1967RAMS

Money means nothing to you. You live with your mum and dad with no responsibilities and Boris paying your wages. Not sure if you have noticed but millions of people are out of work but still have bills and depts piling up. If they want to moan about a multi millionaire owner not giving them the money back they are owed then they are in their rights to do so. You need to grow up and shut up. 

You mean like not letting fans in to games?

Money means nothing to you. You live with your mum and dad with no responsibilities and Boris paying your wages. Not sure if you have noticed but millions of people are out of work but still have bills and depts piling up. If they want to moan about a multi millionaire owner not giving them the money back they are owed then they are in their rights to do so. You need to grow up and shut up. 

At least he could speak the same language as MtW.

Seriously, He would do so much better with these players.
At the very least he would show some passion.

Reminds me of the police squad line. Who are you and how did you get in here?  “I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith” 

Reminds me of the police squad line. Who are you and how did you get in here?  “I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith” 

Are locksmiths key workers?
 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

I met my now wife whilst she was working at twycross zoo. She looked lovely in her uniform, straight away I knew she was a keeper 

My wife said to me, "You weren't even listening were you?"
I  thought, "That's a strange way to start a conversation!"

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? 
 
  These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ... 
  in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had 
  the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. 
 
  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
  WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
  WITNESS: My name is Susan! 
  _______________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
  WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
  WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
  WITNESS: July 18th. 
  ATTORNEY: What year? 
  WITNESS: Every year. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
  WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
  ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
  WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
  _________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
  WITNESS: I forget.. 
  ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
  ____________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 
  WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. 
  ___________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
  WITNESS: Are you pooping me? 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
  WITNESS: Getting laid 
  ____________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 
  WITNESS: Yes. 
  ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
  WITNESS: None. 
  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
  WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
  WITNESS: By death.. 
  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
  WITNESS: Take a guess. 
  ___________________________________________ 
 
  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
  WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 
  ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
  WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
  _____________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
  WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
  ______________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
  WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
  WITNESS: Oral... 
  _________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 
  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
  WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
  ____________________________________________ 
  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
  WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
 
  ______________________________________ 
  And last: 
 
  ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
  WITNESS: No.. 
  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
  WITNESS: No. 
  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
 
 
 

I'm building a new factory to manufacture vibrators
Asked the bank for a business loan and my bank manager questioned whether there was enough demand for my product to warrant a whole factory
I told him - If i build it....they will come

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears.  'Promise me you won't tell me.' 

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
 
 At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. 
 
 When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. 
 
 If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really shag, I'll have nothing left to live for.'