RamNut Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I have a friend who wonders if others are finding that their wives farts are increasing in severity or frequency. historically these things were as rare as hen's teeth, whereas nowadays it sounds more like a meeting of the Brighouse and Rastrick Appreciation Society or a convention of carpet ripping enthusiasts. Even the sneaky ones are on the incease. Is this due to any known cause involving either cultural change, the outgassing of shallow coal deposits, or a newfound popularity for brass band music? please can anyone advise where to buy rubber bungs of an appropriate diameter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarboroughwa Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Is your friend also in the Dutch oven appreciation society? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Deep breaths and they'll soon be gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dimmu Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 With a title like that, you knew it would start with " I have a friend..." I'd appreciate it more if it started "I have a wife..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashz09 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 5 years been with the missus. When I was younger my friend said his missus farted after a few years never felt the same again as she did it more and more.. My missus hasn't farted only once in the whole relationship and that was because she was laughing! She'll know I'll go straight off her haha she goes to the toilet and puts the tap on for a 'wee'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 4 minutes ago, Ashz09 said: 5 years been with the missus. When I was younger my friend said his missus farted after a few years never felt the same again as she did it more and more.. My missus hasn't farted only once in the whole relationship and that was because she was laughing! She'll know I'll go straight off her haha she goes to the toilet and puts the tap on for a 'wee'. Poor girl. bet she blows the water out the bog having to hold it all in just to please you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mostyn6 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Ramnut, does she drink in the Brunny by any chance? It'll be that real ale that does it. Has me boffing like a trooper if I sample it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashz09 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 15 minutes ago, Boycie said: Poor girl. bet she blows the water out the bog having to hold it all in just to please you! Yeah when I didn't have a house her stomach would rumble and hurt etc as she wouldn't go to the toilet at any one else's house! Now I've got one she's happy for the tap and relief lol. Bet when I'm not there she'll let rip to the max! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Not my wife or ever likely to be but @Leanne can fart with the best of em, you have to leave the bathroom clear for half hour after as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Ram Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 There's a difference between doing it and saying 'excuse me' and doing it with abandon in a competitive nature. Trouble is, I find farting extremely funny. I was in a hotel and as we were lying in bed in the morning enjoying the sounds of the new day in peace and quiet someone somewhere in the establishment farted so loud it was unbelievable. I was helpless laughing, soaked the pillow with my tears, and kept chuckling all day. My other half does not see the funny side. Oh dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LesterRam Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Flatulence is the accumulation of gas in the alimentary canal, its a natural part of life and not considered life threatening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 The Memsahib doesn't fart - ever. On a completely unrelated topic, a foul-smelling nauseous pan-dimensional life-form occasionally crosses into this reality in the vicinity of her - the portal, I believe, is in the general proximity of our bathroom but it has migrated, on occasion, to the left-hand side of our bed. I think it is trying to communicate, because yesterday it made a fearful growling, roaring sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashz09 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 I find after a sunday dinner they smell the worse. My missus is wanting to ban stuffing as that seems to be the route cause. I told her that's the best bit and do one! On another note in the office it seems people hold them in all day.. Every time I go to the loo it's like world war 4 yesterday someone did one so loud it vibrated the floor he started laughing I tried not to as to save his embarrassment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GboroRam Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 18 minutes ago, Ashz09 said: I find after a sunday dinner they smell the worse. My missus is wanting to ban stuffing as that seems to be the route cause. I told her that's the best bit and do one! Sunday dinner after the 10 pinter Saturday night? Yep, definitely the stuffing. My ex brother in law puked in my car one Sunday morning after a night in the pub. Blamed it on a bad tin of peanuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarboroughwa Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Just now, GboroRam said: Sunday dinner after the 10 pinter Saturday night? Yep, definitely the stuffing. My ex brother in law puked in my car one Sunday morning after a night in the pub. Blamed it on a bad tin of peanuts. This never would have happened back in my day when they were in bags... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicME85 Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 My wife makes putrid smells and isnt ashamed of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombo Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 My girlfriend will sit up in bed and angle herself to create maximum noise. We both do it. Have to agree with, @Ewe Ram, farting is hilarious. The lady is banned from eating hummus though. It does some noxious things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 14 hours ago, Mostyn6 said: Ramnut, does she drink in the Brunny by any chance? It'll be that real ale that does it. Has me boffing like a trooper if I sample it. Ooh no. My wer ......my friends wife is a wine sipper.. not one of those bear drinking, hairy, arm wrestling women with tats. Thats just asking for trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 2 hours ago, Tombo said: My girlfriend will sit up in bed and angle herself to create maximum noise. I think it might be time you properly inflate your girlfriend again Tombo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozza Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 8 hours ago, i-Ram said: I think it might be time you properly inflate your girlfriend again Tombo. last one he had farted and flew out the window .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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