sage

Looks like you've lost weight anorl, shadow of the man i met..

Since my wife left, I have bought a motorbike, took drugs and as I type this I'm in bed with 2 Romanian prostitutes.
She will be furious when she gets home from work.
 

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
 
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.

Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.  You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but...
"Something happened.  I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
 
 
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
 
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
 
"I have," says the man.
 
 
 "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
  
  "We're having granite worktops."

Those exits look like a bottleneck to me...

Those exits look like a bottleneck to me...

Those exits look like a bottleneck to me...

My reply had enough pathos already.
 

My reply had enough pathos already.
 

Tbf having JC at a general election is like bringing a fart to a shiting competition.
.
 

Well, one thing leads to another. 

My reply had enough pathos already.
 

No wonder the country is bankrupt. They already have the windmills. 
 

Mablethorpe?

Mablethorpe?

Falling Foss! Glad you found it. Top place.

Love it!!

In the garden? Sitting outside at the side of the road is best. Laughing at miserable long distance hikers. 

Nice. Try to get to Beck Hole and Falling Foss if you get chance.
 

Ravenscar?

No. I was in the wardrobe.

I have been having 3 or 4 weekends a year there for around 12 years. Mainly in the Jude but occasionally get in the Bookbinders or Harcourt.
 

If you can survive the White Shark Sauce at Peppers you are immortal.
 

I hope you aren't hanging around street corners on the cowley road!! I have done a bit of drinking in the Headington area as well as tourist and student dodging in the city centre. 
My mate lives on Observatory so The Lamb and Flag and Eagle and Child are occasional haunts too.
 

I have been having 3 or 4 weekends a year there for around 12 years. Mainly in the Jude but occasionally get in the Bookbinders or Harcourt.