Bullying

[AmericanRam]

Just wanted to get other's perspective on bullying in regards to how to lessen it and other similar things.

I myself never bullied or was bullied while in school but saw plenty of it then and even now as an adult see it as well.I always stepped in and diffused the best I can.

I detest bullying in all forms, just because someone may look different, have less money or what have you, does not mean they are any less of a person.

Thoughts on lessening bullying occuring? What can parents do? Etc.

 

[TimRam]

My mum told me a story about one girl who was always making her life a misery at school. Verbal and sometimes physical abuse in front of others. Mum kept quiet about it until she and the bully happened to be alone. Mum grabbed and got her on the deck and shouted at her to leave her be otherwise she would be for it. No more bullying. Most bullies are weak, cowards at heart.

[Pearl Ram]

18 minutes ago, TimRam said:

My mum told me a story about one girl who was always making her life a misery at school. Verbal and sometimes physical abuse in front of others. Mum kept quiet about it until she and the bully happened to be alone. Mum grabbed and got her on the deck and shouted at her to leave her be otherwise she would be for it. No more bullying. Most bullies are weak, cowards at heart.

...with low self esteem (that they are too weak to admit to anybody) and making other people’s lives a misery compensates for the miserable existence they live. *******.

[Van der MoodHoover]

Happens in many forms and throughout life.

Just started in a new company. One of the management team asked me to support some staff changes they were making. 

One issue he was working to correct was the weekly "team meeting " that he had inherited from his predecessor. The premise for the meeting was to "find out what we're all doing".

Turned out it was a vehicle for 2 strong characters to belittle a quieter team members contribution. And generally take a ghoulish interest each time he admitted he was running behind.

All sorted now 

[True Ram]

I used to be picked on all the time when I was at school it went on for about 4 year's until one day in the dinner que I had a tray in my hand and I am (not) sorry to say it ended up in a couple of Faces

[True Ram]

Forget to share this

My son got bullied at school so I went the right way about it talk to the school there reply was there is no bullying at this school this went on for about 6 months so in the end I sat my son down and told him to follow the bully and when he got him on is own just give him a couple of slap's he was never bullied again 

The wrong way to get things done but the school would not listen

[WhiteHorseRam]

34 minutes ago, True Ram said:

I used to be picked on all the time when I was at school it went on for about 4 year's until one day in the dinner que I had a tray in my hand and I am (not) sorry to say it ended up in a couple of Faces

I liked your post .... maybe i shouldn't have as I shouldn't condone violence, but ....

Bullies have to be confronted. The kind of playground/work meeting bully relies entirely on 'front', the worst thing that can happen is that he is called out and loses in some way - he loses his invincibility and is a lot more vulnerable. 

 

[WhiteHorseRam]

5 hours ago, HantsRam said:

Happens in many forms and throughout life.

Just started in a new company. One of the management team asked me to support some staff changes they were making. 

One issue he was working to correct was the weekly "team meeting " that he had inherited from his predecessor. The premise for the meeting was to "find out what we're all doing".

Turned out it was a vehicle for 2 strong characters to belittle a quieter team members contribution. And generally take a ghoulish interest each time he admitted he was running behind.

All sorted now 

Good on ya.

I'd have had them cleaning the bogs with tooth brushes for a month, or at least until their suit trousers wore through.

[Van der MoodHoover]

1 hour ago, WhiteHorseRam said:

Good on ya.

I'd have had them cleaning the bogs with tooth brushes for a month, or at least until their suit trousers wore through.

Lol.

The solution was to bring forward a planned headcount reduction and 3 became 1. May be a bit of a cop out but certainly provides a "final" solution 

[Angry Ram]

Devils advocate here... What is bullying?

In some cases is it an easy label to attach to something? Let’s set aside one end of the spectrum which is obvious, more interested in the lesser end. 

Hants post earlier is interesting and obviously it looks like was dealt with properly. As a species we have stronger and weaker members.. The stronger dominate, is that bullying?

[Day]

22 minutes ago, Angry Ram said:

Devils advocate here... What is bullying?

In some cases is it an easy label to attach to something? Let’s set aside one end of the spectrum which is obvious, more interested in the lesser end. 

Hants post earlier is interesting and obviously it looks like was dealt with properly. As a species we have stronger and weaker members.. The stronger dominate, is that bullying?

When the stronger members of the species use their dominance to take the last pukka pie it’s bullying

 

[Sith Happens]

30 minutes ago, Angry Ram said:

Devils advocate here... What is bullying?

In some cases is it an easy label to attach to something? Let’s set aside one end of the spectrum which is obvious, more interested in the lesser end. 

Hants post earlier is interesting and obviously it looks like was dealt with properly. As a species we have stronger and weaker members.. The stronger dominate, is that bullying?

I think it depends, we do have stronger and weaker members yes, but what would an example be of dominance in your opinion rather than bullying?

For me bullying is when someone, for whatever reason, is targeted by a group or an individual. This can be because they are considered weaker, or do not 'confirm' to what is classed as normal.

For me in a school situation someone dominating would be someone who is good at sports, or good in class etc. If someone uses their 'dominant' position to threaten, verbally abuse, intimidate another, usually on a regular basis then its bullying, bullying is probably more often verbal than physical.

I actually don't think the 'bully' is always the dominant person however, they often have their own insecurities and by choosing to bully someone they publicly make that person look weaker and give off the impression of being dominant.

 

[Angry Ram]

3 hours ago, Paul71 said:

I think it depends, we do have stronger and weaker members yes, but what would an example be of dominance in your opinion rather than bullying?

For me bullying is when someone, for whatever reason, is targeted by a group or an individual. This can be because they are considered weaker, or do not 'confirm' to what is classed as normal.

For me in a school situation someone dominating would be someone who is good at sports, or good in class etc. If someone uses their 'dominant' position to threaten, verbally abuse, intimidate another, usually on a regular basis then its bullying, bullying is probably more often verbal than physical.

I actually don't think the 'bully' is always the dominant person however, they often have their own insecurities and by choosing to bully someone they publicly make that person look weaker and give off the impression of being dominant.

 

‘Targeted’ is a good word..

Extroverts and introverts.. Dominance of opinion.. Could that have been the case in @HantsRampost? I have seen this in meetings and in some cases it could be construed that the extrovert has got his way by some sort of intimidation.. They don’t mean to and it’s not targeted but is it still bullying.. It takes good leadership to ensure that the introvert also gets his voice in certain situations.. Is bully the next racist tag? 

[Coneheadjohn]

I’m not sure of the exact definition but in my eyes they’re just horrible *****,

I hate bullies or people that are just mean or nasty.

I can’t define it exactly but any decent human being knows the standards that are acceptable.

Had to deal with and intervene in a lot of bullying over the years,makes me angry thinking about it.

[Van der MoodHoover]

30 minutes ago, Angry Ram said:

‘Targeted’ is a good word..

Extroverts and introverts.. Dominance of opinion.. Could that have been the case in @HantsRampost? I have seen this in meetings and in some cases it could be construed that the extrovert has got his way by some sort of intimidation.. They don’t mean to and it’s not targeted but is it still bullying.. It takes good leadership to ensure that the introvert also gets his voice in certain situations.. Is bully the next racist tag? 

It's a good challenge. 

There is often a line and it's not hard and fast where exactly it is. In my instance it was almost explicit criticism "this might reflect badly on the team" kind of stuff.  A less attuned manager might have thought that was good "team" behaviour. 

Wasn't until they realised that the rest weren't offering any help or solution suggestions - they were imposing some sort of groupthink on the other member and then looking to judge him and highlight their perceived shortcomings.

Quite subtle really.....

[Parsnip]

 

[archied]

For me it comes down to taking pleasure or self esteem from causing hurt and pain to somebody else whether that be physical or verbal ,,, repetition is a key too , do you repeat this over and over with the same person or repeat it with persons you think you can do it to ,

my son went through some stuff at school ,I did things right and reported it ,,, no use whatsoever ,he was so unhappy that I took him to work with me ,,,,, school threatened me with all sorts ,,,,he’s now a strapping lad ,lots of confidence and self esteem and a lovely lad too ,,,

also people romanticise this issue ,,, there are some bully s that you just are not going to be able to grab and beat up in a fist fight as long as you’ve got a hole in your arse 

[Sexydadbod]

I hate bullying in all forms. Usually it stems from the bullies having their own insecurities. I was always taught that if someone bullies you or physically attacks you, then you hit them back harder, that’s the only way they will stop. Shame if you did that nowadays though you aren’t allowed to follow that principle as much, especially in schools. I’ve seen stories of children self harming and even committing suicide due  to teachers at schools not listening to their complaints of bullying. 

[King Kevin]

52 minutes ago, McLovin said:

I hate bullying in all forms. Usually it stems from the bullies having their own insecurities. I was always taught that if someone bullies you or physically attacks you, then you hit them back harder, that’s the only way they will stop. Shame if you did that nowadays though you aren’t allowed to follow that principle as much, especially in schools. I’ve seen stories of children self harming and even committing suicide due  to teachers at schools not listening to their complaints of bullying. 

I don't know I applied this principle to my kids and now my grandchildren .You are always nice to people and never start a fight but make sure you finish it .If one of my kids /grandkids had to retaliate I always tell tell them they would have my support whatever. 

[Van der MoodHoover]

My lad was picked on at primary school aged 8 or 9. Stood up to a group who were in the year above having a go at his friend and got pushed to the ground and punched/kicked. He is physically small so stood no chance,

i was called to the school. A year teacher had tried and completely failed to identify who it was. My boy didn’t know or didn’t want to identify the guilty. The teacher tbf had lined the class up to express the schools views on the behaviour but nobody came forward to help him.

my little lad had grazes and bruises. Obviously the kids were not that old so the damage they did was limited.

nevertheless I quietly cried for about an hour. He was alone and so brave. And wanted/got no reward for his efforts. I will remember that day forever.