torquay / Exeter City is from but had to return and managed to get work in Chesterfield where I've been ever since.

I still have dreams of getting a nice house in East Devon somewhere near the coast. It is my favourite part of the country but as you get older you get unexpected things happening and things either don't or can't work out as you planned.

Whilst working the nightshift at B&Q in Donny I had dreams of just walking out the doors and not coming back and working with animals. I'd just about had enough of people in work environments, all the cliques, all the bitching, all the backstabbing, all the culture that goes with it, all the tittle tattle, all the unfairness, all the predictable blokey banter about women and cars and the pointlessness of it all. Sad thing this I DID walk out and I DID get to work with animals at four different shelters up and down the land for two of the largest animal charities and I soon realised that it was EXACTLY the same at those places.

What got me through is that if I had a crap day I could go home knowing i'd made a difference to some animals lives briefly. Over time I just became so disillusioned at the sheer wastage of public donations on top heavy needless staff and their perks and lack of investment in frontline staff that I packed it all in - 15 years worth. It was then I came to the conclusion that maybe everyone in this world is self serving and would put themselves before doing the right thing if it meant they would be put at a disadvantage. I still think like this and this mindset has partially led to my social anxiety because I don't trust people anymore.

I thought that working for an animal charity EVERYONE would be singing from the same hymn sheet, everyone would have the same goals and ideals and everyone would be honest, fair and muck in together so surely there would be nothing for me to complain about. No way Pedro. There are lots and lots of extremely dedicated and hard working folk in the sector that are being hoodwinked, exploited and taken for mugs by those from above.

My view is that the smaller the animal shelter then the more it's a way of life to those who run in and operate it. Facilities are basic and funds are low but they all work together to get animals rehomed. If it's a huge rehoming centre more akin to corporate premises then it's about generating as much income as possible and churning out animals as a secondary concern on a conveyor belt sort of basis and using them as a smokescreen to grow this huge corporate bandwagon. I can say this because I've worked at both types and seen it with my own eyes.

One site I worked at actually had bosses with electric company cars and there was actually an electric charging point installed at the animal centre for them to recharge their cars. Meanwhile at small kennels down the road they are begging for dog food and bedding and money to pay heating bills. Makes me vomit. Anyway, I digress.

My dreams were achievable as I believe yours is Ramspolls but don't pin your entire life on it because you might not accomplish your dreams and you need to accept this as a possibility so it doesn't break you. Also you have to consider that, lie my dreams, even if you get to live them they don't necessarily turn out to be how you envisaged them.

Life is all about change and reaction. Life changes constantly and it's how you react to each change that builds your resilience, strength and confidence. I have spent a lifetime reacting to negative change with anger and frustration and helplessness thus contributing to my issues. All because I basically should have thought positively.

It doesn't matter whether you are in Australia living out your dream as a hunky lifeguard or a rock star touring the world. If you aren't happy within and comfortable in your own skin then you may as well be alone on the moon for all the good these amazing lifestyles would bring you.

Like Stive says, he wanted to get out of Derby just like I wanted to get out of Doncaster and whilst I am 100% sure that I did the right thing and that Donny is a total dump and I am so fortunate that my kid wasn't born there, I now live somewhere else and my issues are still there to some degree or other because they aren't pinned to a geographical place. They are inherent within me.

I have had talk therapies and once I said to the counsellor that if I DIDN'T have all these issues with mental health and was completely free of them then I still would be directionless and unmotivated because I've tried to live my dreams and they've not worked out which has left me doubting the integrity of people and  the whole structure of society as a whole. Doctors, dentists, policemen, judges, teachers, most people really. I just don't trust them to be the beacons of virtue and honesty that they are supposed to be.

Go and get your dreams Ramspolls but don't put so much stock into this whole false ideology of making something of yourself. Katie Price thinks she's made it and yes she has got loads of cash and no talent but in 100 years time she, like me will not exist and even if I sit on my arse for the next 40 years (which i'm making bloody good job of writing this!) then she will be no more or less famous or remembered than I. That is reserved only for a great few.

So if we aren't to make a lasting difference legacy and be remembered like Einstein or Darwin, the best we can do is just live our lives the best we can, try and enjoy it and do what makes you happy. Make friends and family remember you forever because ultimately that's all that matters mate.

[mrdave85]

I don't really have much to add to this topic, I'm 31 with a few financial worries and anxious about moving to a new job and city this Summer. 

But, what I really wanted to post was that there are a lot of brave, incredible, posters to this thread. I've read so many amazing stories. Each one of you is a hero in my eyes. 

[Stive Pesley]

Good post Tony - I won't quote the whole thing for obvious reasons, but just wanted to clear up that I wasn't 100% clear

I didn't mean that staying in the same place is the answer. There are many valid reasons to get away from certain places, and it sounds like you had many. I was more trying to say don't focus on a single alternative place and put it on some pedestal as being the one thing that will make all your troubles right and your fears disappear. That one place could literally be a million other places. It's the mental journey that is more important than the physical journey

 

[Tony Le Mesmer]

17 minutes ago, StivePesley said:

 

Good post Tony - I won't quote the whole thing for obvious reasons, but just wanted to clear up that I wasn't 100% clear

I didn't mean that staying in the same place is the answer. There are many valid reasons to get away from certain places, and it sounds like you had many. I was more trying to say don't focus on a single alternative place and put it on some pedestal as being the one thing that will make all your troubles right and your fears disappear. That one place could literally be a million other places. It's the mental journey that is more important than the physical journey

 

Yes agree Stive. Apologies. Went off on a bit of a ramble then! Not to worry........................so long as it doesn't bring me out in Doncaster!!!

If a place attracts you then by all means go for it if you can but I agree Stive, don't think that place is the answer and everything is solved. It might very well turn out that way but if if doesn't then it's best not to pin everything on it.

Likewise, staying in the same place has nothing wrong with it. Many people stay around where they were born and feel content and happy there and good for them. Nothing wrong with that but some have yearnings to get away and try something different. Sometimes it's better and sometimes people end up back where they started because their 'escape' didn't work out or wasn't what they thought it was and they are happier and belong back where they were born / raised.

Like you say Stive, they are just places and it's more what you enjoy / experience along the way and the people you meet that makes the journey more important than the destination sometimes.