Alcoholic refusing help & rehab

[PrivateDerby]

Was hoping there was somebody on here that knows about this or has any kind of experience. Probably not the best place to discuss it but over the last year or two i've learnt that there are all sorts on this forum, surprising really.

 

Anyway, I feel like not just banging but smashing my head against a brick wall. Constant phone calls from a family member wanting to talk at all times of the day and night, at home and at work... Sadly, and I hope I don't live to regret this but I honestly have not got the time that is needed to 'sort him out' only come on here for a quick release.

 

Basically, he's admitting that he's an alcoholic... he's a complete addict and has been for six years at least. He's now forcing vodka down first thing in the morning, despite sicking it back up and is drinking heavily every night. 

 

Unbelievably, he manages to hold on to a top construction job as a site manager. 

 

Things must be desperate now, i've always been close to him and to hear some of the things he's talking about and suggesting he'll do is heartbreaking. 

 

He needs 'to go in' but says that he wont and that he can do it on his own... which he fooking can't and wont. 

 

There are about five or six issues in his life but none that cant be sorted or moved on from so he needs help with them aswell. 

 

Anyone got any ideas? Because I haven't... How do I convince or persuade him to go to a rehabilitation place? He needs total abstinence or summat.

 

Please PM me if needs be.

 

Thanks very much. 

 

 

P.S - this 'family member' is real   

[pej1956]

My limited experience of this is that HE needs to 'want' to stop this spiral otherwise it's going to be so difficult to do what you're suggesting. Also getting him to admit that he has a problem is also a key and important step. I guess it's easy to recommend the specialist agencies as a resolution AA etc...., but as I've mentioned he needs to take a personal step if this is to work. Compulsory intervention is out of the question unless his behaviour starts to become such an issue that sectioning becomes an option. One thing that may be a softer but effective first step is that when he calls at all times of the day and night, it might be worth asking him to call the Samaritans. It is a safe and confidential place to talk and is available 24/7. The number is 01332 364444 for the Derby branch and the national line is 08457 90 90 90. This option works for so many people in distress or despair. I'm sorry this doesn't offer an easy answer, but your family member is very fortunate having someone like you caring so much.

[PrivateDerby]

Thanks a lot mate.

 

The good thing is that he admits everything, says he definitely wants to stop but thinks he can do it on his own?! Which I think is laughable... it's serious. 

 

Good idea with the Samaritans, i reckon he would ring them. 

 

Spoke to a re-hab in Burton and they said they'll only take him if he walks in himself. Then he'd need assessing (which they say he'd definitely fail) then he'd be in. 

 

That's the only thing I can think of... In the meantime, chatting and gentle persuasion from me and The Samaritans over the next couple of weeks might do the trick.

[BondJovi]

From a personal experience, I echo the above. Unless the person wants to stop, all you can really do is offer support, the ideas of help, but they have to take it. In your case they have admitted they have a problem, which is a big step, but the next one is the hardest.

 

I think you are doing the right things and doing all you can really, many wouldn't want to know or get involved so you should be proud of yourself (which might be no comfort).

[froggg]

Was hoping there was somebody on here that knows about this or has any kind of experience. Probably not the best place to discuss it but over the last year or two i've learnt that there are all sorts on this forum, surprising really.

 

Anyway, I feel like not just banging but smashing my head against a brick wall. Constant phone calls from a family member wanting to talk at all times of the day and night, at home and at work... Sadly, and I hope I don't live to regret this but I honestly have not got the time that is needed to 'sort him out' only come on here for a quick release.

 

Basically, he's admitting that he's an alcoholic... he's a complete addict and has been for six years at least. He's now forcing vodka down first thing in the morning, despite sicking it back up and is drinking heavily every night. 

 

Unbelievably, he manages to hold on to a top construction job as a site manager. 

 

Things must be desperate now, i've always been close to him and to hear some of the things he's talking about and suggesting he'll do is heartbreaking. 

 

He needs 'to go in' but says that he wont and that he can do it on his own... which he fooking can't and wont. 

 

There are about five or six issues in his life but none that cant be sorted or moved on from so he needs help with them aswell. 

 

Anyone got any ideas? Because I haven't... How do I convince or persuade him to go to a rehabilitation place? He needs total abstinence or summat.

 

Please PM me if needs be.

 

Thanks very much. 

 

 

P.S - this 'family member' is real   

 

Mate until he reaches the point of wanting and seeking help there is nothing you can do, the natural progression will be serious life threatening illness such as Pancreatitis or liver cirrhosis, which will lead to hospitalisation, this may be the point for 'them' to seek help, or his social structure falling apart, such as relationship break up, loss of job and subsequent financial meltdown.

Put down some boundaries with the phone calls if they are causing you problems.

Print this off and show him if you think it might spur him into acceptance. Oh and don't let him just say he'll go to AA or such like, and they are useful, but he needs a medically supervised detox first. Good luck mate.

[Ewetube]

There, but for the grace of God, go a lot of us!

 

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing for your relative. Having someone he can confide in and trust is very important. He really will need professional help with his addiction, at the stage he is clearly at it could be very dangerous for him to just try and go it alone and stop.

 

I also echo the sentiment about you feeling good about yourself for what you are doing. While ever there are lines of communication between the two of you, you are in with a chance of getting through to him.

 

Very best of luck.

[davenportram]

Alcoholics Anonymous is there for alcoholics.

but it won't do much good unless he wants help

However there is also AlAnon which is run by family members of alcoholics and there to help friends and family of alcoholics whether or not the alcoholic is helping themselves.

It might be worth getting in touch with them

Http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Its specifically designed to support people in dealing with the effects of having an alcoholic friend or family member

[PrivateDerby]

Thanks for everything so far, not sure much more needs to be said, just thought i'd see if there was anything I was forgetting. Thanks again.

[Boycie]

Jeremy Kyle does these special shows where they force them to admit their addiction and send them straight off to rehab.

Serious cost involved for these 10 week rehab courses! But it's free

Bit extreme, and you air your dirty washing in public, but, might be worth a shot?

[Mostyn6]

sadly, Like a few on here, I have first-hand experience of a family alcoholic, and one thing is, the person must want to go sober.

[MrsRam]

I can't add much more than what's been posted but don't let it drag YOU down, don't feel guilty for not doing enough - you are, just by being there. At the end of the day, it's not your problem, its theirs and it's only them that can make the decision, one way or another.

 

It's hard when you have to stand and watch someone self destructing, you feel helpless, it will probably just take something to make it sink in, sometimes just something small, but it's out of your control unfortunately, if only it was as easy as we think it is.

[Cisse]

Since I'm from Finland I'm far too familiar with this problem. I've lost a few people due to alcohol. Some drank themselves to an early grave and some had alcohol related accidents.

I might have misread between the lines but if I didn't and he threatens you by committing a suicide tell him that everytime that happens you hang up. Otherwise the helper will soon become the helpee. I know this.

What has been said in here is true, he's the one who has to take the first step. Although make it clear to him that he doesn't have to take it alone nor should do it alone. It is no shame to ask for help from your friends or professionals on this kind of field. That is what they both are for. For help.

One time that things did go well on this kind of thing went like this. There were four of us who had been friends well over a decade. Three of us set our friend up by picking him up straight from work and took him to AA meeting. He didn't want to go and had all kind of excuses why TODAY was the wrong time. We gave him ultimatum. He goes in and listens this one time what happens or we three are through with him. Forever.

We told him we would wait outside through the meeting and see him after. We got lucky. It was a good meeting and he found the right guy inside who in the end got to our friend and was able to help him save himself. He's been sober now for eight years I think.

Tried this same thing another time too with a different set of friends on a different guy. We failed miserably. Our friend died less than two years later. He was 33.

I wish you luck and all the best.

[Alph]

Good luck Private.

He needs to wake up. Realise that this is it. This is your life. We'll all be gone soon so get out there and drag out all the joy you can muster from this pointless existence.

I know life can be hard. At times I've allowed myself some sulking time but after I while I switch on some arrogance, stop giving a **** and start knocking kicking the **** out of my problems.

At some point I hope he thinks **** alcohol. I'm going to rehab and I'm going to knock down yet another wall life puts infront of me. Put another one up and I'll knock down that cnut anorl. I'm going to be happy if I grow a pair.

Or you can sit sulking forever and die a loser and a coward probably with nobody that cares.

**** that. We've all been in some ruts and get out of them in different ways.

My way has always been to allow sulking time. Shed a few tears. Get angry. Face it head on.

You can't always come back from anything but he's got time yet.

Don't let life beat him man. Jesus! C'mon, get out and share it with people you love. Or find someone you love.

It's not easy. We all know it. Some take the early exit. That's how hard it is. But decide which route he wants. Is he in or out? Or is he going to waste his time on alcohol.

I know it sounds like a rant where I have no sympathy but I'm not ranting and I am sympathetic. Just the way I deal with my problems is to get arrogant and focused. Which obviously is how my post comes across.

[Alph]

Please no one take offence at my last post. That's simply how I talk to myself after some sulking time. You're not a loser/coward if you quit life.

In my opinion I'd call myself a loser if I just wasted away unhappy.

I'll die happy or ill die by choice.

I'll never die sulking.

[Gritstone Ram]

I found a new bird helped me out. Got me away from bad influences. Gave me something to do. Took my mind off everything that was bad.

Now she drinks more than me, well nearly.

[mozza]

I found a new bird helped me out. Got me away from bad influences. Gave me something to do. Took my mind off everything that was bad.

Now she drinks more than me, well nearly.

 

 

Yea ,  i remember you sayin' she was teatotal , til she met you..

 

[Mafiabob]

If he really wants to stop get him down Alcholics Anonymous. needs to be surrounded by people who go through the same thing. its a illness with no cure. but you can manage it.

 

ive gone through Gamblers Anonymous so i know what addiction does. feel free to let him read my blog. its the first one i written out of the 3/4 posts on there. thebaronwrites.wordpress.com

 

hope that helps

[observer]

This will sound extremely harsh,  

 

 

but why not call / email his employer?

 

He would then be forced to either not go to work and seek help or lose his job! 

 

They wouldnt be willing to take the risk and would require him to seek help, it will be an underlying issue causing it but he needs help and whilst he 'thinks' he is getting that support from you, thats not ideal for anyone either him in the long term or you in the short term

 

 

would maybe offer him the wake up call he needs

[observer]

If he really wants to stop get him down Alcholics Anonymous. needs to be surrounded by people who go through the same thing. its a illness with no cure. but you can manage it.

 

ive gone through Gamblers Anonymous so i know what addiction does. feel free to let him read my blog. its the first one i written out of the 3/4 posts on there. thebaronwrites.wordpress.com

 

hope that helps

 

Mafia, 

 

Why have you stopped writing the blog out of interest, 

 

I have been fortunate to carry my gambling issue for the last ten years I have moments of madness but thats all its ever been and they are becoming less frequent, 

 

I think gambling addiction is a major issue in the uk that doesnt get the recognition at all!! 

 

it goes hand in hand with the mental state of this country

[needles]

Please no one take offence at my last post. That's simply how I talk to myself after some sulking time. You're not a loser/coward if you quit life.

In my opinion I'd call myself a loser if I just wasted away unhappy.

I'll die happy or ill die by choice.

I'll never die sulking.

 

No-one should take offence at someone talking from the heart and the balls. Good post IMO.

 

I've seen it like most of us, and for me the spark of hope in the topic is that the geezer knows he's got a problem. That's often the biggest battle and I've seen someone at one step removed from me piss their lives away and never admit to anyone there's a problem to be addressed.

 

Good luck to PR and his relative. AA and Samaritans are great ideas.