Honesty

[Wolfie]

44 minutes ago, GboroRam said:

I was confused what the Amazon Panty service was, then I re-read.

Isn't that what you have to wear after a Brazillian?

[TigerTedd]

I have found that telling a lie can seem like the easy way out at the time, but maintaining the lie can then send you down a rabbit hole you can’t get out of. 

Confession time (this is getting on for 18 years ago now, so hopefully the statute of limitations has passed).

i was an apprentice working at the DRI when was 17. As part of an apprenticeship, I was supposed to go a day a week for college to study my NVQ, but my college didn’t work like that, and they just visited me once a fortnight for a couple of hours. 

So my manager told me I could go to college and do an a-level instead. Now this wasn’t a nice neat day-a-week course. It was a couple of hours hear and there. If I remember correctly I basically negotiated for Tuesday morning, Thursday afternoon as Friday morning off to attend my lessons. 

Well I soon discovered Thursday night all in for a tenner at D&E, and Monday night drinks at Zanzibar, and began to not attend Mackworth College anymore, before I eventually quit my a-level altogether. I only made it to the first half term in October.

but I didn’t tel anyone at work that I quit. So for the next two years I had to maintain this lie that I’d been at college. Basically I was digging a hole so deep, there was no way out of it, except the hope that if I keep digging, I could make it all the way to New Zealand.

At one point where they got suspicious. They told me this, and they’d asked the college for my attendance record. Good old data protection act meant that the college had to call me for permission to send it, which I denied, but asked them to send it to me instead. I then mocked up a forgery in excel, and obviously put me down as having perfect attendance, then forwarded it on to my work. They never got suspicious again.

Eventually I told them I got an A overall, which meant I was able to achieve my ambition of going to university. They took me out for a meal to celebrate, and everyone contributed to a university survival kit for my leaving present after 2 years. In truth I was moving to live in my sisters basement and go back to college to hopefully complete an a-level this time.

Anyway, that was when I was 17/18/19. I’m a lot more mature now, and would never dream of doing anything like that again.

 

[FindernRam]

Some lies are essential for survival:

Does my bum look big in this?----No!

Do you like my new hairdo?--- Yes

Will I fit a size 10?---Yes

Have you got me a card yet?---Of course dear!

Some don't work anymore:

The cheque's in the post

The report's in the typing pool

I'm in the office (B****y tracker on the phone.) 

[Van der MoodHoover]

My one experience of corporate expense mendacity resulted in such public humiliation i have been the model of full compliance since.

in the late 1980's my then employer sent a number of us for the first time ever on a 2 day course to London and as it started early we travelled down the night before.

The first evening was relatively uneventful but we discovered that our hotel was b&b only and an evening meal was a) expensive and b) not very good.

So the 2nd evening me and a mate decided to forego chicken kiev and headed to the Pheasant and Firkin for a few rounds of Dogbolter.

Some hours later we repaired to the Star of Istanbul - a fine establishment, and on purchasing a couple of their finest doners, the guvnor asked if we needed a receipt. "Yes!" I said, whereupon he asked "how much you like it for, lads"? So we settled on £30 - which nicely covered most of our total costs for the evening  and which was cheaper than the fare proffered by the hotel (which was some chain thing - a Holiday Inn or some such) so a win-win I thought.

All seemed well until the redoubtable Olive from accounts strode down the office a few days later shrieking, " 'oo's is THIS?" waving around a recognisable shiny order pad receipt, complete with grease stain and a dollop of set chilli sauce. I muttered some excuse whereupon she fixed me with a steely glare and in no uncertain terms stated "this will have to be APPROVED!"

I got the cash amidst much mirth from line manager, but a few days later a new corporate policy for subsistence and accommodation was published and circulated with a whole variety of don'ts and all sorts of strictures.

 

I've been absolutely straight as a die ever since............? 

[King Kevin]

Honesty doesn't pay ,the missus was stood in front of the mirror the other night , ,I've got wrinkles ,grey hair and everything's going South what do you reckon ?

There's naff all wrong with your eyesight I reply.

 

[TigerTedd]

I nicked a tip jar once. 

(I didn’t really, I’m just trying to get @Angry Ram‘s threads merged). 

[Angry Ram]

2 minutes ago, TigerTedd said:

I nicked a tip jar once. 

(I didn’t really, I’m just trying to get @Angry Ram‘s threads merged). 

Merge away, honestly, merge away.. Little tip for ya.. Don't tell Boycie, this will turn into a pun fest.

[McRainy]

Can't do dishonesty. I'm not claiming to be morally upstanding, I just don't have the capacity to lie.

Had an affair once in my early twenties. Worst six months of my life. Ended up dumping both of them because I couldn't cope with the pretence.

I still feel guilty and ashamed for swapping a price label in Andy's Records in 1978. I got 49p off Blonde on Blonde. 

[Sith Happens]

Usually I am honest. I have told restaurants and hotels if items missing off bill etc.

Hand things in if find them etc.

I remember one occasion I was camping and couple in next tent packing up and going. Noticed as they drove off a wallet on the floor. Picked it up ran after them waving like a mad man eventually he stopped I was knackered he was looking at me like I was a weirdo.

Obviously a bit happier when he realised why had ran after him.

I'm sure we have all been dishonest at some point, picked up a fiver etc

 

 

 

[TigerTedd]

37 minutes ago, Paul71 said:

Usually I am honest. I have told restaurants and hotels if items missing off bill etc.

Hand things in if find them etc.

I remember one occasion I was camping and couple in next tent packing up and going. Noticed as they drove off a wallet on the floor. Picked it up ran after them waving like a mad man eventually he stopped I was knackered he was looking at me like I was a weirdo.

Obviously a bit happier when he realised why had ran after him.

I'm sure we have all been dishonest at some point, picked up a fiver etc

 

 

 

I did pick up a tenner walking away from the Farley park concert. Anyone on here want to claim it? You can have it if you can tell me the serial number. 

I suppose in hindsight I could’ve put it in a charity box. But sometimes life leaves a tenner in your path, call that a good day. Plenty of times I’ve been the one that dropped the tenner. 

I did buy a tent recently, and the lady forgot to scan two pretty big items. I thought that seems a bit low, so I questioned it. She insisted she scanned everything, but I insisted she double check and scan it all again. 

All the time the little devil on my shoulder was screaming ‘what are you doing, just take the tents and leave, she’s basically telling you to.’ But eventually we got to the bottom of it, and I paid an extra £50. The little angel on my shoulder slept soundly, butvthe little devil had a right tantrum. 

[GboroRam]

I'm honest enough with people's personal things - however I did find a £20 note on the floor on the entranceway to work. No way to tell who had dropped it, and it's hardly the kind of thing you can ask "anyone lost £20?" - you'll get 50 replies. I did ask my team if anyone had lost any cash, and to tell me how much. If anyone had said they'd lost £20 I'd have given it to them, but nobody had, so it's my gain.

The woman at Asda was scanning in my case of 6 bottles of wine and it rang in at £4.50, the price for a bottle. At the end of the shopping I said "it looks on the low side - are you sure it's right?" (knowing what had happened) and she just said, "I hate maths". So I thought, maybe checkout ain't the job for you, love, maybe this might help you with your career direction, and took the £22.50 for myself. No regrets, Asda can afford it - and maybe should choose their staff a bit more wisely.

[McRainy]

Speaking of checkouts, years ago I worked at Tescos in Oban. I used to give away loads of free stuff, without people realising they hadn't paid for it. Folks would come in from the islands to do their monthly shop, so wouldn't notice £30 for a bottle of whisky. 

The worst one was those ready cooked chickens. The coating of grease meant that the scanner never worked, so you were supposed to put the 13 digit code in manually. They were so disgusting I didn't like handling them, so they were always given away. 

Between 5 and 6pm was generally alkie hour, red faced old men in stinking tweed buying four bottles of Whytes and a packet of biscuits. It was a challenge to try and sneak them a bit of proper food.

There was a really gung ho attitude in that shop. Everyone who worked there hated it, from the top down, so you did what you could to make it bearable. 

[TigerTedd]

I must confess: I once ran through a corn field. 

Phew, glad to get that one off my chest. 

[McRainy]

Don't know why I never felt guilty about ripping off Tescos, but I didn't. They're not Andy's Records, are they. 

Maybe because I wasn't benefiting from it personally. 

[Parsnip]

1 hour ago, Lambchop said:

Don't know why I never felt guilty about ripping off Tescos, but I didn't. They're not Andy's Records, are they. 

Maybe because I wasn't benefiting from it personally. 

I've always felt that the demise of Kwik Save was in part due to my employment during the 90's. I was 16-18, pretty constantly under the influence of Ecstacy or some other mind altering narcotic, and certainly not 100% focused on improving the profit margins of my employer. I never took a penny personally but i did consider myself something of a crusader for the poor. If a stressed looking single mum approached my conveyor belt then you can bet your life all her coupons were going to be accepted manually regardless of dates & validity, and if her washing powder didn't beep as it went through the till then i very often wouldn't notice. I was basically like God.

God doesn't feel guilt.

[ThePrisoner]

I’ve been known to scan a red onion as a regular onion and a Krispy Kreme doughnut as a regular 25p Tesco one on the self service from time to time. 

[Parsnip]

8 minutes ago, ThePrisoner said:

I’ve been known to scan a red onion as a regular onion and a Krispy Kreme doughnut as a regular 25p Tesco one on the self service from time to time. 

 Yeah and look where you've ended up.

[GboroRam]

3 hours ago, Lambchop said:

Don't know why I never felt guilty about ripping off Tescos, but I didn't. They're not Andy's Records, are they. 

Maybe because I wasn't benefiting from it personally. 

My cousin got sacked from Netto, basically for eating his own body weight in kiwi fruit. He didn't realise how expensive they are.

[Van der MoodHoover]

6 hours ago, TigerTedd said:

I must confess: I once ran through a corn field. 

Phew, glad to get that one off my chest. 

Did Boris get away Tedd? ?

[Parsnip]

2 hours ago, GboroRam said:

My cousin got sacked from Netto, basically for eating his own body weight in kiwi fruit. He didn't realise how expensive they are.

About kiwis... my local Sainsburys sell them at 50p each, and then further down the aisle, away from the single ones and kind of hidden away, they sell a net full of 8 kiwis for £1. 

I would've stolen a lot less kiwis over the years if I'd known earlier about the nets.