Hans Datdo-Dishes
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Posts posted by Hans Datdo-Dishes
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If not stars, a couple of middle fingers would do the job
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A man goes to see his doctor and says that he can't pronounce his th's or his f's. The doctor replied, "well, you can't say fairer than that then".
- uttoxram75 and Mick Brolly
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1 hour ago, CBRammette said:
Very string statement from team Ashley today anyway
Gee
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Two businessmen in the centre of London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some old pensioner is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked," What are you selling? "
One of the men replied sarcastically," We're selling @rseholes."
Without skipping a beat, the old woman said, "Must be doing well...only two left!"
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Many years ago, I had a yellow Tommy Hilfiger(hugging) shirt. Someone said "nice shirt, Hans, matches your teeth". Never worn again!
- Bob The Badger, Steve How Hard? and Rev
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Two young lads go for a drive. They come to a set of traffic lights on red, and he drives straight through them. "what are you doing"? "Bob's teaching me drive and he always goes through a red light". "it's madness", said the passenger.
They come to another set of lights on red and he does the same. After similar protestations, the driver explained that Bob was teaching him to drive and always goes through on red.
They come to a third set of lights, which are on green this time. As they reach the line he slams the brakes on. Having pealed his face off the windscreen, the passenger asks what the hell is he doing, to which the driver replied "what do you mean, Bob might be coming the other way..."
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I'm off to get my Lionel Blair haircut in memory in memory of him.
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New joke thread (trigger alert, may offend if you want it to)
in The Jim Smith Room
Posted
A man's about to go to the pub again and his wife's not happy. She complains that he gets drunk every night and she's had enough. She threatens to leave him if he goes. He goes anyway! He gets bladdered and is sick all down his jacket. His mates know about his wife and suggest that he puts a twenty pound note in his jacket pocket and, when his wife complains, he can say that someone was sick down his front and the money is for the dry cleaning.
He gets home and his wife goes mad. He explains that someone was sick down his front and he reaches into his jacket pocket for the twenty pound note and says they gave him the note to dry clean the jacket. His wife notices that he is holding two notes and questions why there are two. He said that "the second one is from the bloke who sh@t in my pants".