FindernRam

The fascination for me is only true for totally mechanical watches. My Omega Seamaster QMatic. is semi quartz but charges by movement. My absolute favourite is my Longines Conquest Classic chronometer. Absolute masterpiece of miniature engineering. Cost a fortune to service, but keeps excellent time.
PS When you look at your watch smile for Mr. Putin, he is watching (?) you.

He's not normally known for his one liners but i've just seen Jose Mourinho saying Man Utd can still finish 4th this season.
Kept a straight face and everything!

A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But,
 she had a Large house
 
However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
 
Unable to separate them; perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
 
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
 
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
 
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
 
"Just worked for me." he replied.

A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But,
 she had a Large house
 
However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
 
Unable to separate them; perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
 
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
 
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
 
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
 
"Just worked for me." he replied.

A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But,
 she had a Large house
 
However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
 
Unable to separate them; perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
 
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
 
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
 
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
 
"Just worked for me." he replied.

A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated. But,
 she had a Large house
 
However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
 
Unable to separate them; perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
 
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
 
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
 
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
 
"Just worked for me." he replied.

Its not Stereo any more its 7.1 surround or maybe even more

I thought it was Les Dawson--Both great comics-unlike me.
This is true though:
There was a  commissionaire at work, renowned for being seriously miserable. As he was the first face customers saw this was not good. Now some of us had been on an interpersonal skills course (reminds me why I like being retired). This came up with a theory that if you smiled at someone they wold be happy and a ripple effect would occur.
Well every day we smiled and said something nice to him. Best we ever got was a grunt or "wheres your pass?" One day it was frosty and I slipped base over apex on the step. Papers everywhere. B*****d smiled then.
 

I thought it was Les Dawson--Both great comics-unlike me.
This is true though:
There was a  commissionaire at work, renowned for being seriously miserable. As he was the first face customers saw this was not good. Now some of us had been on an interpersonal skills course (reminds me why I like being retired). This came up with a theory that if you smiled at someone they wold be happy and a ripple effect would occur.
Well every day we smiled and said something nice to him. Best we ever got was a grunt or "wheres your pass?" One day it was frosty and I slipped base over apex on the step. Papers everywhere. B*****d smiled then.
 

My boss said if I was anymore laid back I'd be countersunk!
My Ma in Law said she was looking forward to dancing on my grave. I said fine I'm being buried at sea.
Anyway she passed away yesterday of suffocation- she forgot to inhale when she was yelling at me.
Define Accident: Mother in law slips into the pool.
Define Tragedy: She can swim.

My car was nicked in a multi story car park---that's wrong on so many levels!

You can ring people with it? I was looking for Button A and Button B. (anyone under 60 won't understand)

Just got back from a holiday in Thailand. I nearly went with one of those ladyboys.
He looked like a woman walked like a woman and kissed like a woman but when he drove me back to his place and backed the car into the garage I thought somethings not right here.

Apologies for the Upper case:
| THIS MAY BE A "Little" DIFFICULT FOR ALL WHO ARE OVER 60 .THOSE YOUNGER
THAN THIS WILL HAVE NO HOPE AT ALL.
DEMENTIA  QUIZ
FIRST QUESTION:

YOU  ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND  PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU  IN?








ANSWER :  IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE  ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND  YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION,  OK?

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL  DOWN)











ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU  ARE.....
  WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW  ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....








DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...


IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE  YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION:MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1.  NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI,  4.. NONO, AND ???     2      WHAT IS THE
NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?








DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!







OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:





A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE  PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES  HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?






IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

Apologies for the Upper case:
| THIS MAY BE A "Little" DIFFICULT FOR ALL WHO ARE OVER 60 .THOSE YOUNGER
THAN THIS WILL HAVE NO HOPE AT ALL.
DEMENTIA  QUIZ
FIRST QUESTION:

YOU  ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE
THE SECOND  PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU  IN?








ANSWER :  IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE  ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE
SECOND PERSON AND  YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!

TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON'T  TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION,  OK?

SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....?
(SCROLL  DOWN)











ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU  ARE.....
  WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??

YOU'RE  NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?

THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.



TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW  ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER.....








DID YOU GET 5000?

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100...


IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR!
TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT?

MAYBE  YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT....  MAYBE...

FOURTH QUESTION:MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS:

1.  NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI,  4.. NONO, AND ???     2      WHAT IS THE
NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?








DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T.
HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN!







OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND,
I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO
REDEEM YOURSELF:





A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH.
BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE
SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE  PURCHASE IS DONE.
NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A
PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES  HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS?






IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT...
DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST!

Ok a reword as suggested: Last time Apple launched something there were these pictures of hundreds of bleary eyed saddos queuing round the block in the middle of the night to be the first to have whatever it was. When interviewed one of them said "well it's good innit, got to have it". He didn't really know what he was buying.
I vowed then never to be like one of them! I have a really good Win PC and a smashing Samsung Android phone. My iPod is not better than the MP3 player in the better half's Ford.

I am fairly comfortable by most standards, but I cannot conceive of spending that much money on a phone. £12/month and £100 for a Galaxy Edge s7, (and I thought long about spending that much). £1400 would buy me a £20 bottles of really good malt, a 60" TV, good hifi, but definitely not waste it on a phone!
But each to his own, let us know how much you enjoy it.

Ok a reword as suggested: Last time Apple launched something there were these pictures of hundreds of bleary eyed saddos queuing round the block in the middle of the night to be the first to have whatever it was. When interviewed one of them said "well it's good innit, got to have it". He didn't really know what he was buying.
I vowed then never to be like one of them! I have a really good Win PC and a smashing Samsung Android phone. My iPod is not better than the MP3 player in the better half's Ford.

Oh I've just seen an ad for the iPhone XS max.....£1499.  For a phone?

Ok a reword as suggested: Last time Apple launched something there were these pictures of hundreds of bleary eyed saddos queuing round the block in the middle of the night to be the first to have whatever it was. When interviewed one of them said "well it's good innit, got to have it". He didn't really know what he was buying.
I vowed then never to be like one of them! I have a really good Win PC and a smashing Samsung Android phone. My iPod is not better than the MP3 player in the better half's Ford.