Exactly. Living on the edge of the countryside and being an avid runner/cyclist I've lost count of the times I've had to risk being ran over by going round great piles of s***. Saying that, I dislike horse people in general, stuck up barstewards normally...
I went into a tattoo artists to have the famous welsh railway station inked on my love tool...
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch
he took a look and suggested "Rhyl"
You'll have to hurry. The authorities are closing them down as fast as they can, to save money. Sod the educational value, we've vanity projects to complete.
It irritates the heck out of me when somebody initiates a conversation with me but the whole time they are talking they are messing with their phone. I then respond but they don't even seem to be listening. Or right in the middle they hold up a finger to check an incoming notification or text, just plain rude. From now on, I believe I will just walk away when people do this.
My mother in law passed away yesterday evening, when it's less raw I'll maybe post more on the subject of end of life care, and the frankly shocking way some doctors treated her towards the end.
One thing I will say, the care and support shown by the nursing staff at the hospital, not just to her, but the family has made a difficult time so much easier.
I've heard them called angels many times in the past, but having witnessed the care they provide first hand, it's an appropriate tag.
Truly a credit to the NHS, each and every one of them .
Thanks Mostyn. I tried to "like" your comment but am getting a response telling me I am not permitted to.
Until relatively recently, I had defended my new reporting line, much to the chagrin of my sister who, as a qualified psychologist, 'picked' the agenda far earlier than I did. Ironically, one of the more valid criticisms of me in my professional life (aside from a tendency to overanalyse almost everything and everyone; that doesn't come through in my writing, does it? ?) has been how judgemental I could be of others' behaviour and how cold and calculated I could be when office politics got 'nasty'.
(In my defence, I was NEVER the initiator but - to be blunt about it - it was probably better to have me on your side than against you and, as one of my closest friends said to me once only half-jokingly (two employers ago, after he found himself in a position not dissimilar to that which I have faced recently with a person I had appointed to replace me), "Why did you seem to enjoy it so much?"
It actually disturbed me at the time that he could think that.
Although I was appalled by much of what was being done to me, I could see the discomfort they were feeling in having to do it and actually felt for them. While I would have resigned rather than carry out instructions as (frankly) immoral as those they were presumably given, I was equally appalled on their behalf at the position they had been put in.
But, contrary to my sister's perception of my sympathy for them, I (a) needed to know that I had done literally all I could have done to avoid a 'war' over the entire situation because I knew that a 'war' would probably be career-ending for all involved, and (b) it was an honest offer to find a decent and mutually beneficial way out without undermining my self-interest.
At the risk of sounding almost schizophrenic*, that is an example of how, even when I was genuinely battling depression and serious anxiety over what was happening (there were many days when I sat on my couch - fully clothed and literally ready to leave for work - endlessly trying to think of an excuse to avoid going in until I was late... despite knowing full well that being late for work would bring another (justified this time) barrage, I still had the ability to 'strategize' unemotionally.
I knew that winning them over personally and (even though it turned our reporting lines on its head) leading them to the realisation that they could both keep my skills ultimately to the benefit of their careers AND claim resolution of a very difficult situation that they had not been responsible for creating was really the only chance I had to get a 'win' without a fight. But, while offering them olive branch after olive branch, I was deliberately setting and re-setting the boundaries as a test to prove the patterns of behaviour with ultimately a court case in mind.
As emotional and fatigued and disgusted and, quite honestly, as GUTTED as I was that my career was ending in a manner akin to Hitler's retreat to Berlin**, I was still setting the tripwires, gauging the reactions, and recording the evidence for my Nuremberg.
As I tried to reassure my sister many, many times, she was misinterpreting my attempts to be conciliatory as weakness. If it came to it, I would not hesitate to blow the lot of them up (metaphorically speaking, please note ASIO***) to save myself. They had more than earned it.
She clearly thought the black humour and the bravado ("the biggest advantage I have is that they have no idea who they have taken on") was just a diversion to placate her.
When it became clear to me that trying to find a mutually acceptable way out was simply unfeasible, I thought it had probably been a stupid idea from the start. More importantly, while I knew I hadn't done anything to undermine my case for unfair dismissal, it was probably been too taxing on me mentally.
While I had come to the realisation some time before, the sign that I had probably kept trying to be conciliatory for far too long came in one of our 'performance management meetings' where I learned, usually for the first time, my list of transgressions for the week, tried to respond and / or seek clarification, was ignored or "corrected" in my perspective, and requested the evidence to support her perception. The next morning, the four of us (my boss and I, her boss and my witness) would receive her minutes. I would correct her minutes and return them, initially only where I considered them grossly misleading but later (in sheer frustration and, I now realise, a sign that my ability to cope was beginning to fail) corrected even a slightly misleading account (usually my response to an alleged statement of "fact"), spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
The latter were both petty and deliberately provocative but the former law student in me justified their inclusion as addressing a key accusation, ie my alleged lack of attention to detail. Literally every week, I would remind her that her "minutes did not constitute the evidence for (her) accusations and that (she) had not provided the evidence that I had both requested and to which I was entitled. Indeed, (she) ought to have provided it before the allegation had been discussed as a 'performance management issue'."
When I added "Yet again, I have to remind you of the fundamental principles of the process designed to ensure fairness and accountability. I have copied and pasted it from last email to save some wasted effort as these 'minutes' are clearly intended only to pursue the desired outcome" it was probably the first time I had been anything less than totally civil. My witness, who has been a friend of mine for over 20 years, and I probably should have realised then that I was beginning to 'break'. The next week, after we had gone through a few of my alleged failures that week in the usual way, she raised an issue I had been Intending to confront her on, I literally interrupted her in mid-sentence saying "see, this is a perfect example of why we are wasting our time here". She appeared to ignore me. When she finished, everyone was waiting for me to respond. When I realised they were expecting me to say something, I said (pretty rudely): "Asked and answered. Next."
Apparently I had said it so quietly that no-one had heard me. Even Wayne, my witness, admitted he hadn't heard me (which, I must admit, annoyed me at the time). I then apologised and repeated that I felt my presence for the discussions were completely unnecessary. Wayne told me later that the tirade over the next few minutes was incredibly impressive, that it should have put the fear of God into them should I ever get anywhere near a witness box.
It didn't apparently.
The next day I was accused of missing several deadlines we had not even discussed, of not keeping her fully informed "in accordance with her instructions" (having provided her with an update on a particular matter a few minutes before having a 19-minute (late) lunch break during which the fellow had recalled that she'd told him to send her any of my emails on which I did not cc her and, kindly or stupidly, sent it to her with those words.
Fortuitously for me, she used his email to attack me for not updating her. It self-evidently made no sense. As I was literally stopping myself from responding in an manner which would have warranted instant dismissal, I closed down that email and opened one from her boss; it accused me of lying in my purported corrections of her minutes and threatened me with a "review of my employment status" if I persisted.
My response was a work of art (if I do say so myself). I have no idea where the calmness came from since, truthfully, I felt like crying hysterically or putting my fist through my laptop only moments before (to the extent that several of my colleagues had noticed and were genuinely concerned).
I briefly noted some of the 'issues' to which I had been subjected to on that day alone.
Then, acknowledged his accusation of deceit and pointed out that she had misinterpreted my words simply by juxtaposing what I had actually said with the interpretation she had placed on it and concluded that it was in all of our interests that I depart for the day without commenting further.
That preceded my first bout of stress leave.
At the time, I was relieved on two counts: mainly, that I was out of the maelstrom for a while and finally had a chance just to 'stop'. There's obviously no comparison (and I do not say it to offend; trust me I am not suggesting there is any comparison) but I could suddenly understand to a small degree what it must be like after leaving a war zone.
Secondly, I was fully aware of how close I had been to losing "it". Many times I barely managed to stop myself from reacting. Truthfully, that reaction had a 50-50 chance of being either hysterical or verbally abusive and I have no idea which it would have been had I not succeeded in stopping it.
With the full benefit of hindsight, I am not certain if trying so hard to be conciliatory was the right or wrong thing to do. From a legal standpoint, my solicitor was "over the moon". He has always said it is one of the clearest cases of unfair and unconscionable dismissal he has ever seen (and he is an expert in the field) but it's fair to say he was almost wetting his pants as he reviewed my response to the three-page letter of dismissal and my attached evidence.
As he said, it doesn't just raise questions about my former employers' competence and decency, it gets to the point where you have to query if they border on unhinged.
As he also noted, my deterioration from trying desperately to find a cooperative solution to the brink of snapping point comes through. He's asked my psych to review my daily notes and provide him with a formal opinion. For the first time, he is of the view that compensatory and punitive damages may come in to play. After cautioning me all along that he would be recommending I waive any future claims when they make a settlement offer (there is a maximum amount in Australia for unfair dismissal), he is now persuaded that he might recommend rejecting any settlement offer if a condition is attached to it that I must waive any future cause of action against them.
A major point I think I may have omitted (unbelievable as it may seem, after all of these words): they included in their letter of dismissal that they first had concerns about my performance last September and discussed with me those concerns; they considered placing me on performance management then. I was told this several months ago but assumed the HR expert had confused his dates. It turns out that they DID raise the possibility of subjecting me to performance management even before I returned to my original role (in October) and despite my annual performance assessment raising no issues whatsoever as at 30 September.
Getting to bend them over is no longer even remotely in question Mostyn; they will soon learn that.
As it comes out, I will be surprised if at least two don't lose their jobs, probably three. The HR expert who has been advising them will presumably be safe but he shouldn't be.
The viciousness of their conduct, right down to the precise timing of my dismissal and the pre-emptive decision not to pay my sick leave (which is not an illegal act only because I had not formally raised a work cover claim even though I reserved the right to pursue one), followed by a direct breach of their obligations to pay my severance payment, has opened some doors which we should never have had to consider opening.
My solicitor warned me directly that, if it ends up in court, he will be asking them if they had ever had concerns over my mental state or worried about suicide or self-harm; he now holds the view that, at best, they can argue only reckless indifference to the possibility.
When they presumably answer "of course not, he's mentally incredibly strong", the entire question of their motivation behind this will be open for exploration.
And, depending on the answers, for recompense in a separate cause of action.
I do apologise for, yet again, going into so much detail. I hope those reading this understand this is a 'therapy' of sorts for me, not an attempt to bore you all to death. In some (most!) ways, I would probably prefer no one to read these posts; in other ways, it is 'nice' to hear validation. But, hopefully, those who might gather some insight or hope from it might stumble across it.
Or those like myself who are suffering serious sleep deprivation.
* Another example of how my brain "issue" actually affects me now and where it has stabilised for at least 12 months. As I started the sentence, I knew that my ability to simultaneously be bordering on an emotional breakdown yet still be unemotional and calculating sounds ridiculous, and even sounded like I had multiple personalities. But, for the life of me, I could not summon the word for "multiple personality disorder" to mind. I had to Google it.
** Sorry. Another coping mechanism of mine. I adore history (not Hitler!) and the analogy of me sitting in my bunker going insane while the "enemy" pounds me relentlessly on all fronts - with me fighting for every inch of "territory" (integrity and self-respect) - amuses me. Hopefully, the analogy fails at "delusional" and long before "bullet in temple" or "escape to Argentina dressed in a frock" depending on your view of Hitler's fate.
*** No, really, ASIO. No need to knock my front door down. Deflecting all this bulltish with humour is ultimately the only way I know of not letting it drive me crazy. If I can still "dack" it, laugh it and point out that it has an embarrassingly small wiener then I still own it.
I still control it.
Which means I can tell it when to stop bothering me.
My sister, the qualified psychologist, says that's the biggest load of garbage she's ever heard. That I am just deflecting.
But it works for me because I don't use it to deflect from the issues bothering me. I think them through, work out the aspects over which I have some control or influence, and determine what I must do to deal with those aspects alone.
Then I work out how the residual aspects will affect me and accept that I can only ameliorate or deflect the consequences.
Sound remotely familiar?
Morning chaps,
Just to let you all know I'm doing a lot better. Had a good chat with the Mrs, had a little cry, had a couple of days off and celebrated my lad's birthday as a family. Certainly made me appreciate the little things a lot more, and I'm feeling stronger for it.
Thanks for advice and letting me know I'm not alone in feeling like this from time to time. You're a good bunch...
Try to take it easy on yourself. Remember it's ok, not to be ok.. You are doing great getting back into running, it's not easy to do that when you feel down, but i really think you should keep it up as much as you can. Exercise really is a win/win for mind and body. Like others have said, i think you need to seek medical advice. Psychotherapy can be good, but there is a good chance you need to start medication or alter what you are currently taking. It sounds like your serotonin levels may need stabilizing. That's certainly the case for millions of people all over the world..including myself, and there are medications out there which can do that effectively, to some extent at least. There is no reason why we should allow ourselves to be handicapped everyday by a glitch in our brain chemistry, when it's often very treatable. There are non medical things you can try too like muscle relaxation therapy and meditation for example. There is bound to be something that works for you....don't give up for you and your family. Let us know how you are getting on.
Haha, missed this post Boycie.....yep, the land used to have a rail line running through it, the old line is a nice walk so the council "themed" the gates that keep the motorbikes lads out. The old line ran from Uttoxeter, the next stop was the JCB World Headquarters factory at Rocester, followed by Denstone (near the College), then a couple of hundred yards from Alton Towers and on to Oakamoor through to Macclesfield i believe. Good job they closed it down, they'd be no call for it now!
