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Smyth_18

Death - Are you ready?

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My wife passed away in June, 18 months after being diagnosed with cancer. The cancer was incurable from the beginning and when the chemo stopped working, she was told she had 6 weeks - 6 months to live. 2 weeks later she went into hospital with a temperature and after being examined we were told she now only had days. Her condition deteriorated very quickly and she died 5 days later.

 

Even with all the time we had knowing she was dying, we still weren't prepared.

 

We didn't manage everything she wanted to do, but I imagine her only regret will be not seeing our daughter grow up.

 

I agree with others, power of attorney and having a will in place is essential.

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This is a hard thread but I am convinced it’s good to talk and share both feelings and experiences.

i lost my mum a few years back .. she wrote copious notes and thoughts on death funerals and life in general. It’s where I get my verbosity from. Her abiding desire was for it to be quick and while she still had all her physicality and mind. Not to have to linger in a care home with people talking to you as if you were a child when in fact you had been a living breathing, thinking, laughing dreaming, hoping, creative, horny, full on member of the human race. 

She got heavy duty Norovirus and while getting up in the night to change her bed linen, dehydrated, fell down stairs, knocked herself out, kidneys failed following the dehydration and she checked out. .. i’d Spoken to her the day before and she said she’d been sick and was feeling a bit rough but was sure she’d be fine .. probably a dodgy prawn she said. 

Desperately desperately sad that she was alone but happy in a way that she was 100% my mum right to the end and never had her true self taken from her. Miss her every single day 

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2 hours ago, DC-1975 said:

My wife passed away in June, 18 months after being diagnosed with cancer. The cancer was incurable from the beginning and when the chemo stopped working, she was told she had 6 weeks - 6 months to live. 2 weeks later she went into hospital with a temperature and after being examined we were told she now only had days. Her condition deteriorated very quickly and she died 5 days later.

 

Even with all the time we had knowing she was dying, we still weren't prepared.

 

We didn't manage everything she wanted to do, but I imagine her only regret will be not seeing our daughter grow up.

 

I agree with others, power of attorney and having a will in place is essential.

Cant say anything thats right other than i am so sorry for your loss.

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Its a tough subject. I used to be totally scared of the idea. Then i got to thinking what are the odds we are here in the first place?  The odds that sperm meets the egg on that moment. And likewise my grandparents and so on and so on.

That said when i was diagnosed with my blood condition 5 years ago i was misdiagnosed to start with with an illnesses where the average life expectancy from diagnosis is 3-5 years. I did proper poo myself with the thought, more for my family though.

Even my actual condition average life span from diagnosis is 15 years. That would make me 57.

I fully intend to retire when im 55 if im still here. And i fully expect to be.

Im not scared of dying really i am scared of suffering and the upset i know it would cause those close to me.

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In a word No

But for my kids, I’m putting together some taped messages, they will have as keepsake to both remember me by with humour and guide them best I can whilst not being there; mostly though with an underlying theme of enjoy your bloody lives, as it passes very quickly!

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My dad got up one day, had his brekkie, got dressed, felt a bit poorly and died. Just like that in his 70’s. If you love someone you want them to go exactly like that. The shock was awful but he went in the perfect way. 

I work in the NHS and I see illness and imminent death all the time. It gave me an unhealthy focus on my own mortality and I was ruminating about illness and death a lot as I had a major op this year and infections got me. That was very scary. I got some help with the mental issues and have found that thoughts can be controlled which has made me feel happier. I’d urge anyone who feels consumed by those kind of worries to seek help with it, it works. 

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I'm ready - the memsahib is provided for, everything is paid for, browsing history deleted and Derbyshire won today.

Oh, wait - the new beer order from Kurt hasn't arrived yet.

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I'm not planning on going anytime soon, but see it as a bonus that I've made it into my mid fifties and am ready to go when it comes.

My Mam died aged 25 from cancer when I was 14 months old.

One of my brothers was killed when I was 11 and he was 13.

My youngest sister was killed when she was 19 and I was 23.

My stepmam died 25 years ago.

One of my stepsisters died aged 52.

My dad died aged 75 about 7 years ago.

With luck like this, the rest of us take each day as it comes.

 

 

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Don’t sit on the sidelines, let your voice be heard!

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