Our salvation for Tuesday night

[Half fan]

We know we have the players to reach Wembley.

So the problem is simple - we need a coach immediately who can bring the best out of them.

Now, anyone who has ever managed anything, knows that personnel selection is always a risk. What's crucial therefore is to list the right criteria for the position and ruthlessly screen the candidate against those criteria.

Here goes.

1. Has the candidate coached in the Championship?
2. Has he coached a team in the play-offs semi-final?
3. Has he ever won a semi-final and taken a team to Wembley?
4. We have been abysmal in the first half and been completely outplayed. So has he ever worked the miracle of a turn-around in the second half?
5. Even with very little time at his disposal?
6. He will have to hit the ground running today, so does he know most of our players?
7. Has he worked with most of them before?
8. Has he coached the goal-scorers to score goals?
9. Is his style neither slow tipp-tappy in our half, nor fruitless long balls into the opponents' half?
10. Under his tuition, does the team play the Derby Way - speedy pass and move forwards on the ground?
11. Will the team believe that they can play this way under his coaching for a couple of days?
12. We are accustomed to playing 4 3 3. Is this his preferred formation too?
13. As he will be the coach and not the manager, has he experience of working under a top manager, such as Sir Alex?
14. In this partnership, did his coaching win anything - like the Champions League for example?
15. We do not have Sir Alex as a manager, but we do have a wily and very experienced football adviser who could be appointed manager today for a few weeks. Has he ever worked under Arry before?
16. It would help if he knew the current coaching and managerial staff and our facilities. Does he?
17. Our goalkeeper is good, but seems currently to be better at picking the ball out of the back of his net than stopping it getting there in the first place. Does the candidate know one of the best-ever goalkeeper coaches who lives nearby and is available?
18. If all the answers so far are positive, is he available?
19. This is all too good to be true. Is he looking for a job?
20. Has he a burning ambition and a point to prove?
21. Do we have his contact details?
22. Has the current coach been promised he can return to his old job if need be?

So as every single answer is yes, what's the problem Mel? Pride before fall?

If I was Schteve this is what I would say to our players. "I'm very sorry about what happened last season, and I wholeheartedly apologise. But I'm not the first person to be seduced and ditched by sirens, and I won't be the last. I've paid the penalty by being a laughing stock and my reputation is in ruins. But you lot too are a laughing stock and your reputations are also in ruins. So we are made for each other. To paraphrase my most illustrious predecessor, your medals and trophies are all in the dustbin. But together we can fish them out. YES WE CAN, because we know we can.Together we have done it before. And you have rattled 4 goals in 90 minutes past these premier league failures before, without conceding. Now let's get out there and shoot those tigers."

Are you listening Mel? Because you owe us. Oh, and by the way, there's £170milions at stake.

[mwram1973]

2 minutes ago, Half fan said:

We know we have the players to reach Wembley.

So the problem is simple - we need a coach immediately who can bring the best out of them.

Now, anyone who has ever managed anything, knows that personnel selection is always a risk. What's crucial therefore is to list the right criteria for the position and ruthlessly screen the candidate against those criteria.

Here goes.

1. Has the candidate coached in the Championship?
2. Has he coached a team in the play-offs semi-final?
3. Has he ever won a semi-final and taken a team to Wembley?
4. We have been abysmal in the first half and been completely outplayed. So has he ever worked the miracle of a turn-around in the second half?
5. Even with very little time at his disposal?
6. He will have to hit the ground running today, so does he know most of our players?
7. Has he worked with most of them before?
8. Has he coached the goal-scorers to score goals?
9. Is his style neither slow tipp-tappy in our half, nor fruitless long balls into the opponents' half?
10. Under his tuition, does the team play the Derby Way - speedy pass and move forwards on the ground?
11. Will the team believe that they can play this way under his coaching for a couple of days?
12. We are accustomed to playing 4 3 3. Is this his preferred formation too?
13. As he will be the coach and not the manager, has he experience of working under a top manager, such as Sir Alex?
14. In this partnership, did his coaching win anything - like the Champions League for example?
15. We do not have Sir Alex as a manager, but we do have a wily and very experienced football adviser who could be appointed manager today for a few weeks. Has he ever worked under Arry before?
16. It would help if he knew the current coaching and managerial staff and our facilities. Does he?
17. Our goalkeeper is good, but seems currently to be better at picking the ball out of the back of his net than stopping it getting there in the first place. Does the candidate know one of the best-ever goalkeeper coaches who lives nearby and is available?
18. If all the answers so far are positive, is he available?
19. This is all too good to be true. Is he looking for a job?
20. Has he a burning ambition and a point to prove?
21. Do we have his contact details?
22. Has the current coach been promised he can return to his old job if need be?

So as every single answer is yes, what's the problem Mel? Pride before fall?

If I was Schteve this is what I would say to our players. "I'm very sorry about what happened last season, and I wholeheartedly apologise. But I'm not the first person to be seduced and ditched by sirens, and I won't be the last. I've paid the penalty by being a laughing stock and my reputation is in ruins. But you lot too are a laughing stock and your reputations are also in ruins. So we are made for each other. To paraphrase my most illustrious predecessor, your medals and trophies are all in the dustbin. But together we can fish them out. YES WE CAN, because we know we can.Together we have done it before. And you have rattled 4 goals in 90 minutes past these premier league failures before, without conceding. Now let's get out there and shoot those tigers."

Are you listening Mel? Because you owe us. Oh, and by the way, there's £170milions at stake.

Because he owe's us!!!, are you serious, what exactly does he owe us?.

You need another in there too

23. Will not look to jump ship as soon as a bigger club takes an interest.

[Pearl Ram]

I've read dafter posts on here. My problem is I think we'd have to shift 4 or 5 who played yesterday if we did go up, they are clearly not up to it in the championship, picking and choosing when they can be arsed,  so they would be cannon fodder in the Premier.

To be honest, I'd have a clear out if it were possible ( but how do you shift someone on a long and lucrative contract) and go again in August with new signings and a proper manager.

[Half fan]

If you read my topic carefully, you'lI realise I've listed the criteria for someone to achieve a 4 nil win on Tuesday night, not a long term coach.

One step at a time.

And yes Mel does owe us - we invest our time and money in OUR club as well as him - and he has made or tolerated some really bad man-management decisions. Hence my careful list of criteria to help him make amends on Tuesday night.

Interesting that the Archdeacon from Hull has spotted that his team celebrated yesterday as if they were already on the bus to Wembley, and are as capable of not turning up for a match as we are. But then he adds - forget it, Wassall is still your coach.

So can we please stay on topic, sir, and deal with June in June. May is our priority and without a proper coach, it's a short month.

[Tamworthram]

So, you've not really written your criteria purely based on those we could tick for Shteve?

I'm not anti Maclaren but what about a few other questions:

1) Have you ever won a play-off final (not much point getting there if you can't win)

2) Have you ever won promotion from the championship

3) Have you demonstrated loyalty to your employer and a real desire to finish the job

 

 

[Half fan]

Answers!

1) No, but this time I'll be working for the manager that beat me - and not playing two of the three players who allowed Arry's man to score the winner!

2) No, and I do now agree that I'm a good coach not a good manager. But this time, I will be coaching for a manager who did win promotion from the championship. What a partnership we will have!

3) My loyalty to DCFC will be until the end of May, at which time win or lose I will walk away - as that is the only contract I will sign. That way, this monkey which I agree i put there, is off my back.

[top 6 finish]

Your 1st sentence "we know we have the players to reach Wembley" if someone shows them which tube train and when to change trains,you might be right. Otherwise most of your criteria is bollix.

[Half fan]

Anyone who thinks criteria are singular and not plural, certainly knows about bollix, thank you!

[Tombo]

I may be going mental, but I wouldn't be disappointed if McClaren took over before the second leg.

I think I'm definitely losing it now. I can't believe I just said that.

[rynny]

I thought you were pushing a job for Ian Holloway @Half fan 

[OohMartWright]

17 minutes ago, rynny said:

I thought you were pushing a job for Ian Holloway @Half fan 

Wash your keyboard out with soap. And then do it again just to be sure.

[Half fan]

I think there's more chance Mel would employ Schteve for a few weeks than an outspoken manager who would not toe a line.

And only Schteve meets all the criteria!

But Mr Holloway may well have a point. Did anyone notice Keogh having many words with Will when we were two nil down and going nowhere on Saturday? There was no literal 'arm around Will's shoulder' by our captain, and his body language did not seem comforting.

One other point whilst I'm on. Sitting in the West Upper, it was obvious to me that Hull were very successfully practising the very shots into the corners of the goal that provided two of their goals. In contrast, our shooting practice seemed desultory - most shots missed and no one seemed too bothered.

Mr Holloway could be hitting the right nails, I regret to observe.

[rynny]

8 minutes ago, OohMartWright said:

Wash your keyboard out with soap. And then do it again just to be sure.

He obviously loves us and wants the job 

[t'oldu]

But we already have Houdini at the club.................just let him have his head, put him on the bench, make him earn his corn......he's no good sitting up in the stands talking to Phillips and trying not to let his eyes close.

[Ilsonram12]

23 minutes ago, toldu said:

But we already have Houdini at the club.................just let him have his head, put him on the bench, make him earn his corn......he's no good sitting up in the stands talking to Phillips and trying not to let his eyes close.

Apparently there was a scene during the match where arry was very animated down the phone and on the other end was short who relayed something to wass....

[MuespachRam]

I stopped reading after "Do we have the players to get us to Wembley" because, no we don't.

[top 6 finish]

On ‎15‎/‎05‎/‎2016 at 15:17, Half fan said:

Anyone who thinks criteria are singular and not plural, certainly knows about bollix, thank you!

I thought 22 was plural.

[eddie]

On ‎15‎/‎05‎/‎2016 at 14:36, Tamworthram said:

So, you've not really written your criteria purely based on those we could tick for Shteve?

I'm not anti Maclaren but what about a few other questions:

1) Have you ever won a play-off final (not much point getting there if you can't win)

2) Have you ever won promotion from the championship

3) Have you demonstrated loyalty to your employer and a real desire to finish the job

 

 

Have you got a hair island?

[GboroRam]

3 hours ago, eddie said:

Have you got a hair island?

And a fabulous Dutch accent. 

[t'oldu]

On ‎5‎/‎16‎/‎2016 at 16:59, Ilsonram12 said:

Apparently there was a scene during the match where arry was very animated down the phone and on the other end was short who relayed something to wass....

But nothing visibly happened on the pitch