Parsnip

Realising that I've never had a DM off anyone ever. Didn't even know there was a direct mail box

Realising that I've never had a DM off anyone ever. Didn't even know there was a direct mail box

I’ve blocked not just URL’s but accounts this time, will always be a cat and mouse chase. 
If it happens again, after the very first redirect let me know as it’s much easier to catch. 

Nothing coming up now - looks solved @David

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls.
To everyone's amazement, he sticks it inhis mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the   monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it
up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did  just now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to **** that cue ball out, he measures everything first."

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral.
A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
"Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

Damn right. Best way to start your day.

Damn right. Best way to start your day.

Unsupportive children.
So I impulse bought the Russia 2018 Panini album and presented it to my 7 year old boy who explained to me (again) that he doesnt like football. I was expecting that reaction anyway so I excitedly dug into my stickers only to find De Bruyne in the first pack! While I was searching for #522 in the book my 2 year old daughter decided that my best player was her 'new baby' and now Kevin lives in her dolls cot with the freaky twins and one armed Steven. 

Unsupportive children.
So I impulse bought the Russia 2018 Panini album and presented it to my 7 year old boy who explained to me (again) that he doesnt like football. I was expecting that reaction anyway so I excitedly dug into my stickers only to find De Bruyne in the first pack! While I was searching for #522 in the book my 2 year old daughter decided that my best player was her 'new baby' and now Kevin lives in her dolls cot with the freaky twins and one armed Steven. 

Unsupportive children.
So I impulse bought the Russia 2018 Panini album and presented it to my 7 year old boy who explained to me (again) that he doesnt like football. I was expecting that reaction anyway so I excitedly dug into my stickers only to find De Bruyne in the first pack! While I was searching for #522 in the book my 2 year old daughter decided that my best player was her 'new baby' and now Kevin lives in her dolls cot with the freaky twins and one armed Steven. 

Unsupportive children.
So I impulse bought the Russia 2018 Panini album and presented it to my 7 year old boy who explained to me (again) that he doesnt like football. I was expecting that reaction anyway so I excitedly dug into my stickers only to find De Bruyne in the first pack! While I was searching for #522 in the book my 2 year old daughter decided that my best player was her 'new baby' and now Kevin lives in her dolls cot with the freaky twins and one armed Steven. 

Unsupportive children.
So I impulse bought the Russia 2018 Panini album and presented it to my 7 year old boy who explained to me (again) that he doesnt like football. I was expecting that reaction anyway so I excitedly dug into my stickers only to find De Bruyne in the first pack! While I was searching for #522 in the book my 2 year old daughter decided that my best player was her 'new baby' and now Kevin lives in her dolls cot with the freaky twins and one armed Steven. 

When you escape wet and cold England, for a wetter, colder and much windier CDS. 

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Goodfellas pizza and a can of skol then?
Me too.

Goodfellas pizza and a can of skol then?
Me too.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

I'd buy her £100 worth of bog roll and say to her that you're straight now. Afterall she'll buy them anyway.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.

Mother in law. Let's call her Doris.
Frantic call on Sat afternoon...
Doris: "I'm at the auctions and there's a job lot of those baby wipes you use for £100 - I've looked on Amazon and that's  £35 cheaper than retail!"
Me: No thanks Doris, i don't really want to spend £100 on baby wipes or store a cubic tonne of them in my attic.
Doris (offended): "Well that's silly, you'll buy them anyway"
Me: "Yeah but over a period of 2 years!"
Doris: "Fine."
Later that day, Doris arrives, with a boot load of baby wipes, smug as ****.
Me: "WTF Doris I said No!"
Doris: "Well you were being silly and don't worry - you can pay me back over a period of 2 years if you must."
I now have a cubic tonne of baby wipes and £100 less money.
******* Doris.