PrivateDerby Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Crystal Palace to stay up, aliens tell Bromley woman who 'used to be Joan of Arc' A BROMLEY spiritual healer who claims she used to be Joan of Arc says aliens have told her Crystal Palace will stay in the Premier League. Stephany Cohen is in constant communication with extra terrestrial races, including Grays, Cat People and the half-reptile, half-alien Reptilians. The 52-year-old says the aliens have taken a special interest in Earth, and regularly travel across space from their home in the Canis Major system. And Grays, who have previously passed on advice for Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger, have reassured her that struggling Palace will steer clear of relegation this season. She said: "They are being positive. Pulis has got a very good work ethic. His forte is defensive. "Now what he needs to do is help the team by keeping clean sheets as much as possible between now and May. "They need a good team spirit, a good work ethic and good defensive tactics from the manager. If they stick to that they will stay up. "It will be hard work but it will pay off." Miss Cohen, of Durham Avenue, says the space people have also shown her memories from a previous life, in which she was French folk heroine and Roman Catholic saint Joan of Arc. She told News Shopper: "I asked the spirit to show me. "They showed me being dragged with a great big metal pole. "They were dragging me towards a fire - they were going to burn me. I was absolutely in pieces. "I was really in a panic because I didn't want to feel the fire burning my body. "When I was on the fire I suddenly saw a space open up in my mind. "I walked through the door." As well as finding out about her past, she added that she has also received a glimpse of Britain's future, with London mayor Boris Johnson, brother of Orpington MP Jo, set to lead the country. She said: "They say that he will run for Prime Minister and he will win it. "At first it will seem like a breath of fresh air but his policies will wrangle with the public. "He may be amicable, lovable and intelligent, but that won't do. "People want to see more done for education, the NHS, the elderly, poverty" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonRam Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I tried to read this, I really did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swansea ram Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I gave up half way through as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I was Admiral Nelson and I say Palace will go down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Half human, half reptilian…. well, that's Mikkel Beck for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archram Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I was Admiral Nelson and I say Palace will go down. With all hands on board? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needles Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 What a ******* colossal ****. This **** will be making money off stupid people as well. Makes me want to tie those ******* dreadlocks to a baling machine and turn it on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 With all hands on board? I can't sea them staying up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearam Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 Imagine getting stuck in a lift with her and David Icke! *shudder* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 What a ******* colossal ****. This **** will be making money off stupid people as well. Makes me want to tie those ******* dreadlocks to a baling machine and turn it on. C'mon mate have some sympathy. She used to be Joan of Arc and now she's just a crazy bird with a fondness for Crystal Palace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 I believe every damn word, you heretics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrivateDerby Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Could she be right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McRamFan Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Forest should sign the crack head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 All right, who went and searched for this thread simply because I made reference to it last night in another thread when drunk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyinLiverpool Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 'Half reptile, half alien'. Tee hee. Does that mean that some dirty aliens have been shagging our lizards? And the fruit of their couplings are enjoying all the benefits space travel has to offer? Like in V? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyinLiverpool Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 From sainted hero of the Hundred Years' War to South London crank. Quite a fall from grace with God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrivateDerby Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 All right, who went and searched for this thread simply because I made reference to it last night in another thread when drunk? Honestly didn't see that Was watching football focus they come on and I thought of this! Spoooooooky... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abertawe_ram Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Vampires told me that Derby are gonna beat Forest in the play-off final at Wembley. I called bullshit on them though as everyone knows forest can't get past the semis. Oh yeah, and I'm Spartacus by the way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 I believe her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewetube Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 She's blooming bonkers. Burn the witch (again). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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