Phoenix

...and hold up a finger....

'I'm so MoneySupermarket' TV adverts
'Go Compare' TV adverts

I sometimes wish I had the nerve to say "Your bum would look big in anything" but I couldn't afford the resultant dentists fees.

I sometimes wish I had the nerve to say "Your bum would look big in anything" but I couldn't afford the resultant dentists fees.

The instruction and electrical CE compliance manuals you get with every appliance .. A great thick book with the same instructions in 12 different languages. 

I actually saw a BMW indicating at a junction. Mind you, it was in the wrong lane.

Or sounds like Norman Collier.
For the younger element -
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1002561/Watch-Norman-Colliers-famous-faulty-microphone-gag.html

Rather than post this in the Brexit thread, currency rip-offs.
There are newspaper headlines about 'Fury at holiday money sharks'. However, taking what is ostensibly a fair example,M & S are quoting rates that give them an 11% trading profit. Does it really cost them that much to deal?
£100 would buy you €114.76. Sell the €114.76 back to them and you'd get a princely £88.92.

Rather like the gentleman my colleague overheard in a restaurant.  'Do you mind if I eat while/whilst you're smoking?'

The transfer 'update' thread that contains no updates other than the fact that we might sign someone.

Tony Blair's crocodile tears.

Tony Blair's crocodile tears.

"New and improved!"
How can it be both?
If its new, its not the same as the old one.
If its improved, its not new.

Media waffle.
The TV news was on last night, and although I wasn't listening at the time, one phrase cut through.
"We will not tolerate intolerance"
Right on. What the f*** does that convey. I'm still bemused.

Clickbait journalism.
YOU wont believe what THIS celebrity did last...
THREE players Derby County should sign from ARSENAL this...
THIS player linked with move away...
I absolutely hate it and will not read anything from sites that do it.

Articles On The Yahoo Main Site Where Every Word In The Heading (Usually A Very Long One) Has To Begin With A Capital Letter.

I was in a car showroom a few years ago when this chap came in to collect his new motor in a rather touching shade of metallic lilac.
Each to his own.

I can understand people who buy an old banger, and couldn't care less what colour it is.
But to know that someone has visited a showroom, and been given a choice of finishes, only to plump for faecal brown, is a truly depressing thought.

Brown cars.

Puns

People who drop cotton buds down the toilet. Usually my step-children. (Adults, by the way.)

I'm amused, or should that be bemused, by the exhortations of all web sites to
1. Have unique passwords that are a combination of alpha (a mixture of upper case/lower case)/numeric/special characters, of not less than 12  characters
2. Memorise them and never write them down
3. Change them frequently.
I reckon I must have the better part of fifty , together with user names and upto five different pieces of personal information for each one. If I had a brain the size of a planet I'd struggle to remember it all.

I'm amused, or should that be bemused, by the exhortations of all web sites to
1. Have unique passwords that are a combination of alpha (a mixture of upper case/lower case)/numeric/special characters, of not less than 12  characters
2. Memorise them and never write them down
3. Change them frequently.
I reckon I must have the better part of fifty , together with user names and upto five different pieces of personal information for each one. If I had a brain the size of a planet I'd struggle to remember it all.

I have had a bad reaction to LCFC's success, in fact the missus has refused to watch the local news because I threw her mobile phone at the TV when they had won the title(breaking both), its hard because the BBC have been absolutely obsessed with showing this **** at every opportunity, nothing about the tax fiddling though.

Same here, but I do Frozen and chilled first, then fruit and veg, then packets and tins. Anything that might leak/stink gets bagged separately.
I also let some one with a couple of items go ahead of me, especially if she's got high heels and big tits.