FindernRam

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be £9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"

"That's right.. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be £9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"

"That's right.. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be £9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"

"That's right.. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be £9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"
asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money
would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"

"That's right.. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. 

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. 

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. 

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. 

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. 
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. 

Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed byPepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. 

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. 

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. 

This means that by 2021, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. 
 

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My friend Dipstick just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
 "What did you get?" I asked.  "26 pictures," he smiled, showing me.
"The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "Mate, these are from an estate agents."    
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brother took being sent to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him,
then smeared the walls with his own faeces.......

 I'll never play Monopoly with him again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 My wife said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom...
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the pub.   
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the heck have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."
"Playing poker with some blokes?" she repeated.
"Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

 "So can you," I said. "This isn't our house any more."                 
 

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

I was waiting to use the cash m/c when the old lady in front asked if I could check her balance for her....so I gave her a shove.