Tony Le Mesmer

its important that people share these feelings. I myself wake up some days and wonder what it's all worth. I then think about my family and friends, and all those who have no idea what im going through and how my actions could affect them. Its this mainly that prevents me from acting on my feelings knowing that the repurcussions are far greater than the issues that I'm facing. Its vital that you share how you feel, even if it's anonymous, because i truly believe that it helps if you share your problems and to air your frustrations - no matter how trivial you feel they may be. This thread is a solace for me peolpe like me to realise we are not alone and that together, we can be stronger.

Click-bait headlines in cheap on-line newspapers, like "You WON'T BELIEVE what Gladys did with......."
If I'm not going to believe it, there's no point reading it.

yeah it's why if you do have someone on the other line there's normally a delay in them asking "Is that Mr Le Mesmer" as they try to work out who's answered the phone! All done automatically. Not very interesting but if it helps lessen your annoyance, glad to have helped!

Ohhh Tony .. I wish you hadn't done that one ... Gets me big time too .. Everything getting shortened and if you know the abbreviation then you are the "in crowd" or sound cool !
A Ferrari is what it's ..not a flipping "Fezza" ...perleaseeeee ( Razza is permissible amongst ourselves of course )
and "Danielle" dumps "Matt" as a headline ... Who ? And would I really care ? even if you were bright enough to print their surname.
its not abbreviation in itself, or having nicknames it's the mass media thing that seeks to popularise things that don't need making popular. ... Off with their heads I say ! 
 

It says proudly on the bottle of milk I've just bought '6p from this bottle goes to farmers!'.
It cost nearly 60p. So the farmers look after the cows, feed the cows, milk the cows, bottle the milk and sell it and they get 6p per bottle from one that costs 60p?
Am i missing something here?
First thing tomorrow I'm sourcing a local dairy farmer / farm shop and always buy direct in future. Supermarkets p*ss me off. Greed. Unfair greed.

The trend for shortening names in football.
Ibrahimovic is now known as 'Ibra' apparently.
Atletico Madrid are now 'Atleti' apparently.
Get a grip!

Firstly I must say thank you Mostyn for your advice a few months ago I feel a lot better within myself. You get good days and bad days but the bad days are less frequent. Secondly, David that is very brave of you to post that. I'm also an anxiety sufferor. From what I'm aware, you can never truly get rid of it but you can relieve the symptoms. The first step is admitting you suffer from it which you have, which is in the step in the right direction. Anxiety panic attacks are awful and I fully understand. The only thing I could really recommend is to have an exercise regime and eat more healthy. I replaced the unhealthy sugars with the healthy sugars in things like fruit combined with exercise and it has helped to relieve some symptoms. It's a bit off cliche but it really does help because it helps you to become more confident in yourself and makes you less wary about what others will say.

Room for another?
Was diagnosed with IBS today, one of those not really real new conditions they diagnose yet don't really know anything about it other than anxiety/stress is apparently why a lot of people have it.
Doesn't really surprise me, been a rough couple months. Quick back story, suffered from severe anxiety, was pre scribed anti depressants, told the doctor where to stick em, did it myself. Was fine for a couple years until August I go and swallow my partial denture.
Not going to lie, thought I was going to die at the time, couldn't breathe, full on choking. Had vivid dying nightmares, flashbacks the lot for a few weeks. Friends, family kind of laugh it off but honestly, really knocked me sideways.
Spent 2 weeks solid barely getting out of bed, stomach cramps, everything, I was a complete mess. Pulled myself around, got back out there and whilst my stomach was still causing issues it wasn't stopping me getting to games and the pub.
October went to see the doctor, still wasn't out, needed sorting, put a urgent colonoscopy referral in to the hospital that day, didn't get the appointment until the end of January.
Backtracking quickly, start of November ish I was getting pretty down with it, toilet visits all over the place, each time nothing there was another kick in the balls. By December pretty much distanced myself from the missus, mates and that, felt so low just wanted to curl up all day and sleep.
Mid December, asked the missus to pick up some sweets, sucking helps with anxiety, pro tip right there. Asked for sugar free, look after the old teeth and that. Didn't put 2+2 together but the toilet visits had become a bit violent which anxiety attacks followed, by now I was sofa ridden, hot water bottle on the stomach trying to ease the pain. 
Anyone with anxiety will tell you it's the not knowing that does you, with these toilet visits came blood, not every visit but one there was fair bit, with what I had swallowed major panic set in. Was pretty close to calling 999 first time ever
Late on Xmas day which was a complete write off on reaching for another box of these sweets I just out of boredom flipped the box around and saw the warning, too many of this will have a laxative effect. I laughed, almost cried, Googled them and loads of people were writing horror stories online about avoiding these things like the plague. Horror stories after one box, I was having a box or two a day for a week.
Stopped sucking them, straight in the bin.
Was slowly improving until the hospital letter arrived early January, date for my hospital visit, knocked me sideways again. Grimsby hospital is horrendous, getting a English speaking doctor that knows what he's doing is a needle in the haystack.
Whole of January I was nervous but excited, hate hospitals. Missed this out but since August the pain was that bad went to A&E a couple times and shown the door with a pat on the back, come back when you can't walk you're in that much pain and we'll know you've perforated your bowel, until then happy shitting. Cheers doc!
Couple days before the appointment, told myself not to do this but I googled the process, found you have laxatives before which having just experienced the laxative effect was not looking forward to. Also there was a list of what to eat before, clean food basically. My hospital letter mentioned none of this.
Appointment day came round, last Friday it was, by now this was maybe the second time being out the house since November, nervous as my anxiety before kept me in the house for a long time, wasn't sure what to expect.
Made it fine, waiting area was empty even better, just me and the missus there. 45 minutes later after my appointment was due we get called into a room right down the corridor, pretty far from the exit.
Pause my story here, I always like to suss out the nearest exit, the escape route. You know what I'm talking about fellow anxietyers, what makes us so "special".
Was a standard doctors room, no camera up bum equipment to be seen, explained my situation to him and requested we move to a room a little further up the corridor so I felt comfortable. Looked at me gone out, then asked me to leave if I'm here to waste his time.
Tried to explain further but it appeared to have never heard of anxiety before in his life. Told him where it stick his medical certificate and walked out, the nurse collared me before I could leave, pushed me into a side room and asked what had happened.
Fast forward, he moved down to a room closer, I resisted the urge to lamp him one and allowed him to examine me. There was never going to be a colonoscopy that day, just the initial examination, wants to do a MRI scan, now bare in mind my fears of being able to escape I told him there's no chance in getting me in that tube.
Nodded and said he wouldn't anyway until I go back to the doctors and sort my anxiety out. Until he's seen that I have on my records he won't put me through one.
Frustrating day pretty much, got home, had the big talk to the missus how if I have to go on tablets it won't feel like I've beat it, I was beating it, all because of this denture I'm 5 steps back. Took its toll on her these past few months, seen it destroy one relationship, didn't want it to destroy another so agreed to take anything the doctor prescribes.
Doctors appointment was today, best doctor I've ever seen, must have had 30/40 minutes with him, even understood my anxiety, let us go outside for fresh air when I felt a little trapped. Whole life story downloaded on to him, first anxiety attack the lot. 
Always had a fear of tablets made worse by swallowing the denture whilst having a multi vitamin, stopped me there and said I'm not prescribing you any tablets, instead referring me for CBT. 
Now I'm a bit of a dick when it comes to these things, my first bout of severe anxiety I read a lot, like 15 books on it. I know a lot. The first time they tried to put me through this I was educating the "therapist", I had 2 or 3 appointments and stopped as I felt like I should be charging her tuition fees.
Fresh out of Uni with her flashy degree having never experienced any anxiety or even panic attack in her life.
Problem I have is thinking clear, understanding this is nothing but anxiety. Putting into action what I know, not cures but methods that help you relax. I'm **** at it. Was kind of hoping for the magic pill but I know there isn't one that will fix it.
What the doctor did was kick a load of confidence back in me, could have been flirting but he could see I knew what was what, could see how much it means if you can beat this without medication. 
Bowel problems, all classic symptoms of IBS, no tests needed as the starting point came after swallowing the denture. Could prescribe something for the stomach spasms but until you sort the anxiety they will keep coming back. No magic cure for IBS it's treat the anxiety and stress. Peppermint oil apparently will help.
Walked out the doctors, felt good. Managed to stay out, haircut, shopping, round a mates. Normal day. Unthinkable just a few weeks ago where the only distance I moved was sofa to toilet. Was fearful the anxiety took hold, made me fearful of being out but nothing at all, was back to pre August David.
Task now which is hard whilst working from home but to keep getting out, even in pain getting out there if only to the corner shop. Feel like I've had a lucky escape, if it wasn't for the initial hospital appointment I may be still on the sofa having not moved.
Bowels still not great, constipated one day followed by a full empty the next, feeling bloated constantly and farting like a trooper, don't imagine that will change overnight, been rough for 6 months now. 
CBT appointment next week, don't want to do it, don't feel like it will help at all but I'm off, will stay open minded and be grateful the doctor didn't try and turn me into a zombie.
Skipping the MRI, probably not wise, that not knowing might keep eating away. Just feel like it's time to really try and forget it, stop worrying, worse happens call 999, they'll have it out that day and released the next.
Funny thing is it may already be out. 
Oh, it's not all bad, lost 2 stone in weight during all this, was becoming a bit of a fat **** so the timing was perfect, dodgy bowel made me cut the alcohol, slightly smaller portions, the extra bag of crisps cut out, looking a lot better. 12lb off target weight now. 
Anxiety is seriously no fun, don't think of us as weirdos, nutcases, we just like to worry and plan ahead. Daily tasks come laced with a what if, we cover all bases and make sure nothing can go wrong. Other than that we're normal folk, just trying to get by in our own little unique way

As we are a similar age this really resonated with me, the me of about 4 years ago. Some of the advice and understanding on here is remarkable.
The key thing I take is that knowledge and understanding that your feelings, your wellbeing is incredibly important. You have the right to feel the way you do. Your opinion, your view is as valid as anyone else's.
In some ways I love the routine, prevents me getting anxious about the what ifs but then I get easily bored if my mind isn't challenged. After first reading your post it made me think about my job and know that I pretty much sleepwalk through it, ticking down the hours. But eventually i will find that happy balance where work challenges but not enough to charge up the anxiety.
I also find i have stopped being so self critical about my day to day choices, that feel of failure has lessened. You can make your life whatever you want to be(within reason) but i feel society, people, the media, all expect us to be that same idealised character. We aren't all the same and who wants to be anyway.
Enjoy your quiet time, enjoy the time to be you how you want to be.

There's some big hearts and good souls hidden in these pages mate.
Keep us posted on how you're going.

I am so astounded by the time taken by complete strangers to read my post, and write such eloquent, helpful replies. 
I would just like to say thanks for the brilliant responses. Genuine thanks.
I'm sure some of these responses will be of huge help, not just to myself, but those lurking or who already post. 
I don't know what else to say. I'm stunned. Thank you.

@Norman not sure if you realise it, but your post has probably given everyone involved in this thread, and maybe some lurkers who have yet to post, a bit of a boost.
Not because of your sadness or situation, but because it's had a positive effect. You may not notice straight away, but just posting it, and seeing it written down will improve your thinking. Awareness is a big part of some sort of recovery/coping process.
More positive than that is that people feeling similar will have related, and read the very excellent responses you have, especially the amazing post written by @ilkleyram. 
If this thread has taught us anything, it's that nobody, whilst feeling alone, is alone in feeling overwhelming levels of sadness and other bad or negative feelings.
I triggered this thread, and I feel very proud that I opened something up that people felt comfortable enough to bare their souls in, and I know a lot of people have helped each other. It's probably my 2nd best achievement, (the best being the time I farted in the gym showers and a soap bubble floated from my arse towards a passing steroid freak  ).
Above all, NEVER feel ashamed, embarrassed or apologetic about your feelings, as has been said, YOU are important to you, and you probably don't realise how important you are to others. Never feel that coping is beyond you either.
Good luck from fellow strugglers of all levels x

Well done for sharing mate.That took some guts.
If you tackle life with that fight you will be ok.
Do more of the things that make you smile and tell the people you love that you love them everyday.
Sometimes you need to take a step back and look at everything,by posting on here thats what you've done.
All the best brother?

Norman.
That must have taken some courage.
I read with great interest and most of the things you said resonate with me. It may help you to know that I am not depressed. I just have a really over analytical bluntness about everything in life that most people cannot understand.
Exactly like you said. I think differently to mainstream people and i get intense sadness and desolate feelings despite having a partner and kid. I am not on the same wavelength as most people i meet despite me being friendly and sociable and this could be the answer for you. Obviously I'm not a doctor or anything and I urge you to go to your GP if you feel that your issues are causing distress.
We are not all the same. It's ok to feel and think differently.
Best of luck.

Norman.
That must have taken some courage.
I read with great interest and most of the things you said resonate with me. It may help you to know that I am not depressed. I just have a really over analytical bluntness about everything in life that most people cannot understand.
Exactly like you said. I think differently to mainstream people and i get intense sadness and desolate feelings despite having a partner and kid. I am not on the same wavelength as most people i meet despite me being friendly and sociable and this could be the answer for you. Obviously I'm not a doctor or anything and I urge you to go to your GP if you feel that your issues are causing distress.
We are not all the same. It's ok to feel and think differently.
Best of luck.

Ok, here we go. 
I've typed this out a few times, then subsequently deleted it. 
I'm 29. From the outside I'm a strong, independent, fit, happy person. 
I'm not. 
I have everything. A brilliant, and I me a brilliant missus. A supportive family, a brilliant Dad, and a decent job. I go to the gym, I have friends etc.
However, when I wake up, I don't want to get up. I don't want to brush my teeth, again. I dont want to drive to work. I sit in my car and think about the awful 8 hours I have to endure. Its only Tuesday, how am I ever going to get through to Friday?  The same thing over and over again. The repetitve, pointless nature of life saps all energy from me. 
It's the pointlessness of life that gets to me the most. Everything seems so tedious, so painfully boring. 
I've been doing the gym for the last 5 years, and got jacked. But the pointless, repetitive lifting is not what I enjoy. I enjoy going to my garage, on my own, and being with myself in silence for 2 hours. No music, No noise. Just my thoughts. And It is then I find solace in my head. The questions of life disappear, the annoyance of other's actions and decisions become insignificant. But it will all be back in the morning.
I over-analyse, I over-think, and I struggle with day-to-day life. And only you lot know.  Which makes me wonder if this is a plea for help, or me deciding that this is the way I think, and I need to change it from now on. 
I'm not suicidal, but I know I feel deep, intense feelings of sadness. But they've gone by dinner time, because life isnt as bad as my head makes it out to be in the morning, at times.
Now to decide to hit the post button or not?

Glad you hit the button Norman, and l hope you feel better for doing so. Not sure l can give any great words of wisdom here but I am comforted by the details of your fifth paragraph. A chat or two with a good Counsellor l am sure will help with tackling the sadness and anxieties that you are experiencing. Best wishes.

Hi Norman
I'm just over twice your age but just like you I am hesitating about whether to press the send button or not because I am in no way qualified to express an opinion about you or what you describe - I don't know you or your circumstances or the people around you. I do know however how courageous you and Loughborough and Tony and everyone else is on this thread who are sharing their innermost feelings to a bunch of strangers on a forum. I come from a generation and a family who largely don't do that. So thank you for pressing send. Your way is much better than my way.
 The bad news is that one of the things that I have learnt over the years is that life is repetitive and routine. Each of us take the same journeys, do the same jobs, follow the same football team, go to the same way to matches, eat the same food, go to the same pub, drink the same beer, shop in the same shops, listen to the same music, watch the same films, develop particular interests, do similar things day in day out. Every day, every week, every month and at certain times, every year. Life is routine whether you are the most glamorous person you can think of, or whether you're me. That's life.
But
Life is not pointless. You have a brilliant missus and a great dad. They probably think the same about you. That's not pointless, that's important. You have a decent job. That's not pointless. Whatever it is that you do you will be interacting with others - colleagues, customers, suppliers - people you affect through whatever it is you do. People who will be grateful for what you do and how you do it. That's not pointless, that's important. You have friends. They're friends because they care about you. That's not pointless, that's something to be valued and nurtured. It's important.
And, it seems to me that you have some of the answers that you might be looking for. What's wrong with being in your garage for two hours in silence? I walk on Ilkley Moor every day with my dogs. I talk to them but mainly I talk to myself. I don't want anyone else with me. I want to be on my own. What's wrong with that? It does me good. Be kind to yourself and do what makes you feel good, never mind what you think anyone else might think. It has taken me many years to realise that I'm important to me.
But you also say that you struggle with day to day life and that you feel intense feelings of sadness and we are the only ones who know, and you hit the send button. I'm not qualified to help you, but you know what, if one of my friends said those things to me I would say find some help, someone who is qualified to assist - a GP, a counsellor, a friend. Not because what you are feeling and doing is pointless or wrong, but because you are important.
Good luck.

May have responded to this here thread before but fact is, have suffered depression for over a decade now and at one time was even enduring suicidal tendencies.   It's an awkward subject to address and sometimes reason can be lost in words but it's something just about everyone will experience in the space of a lifetime.    There's this famous quote "How we deal with death is just as important as how we deal with life" and essentially you can't dispute.
Best advice, keep active, remain busy (and) interact with people, and focus on a worthwhile objective.   It's all too easy to go under and give up - but then again, you realize with enough time, that it's as simple to venture on and count your blessings.

It has taken me many years to realise that I'm important to me.
As posted above, by @ilkleyram 
Whatever you take from the responses  here, make sure that one gets into your head. @Norman

Norman.
That must have taken some courage.
I read with great interest and most of the things you said resonate with me. It may help you to know that I am not depressed. I just have a really over analytical bluntness about everything in life that most people cannot understand.
Exactly like you said. I think differently to mainstream people and i get intense sadness and desolate feelings despite having a partner and kid. I am not on the same wavelength as most people i meet despite me being friendly and sociable and this could be the answer for you. Obviously I'm not a doctor or anything and I urge you to go to your GP if you feel that your issues are causing distress.
We are not all the same. It's ok to feel and think differently.
Best of luck.

Had a **** day today, so I officially hate every one and everything.. People should just back the fook off OKAY.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
That should cover everything... #threadkiller

I was having a pop at those that don't have their surnames on the backs of their shirts rather than bigging up Kuntz, I mean, what's that "Kun" Aguero all about ? It's not his name, it's a nickname apparently, well it's not on and time it was stopped. 

Haha. My very first game at home to Brighton this season I got the phone out at half time to check scores (briefly - I'm not obsessed with the thing ) and couldn't get any sort of connection.
Never even bothered trying since. Now I just stand up and do 15 minutes of mindfulness taking in the magnificent views of Pride Park. What a superb ground it really is.