King Kevin

A couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
  
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
  
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
  
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and says goodbye.
  
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' 
  
The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from Bupa. 

A couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
  
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
  
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
  
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and says goodbye.
  
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' 
  
The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from Bupa. 

A couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?
  
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
  
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
  
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them £50, and says goodbye.
  
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' 
  
The old man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. Travelodge charge £93. The Hilton charges £139. We do it here for £50, and I get £43 back from Bupa. 

Little boy goes up to his dad and asks him what the difference is between theoretically and realistically .The dad says go and ask your mum and sister if they would sleep with someone for a million pounds .
Little lad trots off and asks his mum and sister the question. He goes back "Dad they both said yes they would" .
"There you go then son theoretically we are millionaires  realistically we are living with a couple of tarts". 

The missus sent me up into the loft to get the decorations down ,while I was up there I found one of last years presents I forgot to give the kids. Shame I'm sure they would have liked that puppy.

The missus sent me up into the loft to get the decorations down ,while I was up there I found one of last years presents I forgot to give the kids. Shame I'm sure they would have liked that puppy.

Little boy goes up to his dad and asks him what the difference is between theoretically and realistically .The dad says go and ask your mum and sister if they would sleep with someone for a million pounds .
Little lad trots off and asks his mum and sister the question. He goes back "Dad they both said yes they would" .
"There you go then son theoretically we are millionaires  realistically we are living with a couple of tarts". 

Little boy goes up to his dad and asks him what the difference is between theoretically and realistically .The dad says go and ask your mum and sister if they would sleep with someone for a million pounds .
Little lad trots off and asks his mum and sister the question. He goes back "Dad they both said yes they would" .
"There you go then son theoretically we are millionaires  realistically we are living with a couple of tarts". 

Little boy goes up to his dad and asks him what the difference is between theoretically and realistically .The dad says go and ask your mum and sister if they would sleep with someone for a million pounds .
Little lad trots off and asks his mum and sister the question. He goes back "Dad they both said yes they would" .
"There you go then son theoretically we are millionaires  realistically we are living with a couple of tarts". 

Love it. Bobby Charlton looks well peeved but Dave is just giving it the big 'git tae fuc yer doss mancs. We're the main team now ken'.

RANTING!!!????
CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER. AN ELDERLY BLOKE. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS GENTLEMAN SAUSAGE. HE IS OFFERING AN iPHONE 7+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN iPHONE 5S AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT CAUSE ITS SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON!

Maybe they are full of writs?

Is it authentic or did the Americans save us ?

Not a yank to be seen.

Is it authentic or did the Americans save us ?

Steve Wright on Radio 2 constantly referring to 'serious jockin'. Shut the f*** up! You're only playing tunes for a livin!

When I had, ahem calmed down a bit I started to take a friends 12 year old lad on the popside ,we were playing Chelsea and the away fans were banned after throwing the seats on to the pitch the previous season .
They did get in and a scrap started on the popside so I took the lad down the front and put him on the running track .I look back up the terracing to see a line of coppers with a sergeant on the end just watching it go on.
I walked back up the terracing through the punch up and spoke to the sergeant "are you going to sort this out I've got a young lad with me and these buggers aren't even supposed to be here"
The copper looked at me took his helmet off and handed it to me " here son you want it sorting out borrow my helmet "
Pride Park just not the same.

To the poster who was questioning the Ultra Cultra back in the 70's ... 
 
 
Well my dad took me to the DCFC game v Sheff United in the season when we were CHAMPIONS of England .. 
 
We stood at the front in the "away" end .. Looong before the kick off .. 
 
I'm gazing around at the ground when all these Sheff united fans , maybe 100 or so , ran on to the pitch towards our end charging us .. 
 
No coppers around. Surreal. lol 
 
 
I will never forget the Derby fans from our end charging back at them and taking the corner flags (yes this really happened !) and throwing them back at the United fans ... 
 
Who then slunked back into the opposite end.. 
 
This is etched in my memory ... it's not glorification ... just how it was. OK ? 
 
 

When I had, ahem calmed down a bit I started to take a friends 12 year old lad on the popside ,we were playing Chelsea and the away fans were banned after throwing the seats on to the pitch the previous season .
They did get in and a scrap started on the popside so I took the lad down the front and put him on the running track .I look back up the terracing to see a line of coppers with a sergeant on the end just watching it go on.
I walked back up the terracing through the punch up and spoke to the sergeant "are you going to sort this out I've got a young lad with me and these buggers aren't even supposed to be here"
The copper looked at me took his helmet off and handed it to me " here son you want it sorting out borrow my helmet "
Pride Park just not the same.

When I had, ahem calmed down a bit I started to take a friends 12 year old lad on the popside ,we were playing Chelsea and the away fans were banned after throwing the seats on to the pitch the previous season .
They did get in and a scrap started on the popside so I took the lad down the front and put him on the running track .I look back up the terracing to see a line of coppers with a sergeant on the end just watching it go on.
I walked back up the terracing through the punch up and spoke to the sergeant "are you going to sort this out I've got a young lad with me and these buggers aren't even supposed to be here"
The copper looked at me took his helmet off and handed it to me " here son you want it sorting out borrow my helmet "
Pride Park just not the same.

When I had, ahem calmed down a bit I started to take a friends 12 year old lad on the popside ,we were playing Chelsea and the away fans were banned after throwing the seats on to the pitch the previous season .
They did get in and a scrap started on the popside so I took the lad down the front and put him on the running track .I look back up the terracing to see a line of coppers with a sergeant on the end just watching it go on.
I walked back up the terracing through the punch up and spoke to the sergeant "are you going to sort this out I've got a young lad with me and these buggers aren't even supposed to be here"
The copper looked at me took his helmet off and handed it to me " here son you want it sorting out borrow my helmet "
Pride Park just not the same.

When I had, ahem calmed down a bit I started to take a friends 12 year old lad on the popside ,we were playing Chelsea and the away fans were banned after throwing the seats on to the pitch the previous season .
They did get in and a scrap started on the popside so I took the lad down the front and put him on the running track .I look back up the terracing to see a line of coppers with a sergeant on the end just watching it go on.
I walked back up the terracing through the punch up and spoke to the sergeant "are you going to sort this out I've got a young lad with me and these buggers aren't even supposed to be here"
The copper looked at me took his helmet off and handed it to me " here son you want it sorting out borrow my helmet "
Pride Park just not the same.

You can almost feel the hairs on the back of your neck start to tingle !!!

Say no more my friend.. Mums the word, I won't tell a sole. Honest.
My memories of doing a similar thing with a radio and Luxembourg was The Monster Mash.. Jeeez did I just own up to that?
Half this forum ain't got a Scooby what we are on about.