ThePrisoner

I phoned my grandma last night to ask her how she was getting on with her new stair lift.
She said, "To be honest it's driving me up the wall."

Paddy went for a job and at the interview he was told his starting rate was £7.50/hour going up to £12.50/hour after 6 months.
“When can you start?”, asked the interviewer.
“In 6 months”,Paddy replied.

I see Suggs has come out in support of the Remain campaign's People's Vote
 
It's political madness gone correct 

I made my wife a Caesar Salad last night
The dog was really pi$$ed off though as it was his last tin.

I cooked the wife a steak last night. 
She asked how it was cooked. I told her medium rare.
She said “I like mine well done”.
I replied “Thanks anytime”.

Yeah tbh I expected it to be much harder but I’ve nailed it.
Didn’t have a spatula so I’ve probably lost a point on presentation but I did the best with what I had.

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.
Should have put it on aloha setting.

My last girlfriend left me because of my obsession of touching pasta.
Feeling cannelloni right now
 

It's the way you tell em!

My dad always used to reckon that when he was fishing, he'd put the maggots under his tongue to warm them up and make them wriggle more on the hook.
That's disgusting if true. Does anyone know if this is a real thing?
I await the answer with baited breath
 
 

My original outlay was years ago, back with the iPhone 4, it's been a gradual increase since which has risen with phone contracts. It's much harder to get into now today with the prices so high, but if you can do it, it does save money IF you can look after the phone and afford the price difference at the start of each phone release year.
Also the XS is not £1500, only if you get the Max with 512gb storage.
Originally I got the XS Max with 256gb at £1250, lets say it was my first phone and I kept it for the 24 months, thats £52pm for the phone alone, throw in my contract which is £20pm for unlimited texts and minutes, 30gb data it's £72. 
On EE now as a new customer, iPhone XS Max, 256gb with 20gb data, unlimited minutes and texts is £83pm plus £50 for the phone. 
With EE 24 months contract £2042
Sim only contract with phone over 24 months £1728
My XS non Max 256gb which I'm getting today is £1150, I sold my X for £700. So my outlay has only been £450. Now I upgrade yearly as by flipping phones as I get the best trade in value for my old phone. 
£450 over 12 months is £37.50pm, plus my £20 contract is £57.50pm which over just 12 months compared to a EE contract is a saving of £306 and I can negotiate a couple of quid off or extra data or even leave for Three say after 12 months if better deals are around. I'm not tied in for two years.
EE are alright though, I have a second sim for my girlfriend, £7pm which she gets 300 minutes, unlimited texts and 1gb data, but I can gift data each month to her account. She does the same flipping phones each year and is much better with that contract, and she gets away with a 64gb phone which is cheaper at £1000.
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Added with edit: Most people have phones these days, so if it's in a decent condition and fairly new there would be a resale value which would help towards the cost of that first iPhone which would mean a bigger saving over contract. 

My iPhone Xs Max arrived yesterday. What a gloriously beautiful device. Love having that bigger screen back after using an X the last year. Few apps needs updating still as they’re just magnified at the moment, similar to when the Plus first came out. Camera is so good, even under lowlight, scarily good how they can produce photos like this.
No regrets!

Bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday.
Soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!

Burgers are infinitely better in a brioche bun you lunatic! America has a thing for potato buns and they are incredible(ly bad for you)

"Live, Laugh, Love".
If you need a written reminder of that on display in your house, I don't think I want to do any of those with you.

Burgers are infinitely better in a brioche bun you lunatic! America has a thing for potato buns and they are incredible(ly bad for you)

Can of Budweiser after lunch today.
Miles better than most of the soil and wood flavoured stuff posted in here.

What do you think the An in Android is short for?!

Close the thread, this is the peak. 

Despite the ridiculous name, the iPhone X S Max for me this Friday. Finally looking forward to having an X in the Plus size. 

A Mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate has just been discovered in Egypt.
Archaeologists believe it might be Pharaoh Rocher.

Stop flauting your flutes round here!

Each month has a theme, so it’s not usually leftovers. I however cancelled mine and preferred the Mikeller beer club which is 9 beers a month and some freebies. It’s a little more pricey at £39ish including free UPS delivery from Denmark but the quality is so much better. 
The beers are usually one offs. I’ve got a code for half price, drop me a PM if interested!

Just to try and cheer people up this is a birthday photo of my golden retriever/poodle cross (yes I know he’s not very golden) his name is Hector.

Mr Whippy was sadly found dead in his van today. 
 
He was covered in strawberry sauce and crushed nuts as well as hundreds and thousands.
 
Police reckon he topped himself.