Shadowplay

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...

My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it.
He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.

My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it.
He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...

A friend of mine moved up north when he decided he wanted to live as a woman. He's now got a Wigan address.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it.
He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it.
He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

'You have no idea what's in that vaccine'
.....said Donna, who buys 40 burgers for £2 from Farmfoods.

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

'You have no idea what's in that vaccine'
.....said Donna, who buys 40 burgers for £2 from Farmfoods.

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I said, "Didja redo it?"

'You have no idea what's in that vaccine'
.....said Donna, who buys 40 burgers for £2 from Farmfoods.

Two 70-year-old men, Billy and Pete, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Pete is dying Billy visits him every day.
One day Billy says, "Pete, we have both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Pete looks up at Billy from his death bed "Billy, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.” Shortly after that, Pete sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Billy is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him
"Billy......Billy"
"Who is it?”, asks Billy sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Billy - It's me, Pete."
"You're not Pete... Pete just died!"
"I'm telling you, it's me...... Pete" insists the voice.
"Pete! Where are you?"
"I'm in heaven" replies Pete "and I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Billy.
"The good news," Pete says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!!"
That's fantastic." says Billy. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?â€
"You're in the team for this Saturday!”

Two 70-year-old men, Billy and Pete, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Pete is dying Billy visits him every day.
One day Billy says, "Pete, we have both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Pete looks up at Billy from his death bed "Billy, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.” Shortly after that, Pete sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Billy is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him
"Billy......Billy"
"Who is it?”, asks Billy sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Billy - It's me, Pete."
"You're not Pete... Pete just died!"
"I'm telling you, it's me...... Pete" insists the voice.
"Pete! Where are you?"
"I'm in heaven" replies Pete "and I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Billy.
"The good news," Pete says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!!"
That's fantastic." says Billy. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?â€
"You're in the team for this Saturday!”