AmericanRam

Bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday.
Soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!

Bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday.
Soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!

Bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday.
Soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!

My lady is celebrating her 40th birthday today and this morning I surprised her with a cruise package to the Caribbean in March along with a charm bracelet with her kids birthstones.
She had told me that none of her previous boyfriends had ever really taken her anywhere or took her birthday seriously so to say she was happy is a vast understatement.??

My lady is celebrating her 40th birthday today and this morning I surprised her with a cruise package to the Caribbean in March along with a charm bracelet with her kids birthstones.
She had told me that none of her previous boyfriends had ever really taken her anywhere or took her birthday seriously so to say she was happy is a vast understatement.??

My lady is celebrating her 40th birthday today and this morning I surprised her with a cruise package to the Caribbean in March along with a charm bracelet with her kids birthstones.
She had told me that none of her previous boyfriends had ever really taken her anywhere or took her birthday seriously so to say she was happy is a vast understatement.??

My lady is celebrating her 40th birthday today and this morning I surprised her with a cruise package to the Caribbean in March along with a charm bracelet with her kids birthstones.
She had told me that none of her previous boyfriends had ever really taken her anywhere or took her birthday seriously so to say she was happy is a vast understatement.??

My lady is celebrating her 40th birthday today and this morning I surprised her with a cruise package to the Caribbean in March along with a charm bracelet with her kids birthstones.
She had told me that none of her previous boyfriends had ever really taken her anywhere or took her birthday seriously so to say she was happy is a vast understatement.??

I'll take GGG on points as well.Looking forward to it for sure.

Any predictions for GGG v Canelo? Respect for both doing it again. Great fighters. 
I reckon GGG gets hurt for the first time as he takes more risk. But GGG on points. 
It's going to be interesting to see what Canelo does different. GGG said he'll work the body more and be more aggressive. He'll obviously try to slow Canelo and pressure him. 
What can Canelo do? In the first fight he fought quite well but GGG seems to be very comfortable taking shots at that weight. He'll have to be even fitter than last time to win not got walked down. 

Close the thread, this is the peak. 

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Mr Whippy was sadly found dead in his van today. 
 
He was covered in strawberry sauce and crushed nuts as well as hundreds and thousands.
 
Police reckon he topped himself.

A Mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate has just been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it might be Pharaoh Rocher.

Just picked up our new puppy Cosmo?

 

Tonight my lady and I are going to a new local seafood restaurant to eat some shrimp and lobster to celebrate her getting accepted into nursing school.So happy and proud of her.??

A man gets pulled over for speeding.
 
The police officer approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer?"
The officer says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The officer is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The officer says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. Another officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
This officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you the lying ******* told you I was speeding, too!"

My friend had one of his testicles removed today after finding a lump.
That's how serious he is about mashed potatoes.

The woman who injected her eight year old with botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised. 

The woman who injected her eight year old with botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised. 

The woman who injected her eight year old with botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised. 

The woman who injected her eight year old with botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn't look surprised. 

Mr Whippy was sadly found dead in his van today. 
 
He was covered in strawberry sauce and crushed nuts as well as hundreds and thousands.
 
Police reckon he topped himself.

A dishevelled bloke wobbles and weaves his way into a DIY store...

"Bottle of methylated spirit please" he says

“Look mate, I wasn't born yesterday” replies the shop assistant. “I can't sell that to you when I know you're just going to sit and drink it"

“Hey, what are you implying?” says the man. “I'm just using it for woodwork!"

“Ok, Ok..." says the assistant, taking a bottle off the shelf.

“Oh FFS” says the man. “haven't you got a cold one?"