Parsnip

DonaldTrump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. 

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." 
DonaldTrump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. 

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. 
"No!" DonaldTrump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." 

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. 
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented DonaldTrump. 

The Devil opened a third door. In it, DonaldTrump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. 

DonaldTrump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." 

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

You're an Audi driver?
This changes things.

Apparently it's a Golden Retriever that we may be fostering. I blame the missus.. ?

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

I thought my girl was bad rolling in foxshit on the park when she was alive.

Ah yes, food. Only thing worth moving for.... 
That's a brilliant story, absolutely pmsl. 

Sounds like he was not a Labrador after all. He was quite possibly that rare breed of Lavrador. ??

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Yep. Unless he got a sniff of something - then he managed to cover 3 miles in 5 seconds and I'd be getting a call from some irate pub chef who's found him in his kitchen, or someone having a family bbq at the other end of the village. (Both real examples).
Once, on a walk he disappeared for 45 mins. I finally caught a glimpse of his fat little arse in the bushes next to where someone had obviously been camping recently. I was worried that he'd eaten whatever rubbish they'd left behind - chicken bones or summat - but the truth was far more sinister. He'd found their toilet. I had to drag the disgusting pig home covered in used toilet paper and stinking of the human excrement that he'd spent the last 45 mins devouring. 
Imagine that.

Pasta best.

My last girlfriend left me because of my obsession of touching pasta.
Feeling cannelloni right now
 

Beautiful creatures.

Same here. Almost a year to the day that he went, and that's exactly how I would describe him, maybe throw in lazy as well. 

Beautiful creatures.

My lab is very sorely missed. The fat, greedy, stubborn, dhead.

My lab is very sorely missed. The fat, greedy, stubborn, dhead.

My lab is very sorely missed. The fat, greedy, stubborn, dhead.

This is where he'll be stationed throughout the winter.

I'll post pics, as and when we get her.

Beautiful creatures.

Might be fostering a labrador soon, due to the ill health of a very poorly friend..