Ewe Ram

Answering your phone to be greeted with a recorded message.

First Christmas with my partners family, her mum cooked this beautiful dinner. Had all the trimmings, nicely cooked Turkey. It looked heavenly. Then outcame the gravy..... a runny, watery puddle of misery in a bowl. Wanted to cry. 
Cant believe people like thin gravy. They make a beautiful dinner then decide to drench it with brown water. Grim.

People who pronounce the word paracetamol "para-set-amol".
 
 

Vouchers, club cards, loyalty points, special credit cards .. all that guff that you get persuaded is great but it is a huge waste of my time.
please .. offer me a client ID card, fair enough. At the end of the year promise me something based on what I spend. Nothing else is needed, it just crowds my brain space and doesn’t incentivise me. If you want to get rid of some stock then lower the price. Everything else is BS 

Am I the only person in the country who owns a pair of jeans which aren't ripped? 
 

Most 70 year old drivers are better than most 20 year olds - that's why they've got to 70.

Tell her to hang on whilst you go and fetch some anti-bac spray, as you haven't had chance to wipe it down properly since you last had sex on there!
 
 
 

That Elf on the Shelf nonsense. Who the hell has the time to do that kind of crap?
 

Leave your desk in a messy/dirty state and she'll stop using your desk.

People being total twits at work Christmas Parties.

Some of our friends do this & post the elaborate set-ups daily on FB etc.
I just have a problem with the whole concept. Miss Wolfie is a good kid, so why would I want to impose an evil looking elf on her, whose puropose is to spy on her the whole time & report back to Santa if she steps out of line?!.

That Elf on the Shelf nonsense. Who the hell has the time to do that kind of crap?
 

Bill Haley..easy and I'm not old! I had a mate do that..kept cheating and halfway through he said 'what do we win?' Unsurprisingly he couldn't grasp the concept that there was no prize, just the pleasure and honour - which is why we couldnt grasp him cheating. Suffice to say he never returned. 
I would like to add I hate the word 'super'... Its everywhere now.  As in 'super excited', 'super intense', 'super confident'... 

I love playing beat the checkout operator. I even spread the stuff along the belt to give myself a better chance. Am I a bad person?

People who shop at Aldi and insist on packing their shopping into bags as it comes through the check out. Do they do it just to be arsey? Everyone knows you whizz it through and then use the shelves to pack. 

Bin men who choose to block my drive with the empty bin

Echo the sentiments here. Too many parents dont understand the priviledge and responsibility of having children though. As someone who will never have them myself, I find it absolutely appalling. Society is broken and its not donald trump, jeremy corbyn or anyone elses fault. We need to take responsibility for our actions and raise kids with principles, values and morals

I always see a few pushing kids around while yakking into phones. I always wonder, what are they talking about? If they are anything like the women at work, it's Love Island!

The best (true) story I heard was from my Dad growing up in the early '60s. He was messing around with his mates and threw a conker or a stone or something at an ice cream van window. The owner got out, grabbed him by his shirt collar and took him round to his house where my Grandmother was at home! Rather than shout at him for touching precious Tommy and do a post on Facebook as many would do now, she took him inside out of sheer embarrassment, apologised profusely and he had to stay in for 2 weeks. Grandad paid for the damage. 
I'm only 28 myself but having been brought up by fairly strict (but never violent) parents born in the early 1950s, I suppose I had a different upbringing.
Agree totally on the phone issue too. See it all time -- Mum pushing the pram with one hand on the handle, the other on the phone ignoring the inquisitive questions of their children. So glad I grew up (just) before phones were everywhere like they are now. 
 

Indeed. I live over the road from a playing field. All the time I see dads kicking a football about with the kids but scrolling on the phone, so taking no notice of the children. Mums pushing toddlers on swings whilst browsing on the phone and the toddlers shouting ‘mummy, look at me, watch me’ and the mothers on the phones ignoring them. Very sad, no wonder they are growing up doing exactly what they want. 

Adverts made in a foreign language and then badly dubbed English voice-over added.
Lazy at best and IMO insulting. If a company can't be arsed to make an english advert, for a market as big as ours is, then they don't deserve my cash.

The modern world, always an excuse for something. Responsibility going, if not gone.
Anyway...

People who hold their knives like they are holding a pen.
See also people who are incapable of eating spaghetti or tagliatelle correctly.

Anyone who uses any of these phrases should have their pubic hair singed with a flame thrower
”living my best life”
”bucket list”
”I love you to the moon and back”
 
 

Hard work this Chelsea job