Phoenix

Leicestershire County Council (tho' I expect others are similar).
Clearing the garage out I decided to get rid of various old tins of paint, in various states of decay. I go to the local General Household Recycling Facility (Tip) to be told ' you can't dump that here, you need to go to Enderby'. Googling the map I find it's actually in Whetstone, so I look on the LCC website for recycling facility information
Yes, out of all the recycling facilities, Enderby (Whetstone) is the only one to take paint. Okay, it's not too far.
BUT.
You need a licence. It's free but only lasts for a few days, and you have to register with LCC. I register,and have to tell them make & model of car, plus registration number, any distinctive markings, am I the sole driver.
Is it my waste, did it come from my house, was the waste generated by my self or a paid person, is the waste generated by myself the result of a paid job. Yes,yes,me,no.
What sort of waste is it? Dropdown list. I select paint etc.
What sort of paint, emulsion, spirit based, turps, adhesive? How many cans, tins, bottles of each? Slight glitch here, because if I accidentally click 'add another', there's no get out. You have to cancel the whole lot and start again. Never mind, I'm retired and can afford the time.
Submit. I get a message telling me that they will e-mail me login details. I go to my e-mails. There's one telling me I have submitted my details (encouraging) and they will e-mail login details (not so encouraging). I wait. And wait. Several minutes. Then I get an email giving me a password (there was a capital 'I' in it. Or is it a '1'?) I log in, although I don't have a User Name. I guessed (correctly) it was my e-mail address.
It takes me to a screen where I have to change my password before I can progress. (It was an 'I'). I am then given a list of options for receiving my paint-dumping permit, including collection from County Hall (aka the Leicestershire Hilton, and has 18 receptionists, honestly), several libraries, or by post. I choose my local library for speed.
It's Wednesday, but I find that Enderby (Whetstone) tip is closed Wednesday so I plan for Thursday,a quick shopping trip into Hinckley, pick up the permit, drive to Enderby (Whetstone), call in by Topps Tiles (Enderby), home. Bingo.
It's Thursday. The wife has decided what she wants from Hinckley, and also which tiles to pick up, so I carefully load all the paint into the boot of the car, and off we go to Hinckley Public Library. F***ing SHUT.. On a Thursday. I suppose Brexit is to blame. It is for most things.
LCC must be the most overpaid, mindless, cretinous bunch of incompetents in Britain. At least, they are Politically Correct overpaid, mindless, cretinous incompetents.
I now have to waste part of Friday, earmarked for other things, to dump the f***ing stuff. Am I p1ssed off? Is the Pope Catholic?
 

Leicestershire County Council (tho' I expect others are similar).
Clearing the garage out I decided to get rid of various old tins of paint, in various states of decay. I go to the local General Household Recycling Facility (Tip) to be told ' you can't dump that here, you need to go to Enderby'. Googling the map I find it's actually in Whetstone, so I look on the LCC website for recycling facility information
Yes, out of all the recycling facilities, Enderby (Whetstone) is the only one to take paint. Okay, it's not too far.
BUT.
You need a licence. It's free but only lasts for a few days, and you have to register with LCC. I register,and have to tell them make & model of car, plus registration number, any distinctive markings, am I the sole driver.
Is it my waste, did it come from my house, was the waste generated by my self or a paid person, is the waste generated by myself the result of a paid job. Yes,yes,me,no.
What sort of waste is it? Dropdown list. I select paint etc.
What sort of paint, emulsion, spirit based, turps, adhesive? How many cans, tins, bottles of each? Slight glitch here, because if I accidentally click 'add another', there's no get out. You have to cancel the whole lot and start again. Never mind, I'm retired and can afford the time.
Submit. I get a message telling me that they will e-mail me login details. I go to my e-mails. There's one telling me I have submitted my details (encouraging) and they will e-mail login details (not so encouraging). I wait. And wait. Several minutes. Then I get an email giving me a password (there was a capital 'I' in it. Or is it a '1'?) I log in, although I don't have a User Name. I guessed (correctly) it was my e-mail address.
It takes me to a screen where I have to change my password before I can progress. (It was an 'I'). I am then given a list of options for receiving my paint-dumping permit, including collection from County Hall (aka the Leicestershire Hilton, and has 18 receptionists, honestly), several libraries, or by post. I choose my local library for speed.
It's Wednesday, but I find that Enderby (Whetstone) tip is closed Wednesday so I plan for Thursday,a quick shopping trip into Hinckley, pick up the permit, drive to Enderby (Whetstone), call in by Topps Tiles (Enderby), home. Bingo.
It's Thursday. The wife has decided what she wants from Hinckley, and also which tiles to pick up, so I carefully load all the paint into the boot of the car, and off we go to Hinckley Public Library. F***ing SHUT.. On a Thursday. I suppose Brexit is to blame. It is for most things.
LCC must be the most overpaid, mindless, cretinous bunch of incompetents in Britain. At least, they are Politically Correct overpaid, mindless, cretinous incompetents.
I now have to waste part of Friday, earmarked for other things, to dump the f***ing stuff. Am I p1ssed off? Is the Pope Catholic?
 

They have other benefits too, like warning of speed limits (illegal in France for some strange reason). Also giving an indication of how far to the next junction, which is quite useful if you want to overtake a line of lorries and want to know whether you have enough distance to do it.

Oh Phoenix .. That is brilliant ... I've got a filthy cold atm and that got me spluttering my tea everywhere. Hilarious. 
what is it about business cliches ! We just have to have them. It changes with each generation but the last 10-15 years have been epic. Makes me think of  Dickensian Clerk speak. "I remain sir your most obedient servant" and "we thank your for your esteemed enquiry and hope to be favoured with your valued instructions"  

Bull-speak. As a member of the National Trust I am invited to vote for 6 people from a list of 27 people I don't know. Each has written a little synopsis as to who they are, what the NT means to them and what they can offer.
I eliminated those who wrote bull-speak and was left with 7, which made thing easier. Here are a few samples.
The dichotomy of protecting rural landscapes. I can deliniante responses and explain opportunities provided by technology and people to create the dialogues required to find solutions. (etc) Bringing an evidence-based approach to developing strategy and plans I was responsible for assessing, quantifying, planning and effecting strategies so as to grow and embellish, positively, corporate entities.(Christ!) Think outside the boundaries 18 years of coal-face experience (this one's a woman),,,,grass-roots employees ...has fired my enthusiasm for continuing my involvement in governance volunteering Participated in inalienability proposals -blah blah governance volunteering -blah blah governance volunteering Business governance and efficiency - stategic needs - core priorities of conservation and visitor experience A practical grass-roots understanding of good and bad volunteering propositions Championing and lionizing people Governance, stategy and policy, honed over many years Achieve its strategic vision as a charity

Bull-speak. As a member of the National Trust I am invited to vote for 6 people from a list of 27 people I don't know. Each has written a little synopsis as to who they are, what the NT means to them and what they can offer.
I eliminated those who wrote bull-speak and was left with 7, which made thing easier. Here are a few samples.
The dichotomy of protecting rural landscapes. I can deliniante responses and explain opportunities provided by technology and people to create the dialogues required to find solutions. (etc) Bringing an evidence-based approach to developing strategy and plans I was responsible for assessing, quantifying, planning and effecting strategies so as to grow and embellish, positively, corporate entities.(Christ!) Think outside the boundaries 18 years of coal-face experience (this one's a woman),,,,grass-roots employees ...has fired my enthusiasm for continuing my involvement in governance volunteering Participated in inalienability proposals -blah blah governance volunteering -blah blah governance volunteering Business governance and efficiency - stategic needs - core priorities of conservation and visitor experience A practical grass-roots understanding of good and bad volunteering propositions Championing and lionizing people Governance, stategy and policy, honed over many years Achieve its strategic vision as a charity

Grated cheese in cobs and even worse, sandwiches. Bits of cheese falling out everywhere. Only grate cheese if it is going to melt

The drivers that turn in to a lane that's turning off, but at an angle, leaving their butt-end sticking out into your lane, thus obviating the benefit of the turn off lane at a single stroke. This happened about 5 times in my week in the Lake District.
Mind you, wish I was still there.

Dessicated coconut 

Inadequately chilled Chardonnay.

People who let their dogs lick their faces... Disgusting....
 
 

The National Trust's pricing system.
I always thought that by Gift-aiding something, you pay's yer money and they get it plus the implied tax you've paid to get that amount. But no. Their prices are higher if you gift aid it.
An example would be
Non-gift-aided - £18
Gift aided - £20
What's the incentive to gift aid, or am I missing something?

Just one of my brother's favourite phrases, along with, when offered more food, "Thank you. That was a sufficiency. Any more would be a superfluity"

That's just B*****s, everyone knows Europe won most medals.
http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/702716/Olympics-medal-table-EU-parliament-tweets-without-Team-GB-27-Golds

Just one of my brother's favourite phrases, along with, when offered more food, "Thank you. That was a sufficiency. Any more would be a superfluity"

Wow, stew my plum puddings. You are on fire in a Mr Pickwick kind of a way.

Codswallop, those meaningless utterences from jounalists intoxicated with the exuberance of their own verbosity.
Here's a classic. Perhaps they deserve their own thread.
From Rio: ‘In those moments, Farah seemed to embody the best of the London Games. Before the lurch backwards to Brexit and all the fear and xenophobia it carried with it, Farah’s popularity seemed to be the embodiment of a new inclusivity.’ Oliver Holt, Mail on Sunday. (Committed Remoaner, apparently)

Codswallop, those meaningless utterences from jounalists intoxicated with the exuberance of their own verbosity.
Here's a classic. Perhaps they deserve their own thread.
From Rio: ‘In those moments, Farah seemed to embody the best of the London Games. Before the lurch backwards to Brexit and all the fear and xenophobia it carried with it, Farah’s popularity seemed to be the embodiment of a new inclusivity.’ Oliver Holt, Mail on Sunday. (Committed Remoaner, apparently)

I like answering straight away, especially if you can get that tiled wall induced echo ... occassionally page turning noises and the odd strained groan also helps.

You'll have to hurry. The authorities are closing them down as fast as they can, to save money. Sod the educational value, we've vanity projects to complete.

Are we still talking Piers Morgan?

...and hold up a finger....

'I'm so MoneySupermarket' TV adverts
'Go Compare' TV adverts

I sometimes wish I had the nerve to say "Your bum would look big in anything" but I couldn't afford the resultant dentists fees.

I sometimes wish I had the nerve to say "Your bum would look big in anything" but I couldn't afford the resultant dentists fees.