AmericanRam

I just got back from a friends funeral who sadly drowned a few days ago.
 
I took a lot of abuse for my floral tribute that was in the shape of a life jacket.
 
But as I said to everyone at the service, It’s what he would've wanted.

I just got back from a friends funeral who sadly drowned a few days ago.
 
I took a lot of abuse for my floral tribute that was in the shape of a life jacket.
 
But as I said to everyone at the service, It’s what he would've wanted.

I just got back from a friends funeral who sadly drowned a few days ago.
 
I took a lot of abuse for my floral tribute that was in the shape of a life jacket.
 
But as I said to everyone at the service, It’s what he would've wanted.

I just got back from a friends funeral who sadly drowned a few days ago.
 
I took a lot of abuse for my floral tribute that was in the shape of a life jacket.
 
But as I said to everyone at the service, It’s what he would've wanted.

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.
 
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it - This is one ferocious lion! He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
 
The girl says, "I'll go first."
 
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
 
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
 
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.
 
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
 
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."

Let’s not make any cheese jokes due to the explosion at the cheese factory in France
Debris was everywhere

A couple driving home run over a badger. They stop to see if it is ok. The badger was breathing but very cold.
The man said to his wife put it between your legs to warm it up.
The wife said but it's wet and it stinks.
The man said well hold its nose.

The man that invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.

Errol Spence battered Lamont Peterson from the first minute. 
Not a great "fight". Spence was great though. Still the most competitive division

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.

Tiger Prawn Jalfrezi with some peas for the 5 a day. Naan and lime pickle on the side.

My religion doesn't allow me to add fried bread, toast or beans... but this daily dose of grease helps me get through these miserable January mornings.

A quick and easy Italian...
 
 
 
... unfortunately not that kind.
 
Broccoli, cherry tomato and cream cheese, smidge of chilli, bit of garlic, couple of spring onions, generous amounts of black pepper. Simple and beaut.

Stewed beef and a baked potato.

Sneezing and farting simultaneously
You don't know whether to check your hand first or your pants

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.

Bought ticket this morning, happening on February 3rd. Can't wait.
http://qcbrewfest.com

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.

Bought ticket this morning, happening on February 3rd. Can't wait.
http://qcbrewfest.com

A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
Schwepped her off her feet.

Just about to indulge in a Jaipur X .......(10 %)......very very tasty

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'. 

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. 

She replies 'Well, my name was Bob, and I played for Wigan !'. 

I love how happy this dog is. 
 

I love how happy this dog is.