Phoenix

#Phoenix
1 Gold street in Shaftesbury.
2 Stourhead
3 Durdle Door via Lulworth Castle and cove.
4 Corfe Castle via The Square and Compass in Worth Matravers.
5 Lyme Regis
If you like River Cottage check out their website for their various eateries in the West of the county. 
If you have time check out Christchurch and Wimborne. That should keep you busy for a week.
 
 
 

People, usually the ladies, who ask 'Who's winning?' an hour or so into a 5-day test match.

Slightly warm scones with clotted cream and whole-fruit strawberry jam.

Slightly warm scones with clotted cream and whole-fruit strawberry jam.

Or else turn off, 70 yards further down the road.

I always think a response of 'Your bum would look big in anything' would be amusing, but never had the courage to say it.

Wee billy?

Plus those who say "off of" instead of "from"

...or Leprosy, or fleas. I had thought of that but it happens far too often.

A mate of mine (ok, he had a good job, nice redundncy package shortly before normal retirement, good pension, plus he was left a bit of money) decided to buy the semi-detatched house adjoining his daughter's house.
It was quite run down and he spent quite a bit getting up to a nice standard, and was renting it out.
A few weeks ago he had a heart attack, fairly minor, but made him realise he was not actually immortal. So he decided that he would give the house to his daughter, and knock the two together to make a nice large detached house.
'But', he said, 'I want you to pay me the rental that I would have got if I'd still being letting it out. I'm spent up now, and need the money to supplement my pension'.
Response. 'I don't see why I should do that. It's my inheritance'.
I'd have given her a good slapping.
 

Cookery programmes. There's no escape from them, like the Prisoner.

Eastgate, The Underpass and St Alkmunds Way. I don't have much in the way of a solution but what an absolute b******* couple of roads. 

Owners of Dogs.
One of our neighbours has one which barks incessantly for at least 2 hours every morning, stating at about 6-30 to 7 am.
Don't dogs ever get sore throats?

Owners of Dogs.
One of our neighbours has one which barks incessantly for at least 2 hours every morning, stating at about 6-30 to 7 am.
Don't dogs ever get sore throats?

If you do the unboxing and re-unboxing in the privacy of a man cave, no one will know if you're cheating.

Amused me rather than cheered me up.
Sign on the back of a white van
Vehicle well driven?
Ring 0800GETALIFE

Amused me rather than cheered me up.
Sign on the back of a white van
Vehicle well driven?
Ring 0800GETALIFE

The first one's a bit in-your-face.
The second one, try this place.
https://www.premiumwatches.com/breitling-transocean-day-und-date-a4531012.g751.103w.a20ba.1.html?c=3298

People at the till in supermarkets who seem shocked that they have to pay. Cue belated rummage round in handbag, search in vain for plastic, start counting out money in small change (with much more rummaging around in bottom of purse).
Worse still, the ones who, at the point of having to pay, decide to take that mobile phone call, oblivious to the queue of 15 people behind them with rapidly menting frozen food.

People at the till in supermarkets who seem shocked that they have to pay. Cue belated rummage round in handbag, search in vain for plastic, start counting out money in small change (with much more rummaging around in bottom of purse).
Worse still, the ones who, at the point of having to pay, decide to take that mobile phone call, oblivious to the queue of 15 people behind them with rapidly menting frozen food.

Apparently it was two, independent, cadaver smelling dogs. i.e. they were not present at the same time.

NCP Car parks.
Went to see something at the Curve theatre in Leicester last Thursday, with tickets bought as a present. 30 minute drive in, parked in the Car Park next to the theatre.
Got there at 7-15. Show finished at about 10. Got to the ticket machine as around 10-05, put my bank card in, £12, thank you very much. What a f*****g rip off.

A mate of mine went to a friend's funeral recently. The deceased was what you would describe as dapper. Always smoothing his hair in the mirror; prominently displaying his gold watch, and the like.
At his funeral they played 'You're so vain'. My mate wet himself laughing.

Finally someone has taken a big annoyance and done something about it. 'The Apostrophiser'! Shame he's only in Bristol, could he come to Derbyshire?

Saddos taking selfies with cameras on sticks.