EssendonRam

On ‎31‎/‎12‎/‎2017 at 01:44, Papahet said:

Got laptop volume up to max and can barely hear a thing. 

Don't ask me to explain why but I use headphones on my laptop and the volume is perfect whereas I can barely hear it on the normal speakers on my laptop, phone and my iPad.

I just assumed it was because I'm partly deaf.

On 12/19/2017 at 03:01, Spanish said:

the app has been downloaded less than 500 times I think, perhaps someone can check 

Really?

I've downloaded it on to four different devices.

Not sure if this is the thread for this but, in case any Australian or New Zealand Derby fans are unaware, it seems the Australia-NZ broadcast rights issue has been resolved.

EFL Championship match telecasts returned to Bein Sports this morning which means they're available on the Bein channels re-broadcast on Foxtel. As far as I am aware, there's been no announcement by either Bein or Fox Sport. The matches on Friday night and Saturday (UK time) just appeared in the schedule on earlier this week.

Potential crisis for the Derby-Forest game averted....

On 13/08/2017 at 14:35, RamO said:

I also want to say that it was brilliant that I was able to flick between Rams TV audio and Radio Derby audio, both whilst continuing to watch the match, simply by muting whichever I didn't want to listen to at that  a time. I was even able to sync them so that I could watch the match and listen to RD at the same time. I hope that the club doesn't take this facility away. So if the powers that be are reading this - please don't take this facility away! Apart from the initial technical issue, the service is as good as I could have imagined. Even when I couldnt get the visuals, RD was reliably there and good as a backup. 

May I ask how you have done this?

I've only managed to do it once the app became available by logging in twice; once in the app and once directly via the website. It doesn't seem to recognise the duplicate log in when I do that but it did if I tried to log in twice on the website.

I have always preferred to listen to the RD commentary even when we're televised.

3 hours ago, A Ram for All Seasons said:

Stream suddenly died right at the end in the last minute

So did mine...but I'm surprised the power failure at my house (literally only just come back on) affected your stream too

6 minutes ago, Ram_in_Perth said:

So glad I stayed up late to piss around with my laptop for an hour trying to get this to work!

Late? It started at 10pm in Perth!

Seriously though, let's all  give it a few weeks to sort itself out....It's only  managers we start whining about - and calling for changes -in the first few weeks...

3 minutes ago, SaintRam said:

 

Not that I've proven this, as there hasn't been a league game to watch yet but as far as I'm aware you can buy the subscription from anywhere...

Sky owns the rights on showing games in the UK. What matters is where you are at the time that you're trying to watch the game. 

If there are Derby fans on the south coast, for example. they could take day trips to France every weekend and watch the games. 

Don't worry mate. I'm the one who is confused about what he signed up for...

33 minutes ago, richinspain said:

@SaintRam said that he had bought the tv package because he does travel around a lot, but that he lives in Derby. So you can buy the product anywhere, but should only be able to use when outside of the UK. Unless of course he was out of the country when he bought it.

Or out of his mind when he thinks he bought it

18 hours ago, richinspain said:

The goal posts do seem to have been moving a bit just lately. I wonder if the club were trying to make as much live football as possible available to as many people as possible but the league have pulled the plug on some of it? Not suggesting that the club has tried to dupe us, but that they haven't been allowed to go as far as they wanted.

I agree...plus there is the fact that it is brand new to them and us.

Just the confusion over the broadcast rights in Australia (and some other country mentioned in our Constitution) alone suggests there's a learning curve going on. 

2 minutes ago, A Ram for All Seasons said:

Anbody else having issues with Firefox? I have no video and no audio.

Works perfectly with Microsoft Edge and on my mobile.

 

Yes. Couldn't get live stream up on Firefox if that is what you mean? It kept reverting to the pre match show. Like you, I tried it in MS Edge and it worked fine.

11 minutes ago, richinspain said:

After going through the rams tv thread I found this. Clearly states Carabau cup games. So when did the change occur?

 

Thanks for digging this up. I can easily see how I might have missed the footnote when I read this in the thread. I shouldn't have given my legal background but I did read this in here.

12 hours ago, RamO said:

Your story seems similar to mine. I'm extremely surprised that the rights don't seem to have been awarded in Australia and NZ yet. It's money for old rope, given (as I assume) the large amount of EFL followers down under. I can only assume mass incompetence at some level behind the scenes. I've tried to get more info and have contacted both Beinsports and the EFL directly. But I've had no response from the latter and the former just gave vague answers about the rights not being announced. 

I managed to watch the match the other day by signing up to Bet365 and depositing $10 into my bet account. I managed to get a pop-out screen large enough to fill most of my computer screen. Worked out ok, but I'd prefer not to have signed up for this. It made be very uncomfortable signing up to a betting site and there were several enticements to get me to put down a bet. I refuse to bet - it's dangerous, especially for somebody with an addictive personality. But needs must. I think I will be able to watch most Sky matches this way and I'd recommend giving it a go (with caution). 

Thank you for that. Being the son of a problem gambler, I too would be reluctant to register with Bet365...but I will! (If those are the words they put on my grave, could you at least put a reasonable bouquet to make amends? Just kidding.

After last year's schemozzle with the EPL, you'd think the FL would have prioritised the Australia/NZ market. I know of several mates who started paying more attention to the Championship since they couldn't watch live Premiership matches. Perhaps (and it was what I was alluding to when I said it might not be the league's fault) there is a bidding war going on? The issue might be between Foxtel and ESPN because I could've sworn ESPN3 used to available on my Foxtel service. Wasn't it the channel the FA Cup was telecast on last season?

Either way, you'd think that Rams TV and the like should be able to broadcast matches which aren't being broadcast since that's the reason they can't carry them now...wouldn't you? Or is that too simplistic?

7 hours ago, David said:

The club are under the EFL broadcasting contract which prevents them from streaming televised games, it's the same with the EFL's own iFollow service. This has never been hidden in the small print by the club, always been mentioned.

I know it's not actually televised in Australia but the rights are sold over there still, maybe the EFL will look into individual country exclusion if the contract allows it, don't know, but Derby won't be able to unless the EFL move first.

https://www.efl.com/broadcast-schedule/

 

I could have sworn I just said that Dave.

Obviously the failure to award the broadcasting rights in Australia and NZ for the EFL is a league issue, not a Derby issue. It might not even be the league's "fault" as such.

And congrats on being so aware of the situation. It might shock you but it takes a little more proactive effort in Australia to clarify the situation with the EFL rights in Australia than it does when you live in Derby.

When I subscribed to Rams TV, the "headline" content said "all games". I didn't read the FAQs or the finer print; I didn't complain about that although I'd argue that an alternate form of wording would've alerted me to the situation.

At the end of the day, I would still have purchased Rams TV; presumably I would have learned that I'd be listening to the RD service - as I have for years - for the first game. The only difference for me is that I now actively hope for Derby NOT to be on Sky instead of the other way around because I get to watch us live....hence the allusion (intended to be wry) to the Forest game. 

If it's not dealt with before then, it could be the first time in quite a few years that I have not watched a Derby-Forest match live (although, if a few things fall into place in the next few weeks, I might even be in England and scrounging for tickets on October 12).

I was only trying to inform others as I worked what was going on. No one accused the club of setting out to mislead so I'm sorry if you or anyone else felt that was the implication.

Just so you understand, I was first alerted to the non-telecast of the match at about 4am by a fellow Derby fan (insomnia can be a good thing on occasion). Had I read his message properly, I would have realised the implications for Foxtel, our pay TV service that carries both Bein and ESPN...but I didn't. I was trying to find a stream for him thinking I had it on Foxtel anyway...only to sit down at 4.35am-ish to realise that ESPN1 and 2 are carried by Foxtel, not ESPN3, which google told me (and others) had the broadcast rights.

Foxtel's site told me that I could access ESPN3 and the EFL matches online if I registered online (free because it's part of my existing subscription).

My registration failed because I access Foxtel through my telco. My telco had to discuss with Foxtel how I could register; once resolved (Monday), purely because I learn eventually to double-check when I can't see the EFL on the ESPN3 menu, I re-googled the situation.

The situation has been updated via an article halfway down the second page of a google search that ESPN3 has the rights for everywhere other than Australia and NZ. No decision has yet been made about Australia/NZ rights and no timeframe is available.

Sorry about the level of detail.

I'm not so deluded to think that anyone is especially interested in what I do at 4am but to illustrate that you might have known what was going on but an interested, reasonably intelligent Derby fan the world away didn't.

Nor, I'll wager, did most like me. 

Now...if anyone can let me know where I can get a voodoo doll for Sky Sports to use if they're considering telecasting Derby matches until this is resolved, I'd be appreciative.

 

PS: All those who bag Craig Ramage on RD...tell me you don't want to ban him from taking holidays after his fill-in?

18 hours ago, EssendonRam said:

A bit of a correction just so that no-one else is misled. When we're the televised game, Rams TV will only provide audio commentary from RD. I won't pretend that I wasn't a bit miffed by this as the package was quite clear...as is the paragraph in the FAQs which correctly summarises the position. When another Australian Derby fan alerted me to this, he also mentioned that Bein Sport too had lost Championship rights...so I had gone from a choice of two sources to watch the match at Sunderland to none...about 30 minutes before kick off.

Apparently ESPN3 has broadcast rights (in Australia at least) so trying to work out how one gets access to that...

A further correction: it seems ESPN3 (now called WatchESPN) has the broadcast rights everywhere outside the UK and Ireland bar Australia and NZ, and the rights for Australia and NZ have yet to be awarded.

So the broadcast matches on Sky involving Derby aren't permitted on Rams TV anywhere in the world, but nor  can they be legitimately accessed at all here in Australia/NZ. All I am going to say is it had better be fixed before October 12 (I think it is).

On 8/3/2017 at 06:57, EssendonRam said:

Melbourne. Signed up a week or so ago.

Was always going to, so much so that I didn't even read the package details. First thought when I saw the GBP110 price was "What? Why so much more expensive than Rams Player?" And started to subscribe monthly....Then I remembered someone on here saying all games would be streamed for overseas subscribers....

Checked what you get: full, live streaming of all Derby matches, plus the choice of the in-house or Radio Derby commentary. Sold! Well worth every cent....errr...every...errr...what does "p" stand for again?

A bit of a correction just so that no-one else is misled. When we're the televised game, Rams TV will only provide audio commentary from RD. I won't pretend that I wasn't a bit miffed by this as the package was quite clear...as is the paragraph in the FAQs which correctly summarises the position. When another Australian Derby fan alerted me to this, he also mentioned that Bein Sport too had lost Championship rights...so I had gone from a choice of two sources to watch the match at Sunderland to none...about 30 minutes before kick off.

Apparently ESPN3 has broadcast rights (in Australia at least) so trying to work out how one gets access to that...

2 hours ago, Paul71 said:

Yes it would sort of defeat the object a a paid subscription scheme for overseas viewers if they subsequently showed them free

 

And, look at it this way, we finally get to contribute directly to Derby without contributing at least as much to Royal Mail (club shop) or whoever was the provider of Rams Player.was....

Now if we can just get Sky to b*gger off....4.45AM on Saturday morning is not an ideal time for the season to start....

Melbourne. Signed up a week or so ago.

Was always going to, so much so that I didn't even read the package details. First thought when I saw the GBP110 price was "What? Why so much more expensive than Rams Player?" And started to subscribe monthly....Then I remembered someone on here saying all games would be streamed for overseas subscribers....

Checked what you get: full, live streaming of all Derby matches, plus the choice of the in-house or Radio Derby commentary. Sold! Well worth every cent....errr...every...errr...what does "p" stand for again?

8 hours ago, Tony Le Mesmer said:

Exactly my position Inglorious. I am high functioning and diagnosed recently although I've managed to live a reasonably 'normal' life up to now having a partner and kid who aren't on the spectrum. I find I have a tendency to think that whatever I think or say then i'm right and everyone else is wrong but i'm learning to accept that others have other opinions that are equally as valid. I also have a strong desire to see people who commit the most innocuous of 'crimes' such as parking in a disabled bay when they aren't disabled told about it and punished. It's just something that drives me. If it's wrong then it's wrong and often with the unfathomable behaviour of many other people, day to day life is tricky as i'm always getting annoyed at people who don't do the right thing and I've been in scuffles and arguments about this with strangers many times.

At times you do feel like you don't belong on earth and you are a complete different species and something that makes perfect sense to you doesn't seem so clear cut to others not on the spectrum and it is frustrating. I don't avoid human contact but I do prefer either people who pretty much think and act like me or people who basically just don't annoy me. I'm pretty judgemental which means I haven't really made as many close friends as I could have over my 20 years of working. If someone is into enough stuff that I find trivial then I cannot get past pleasantries. It's tough but learning all the time.

Chin up mate. Just gotta keep plodding along with it, managing and trying to push yourself as much as you can.

A really terrific, practical description. Thank you.

You have me wondering about myself now!

On 9 September 2016 at 01:52, LesterRam said:

yes my missus is the same mate, she started confident and full of life and now takes 8 sleeping pills to nod off.

Geez-us!

I hope she is seeing someone about that.

12 hours ago, Mostyn6 said:

I did read all of that @RamDon but  decided not to quote you. 

I hate bullies and i hate judgemental sections in the workplace whose directive is to clearly find negative in people. 

Hope you get chance to bend them over mate. Sad thing that a junior manager appears to have been promoted with a proviso of getting you out.  Her career could also be ruined for selling her soul, assuming you hurt them. 

Keep us updated, more importantly, keep on top of yourself mate x

Thanks Mostyn. I tried to "like" your comment but am getting a response telling me I am not permitted to.

Until relatively recently, I had defended my new reporting line, much to the chagrin of my sister who, as a qualified psychologist, 'picked' the agenda far earlier than I did. Ironically, one of the more valid criticisms of me in my professional life (aside from a tendency to overanalyse  almost everything and  everyone; that doesn't come through in my writing, does it? ?) has been how judgemental I could be of others' behaviour and how cold and calculated I could be when office politics got 'nasty'.

(In my defence, I was NEVER the initiator but - to be blunt about it - it was probably better to have me on your side than against you and, as one of my closest friends said to me once only half-jokingly (two employers ago, after he found himself in a position not dissimilar to that which I have faced recently with a person I had appointed to replace me), "Why did you seem to enjoy it so much?" 

It actually disturbed me at the time that he could think that.

Although I was appalled by much of what was being done to me, I could see the discomfort they were feeling in having to do it and actually felt for them. While I would have resigned rather than carry out instructions as (frankly) immoral as those they were presumably given, I was equally appalled on their behalf at the position they had been put in.

But, contrary to my sister's perception of my sympathy for them, I (a) needed to know that I had done literally all I could have done to avoid a 'war' over the entire situation because I knew that a 'war' would probably be career-ending for all involved, and (b) it was an honest offer to find a decent and mutually beneficial way out without undermining my self-interest.

At the risk of sounding almost schizophrenic*, that is an example of how, even when I was genuinely battling depression and serious anxiety over what was happening (there were many days when I sat on my couch - fully clothed and literally ready to leave for work - endlessly trying to think of an excuse to avoid going in until I was late... despite knowing full well that being late for work would bring another (justified this time) barrage, I still had the ability to 'strategize' unemotionally.

I knew that winning them over personally and (even though it turned our reporting lines on its head) leading them to the realisation that they could both keep my skills ultimately to the benefit of their careers AND claim resolution of a very difficult situation that they had not been responsible for creating was really the only chance I had to get a 'win' without a fight. But, while offering them olive branch after olive branch, I was deliberately setting and re-setting the boundaries as a test to prove the patterns of behaviour with ultimately a court case in mind.

As emotional and fatigued and disgusted and, quite honestly, as GUTTED as I was that my career was ending in a manner akin to Hitler's retreat to Berlin**, I was still setting the tripwires, gauging the reactions, and recording the evidence for my Nuremberg.

As I tried to reassure my sister many, many times, she was misinterpreting my attempts to be conciliatory as weakness. If it came to it, I would not hesitate to blow the lot of them up (metaphorically speaking, please note ASIO***) to save myself. They had more than earned it.

She clearly thought the black humour and the bravado ("the biggest advantage I have is that they have  no idea who they have taken on") was just a diversion to placate her.

When it became clear to me that trying to find a mutually acceptable way out was simply unfeasible, I thought it had probably been a stupid idea from the start. More importantly, while I knew I hadn't  done anything to undermine my case for unfair dismissal, it was probably been too taxing on me mentally.

While I had come to the realisation some time before, the sign that I had probably kept trying to be conciliatory for far too long came in one of our 'performance management meetings' where I learned, usually for the first time, my list of transgressions for the week, tried to respond and / or seek clarification, was ignored or "corrected" in my perspective, and requested the evidence to support her perception. The next morning, the four of us (my boss and I, her boss and my witness) would receive her minutes. I would correct her minutes and return them, initially only where I considered them grossly misleading but later (in sheer frustration and, I now realise, a sign that my ability to cope was beginning to fail) corrected even a slightly misleading account (usually my response to an alleged statement of "fact"), spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

The latter were both petty and deliberately provocative but the former law student in me justified their inclusion as addressing a key accusation, ie my alleged lack of attention to detail. Literally every week, I would remind her that her "minutes did not constitute the evidence for (her) accusations and that (she) had not provided the evidence that I had both requested and to which I was entitled. Indeed, (she) ought to have provided it before the allegation had been discussed as a 'performance management issue'."

When I added "Yet again, I have to remind you of the fundamental principles of the process designed to ensure fairness and accountability. I have copied and pasted it from last email to save some wasted effort as these 'minutes' are clearly intended only to pursue the desired outcome" it was probably the first time I had been anything less than totally civil. My witness, who has been a friend of mine for over 20 years, and I probably should have realised then that I was beginning to 'break'. The next week, after we had gone through a few of my alleged failures that week in the usual way, she raised an issue I had been Intending to confront her on, I literally interrupted her in mid-sentence saying "see, this is a perfect example of why we are wasting our time here". She appeared to ignore me. When she finished, everyone was waiting for me to respond. When I realised they were expecting me to say something, I said (pretty rudely): "Asked and answered. Next."

Apparently I had said it so quietly that no-one had heard me. Even Wayne, my witness, admitted he hadn't heard me (which, I must admit, annoyed me at the time). I then apologised and repeated that I felt my presence for the discussions were completely unnecessary. Wayne told me later that the tirade over the next few minutes was incredibly impressive, that it should have put the fear of God into them should I ever get anywhere near a witness box.

It didn't apparently.

The next day I was accused of missing several deadlines we had not even discussed, of not keeping her fully informed "in accordance with her instructions" (having provided her with an update on a particular matter a few minutes before having a 19-minute (late) lunch break during which the fellow had recalled that she'd told him to send her any of my emails on which I did not cc her and, kindly or stupidly, sent it to her with those words.

Fortuitously for me, she used his email to attack me for not updating her. It self-evidently made no sense. As I was literally stopping myself from responding in an manner which would have warranted instant dismissal, I closed down that email and opened one from her boss; it accused me of lying in my purported corrections of her minutes and threatened me with a "review of my employment status" if I persisted.

My response was a work of art (if I do say so myself). I have no idea where the calmness came from since, truthfully, I felt like crying hysterically or putting my fist through my laptop only moments before (to the extent that several of my colleagues had noticed and were genuinely concerned).

I briefly noted some of the 'issues' to which I had been subjected to on that day alone.

Then, acknowledged his accusation of deceit and pointed out that she had misinterpreted my words simply by juxtaposing what I had actually said with the interpretation she had placed on it and concluded that it was in all of our interests that I depart for the day without commenting further.

That preceded my first bout of stress leave.

At the time, I was relieved on two counts: mainly, that I was out of the maelstrom for a while and finally had a chance just to 'stop'. There's obviously no comparison (and I do not say it to offend; trust me I am not suggesting there is any comparison) but I could suddenly understand to a small degree what it must be like after leaving a war zone.

Secondly, I was fully aware of how close I had been to losing "it". Many times I barely managed to stop myself from reacting. Truthfully, that reaction had a 50-50 chance of being either hysterical or verbally abusive and I have no idea which it would have been had I not succeeded in stopping it.

With the full benefit of hindsight, I am not certain if trying so hard to be conciliatory was the right or wrong thing to do. From a legal standpoint, my solicitor was "over the moon". He has always said it is one of the clearest cases of unfair and unconscionable dismissal he has ever seen (and he is an expert in the field) but it's fair to say he was almost wetting his pants as he reviewed my response to the three-page letter of dismissal and my attached evidence.

As he said, it doesn't just raise questions about my former employers' competence and decency, it gets to the point where you have to query if they border on unhinged.

As he also noted, my deterioration from trying desperately to find a cooperative solution to the brink of snapping point comes through. He's asked my psych to review my daily notes and provide him with a formal opinion. For the first time, he is of the view that compensatory and punitive damages may come in to play. After cautioning me all along that he would be recommending I waive any future claims when they make a settlement offer (there is a maximum amount in Australia for unfair dismissal), he is now persuaded that he might recommend rejecting any settlement offer if a condition is attached to it that I must waive any future cause of action against them.

A major point I think I may have omitted (unbelievable as it may seem, after all of these words): they included in their letter of dismissal that they first had concerns about my performance last September and discussed with me those concerns; they considered placing me on performance management then. I was told this several months ago but assumed the HR expert had confused his dates. It turns out that they DID raise the possibility of subjecting me to performance management even before I returned to my original role (in October) and despite my annual performance assessment raising no issues whatsoever as at 30 September.

Getting to bend them over is no longer even remotely in question Mostyn; they will soon learn that.

As it comes out, I will be surprised if at least two don't lose their jobs, probably three. The HR expert who has been advising them will presumably be safe but he shouldn't be.

The viciousness of their conduct, right down to the precise timing of my dismissal and the pre-emptive decision not to pay my sick leave (which is not an illegal act only because I had not formally raised a  work cover claim even though I reserved the right to pursue one), followed by a direct breach of their obligations to pay my severance payment, has opened some doors which we should never have had to consider opening.

My solicitor warned me directly that, if it ends up in court, he will be asking them if they had ever had concerns over my mental state or worried about suicide or self-harm; he now holds the view that, at best, they can argue only reckless indifference to the possibility.

When they presumably answer "of course not, he's mentally incredibly strong", the entire question of their motivation behind this will be open for exploration. 

And, depending on the answers, for recompense in a separate cause of action.

 

I do apologise for, yet again, going into so much detail. I hope those reading this understand this is a 'therapy' of sorts for me, not an attempt to bore you all to death. In some (most!) ways, I would probably prefer no one to read these posts; in other ways, it is 'nice' to hear validation. But, hopefully, those who might gather some insight or hope from it might stumble across it.

Or those like myself who are suffering serious sleep deprivation.

 

* Another example of how my brain "issue" actually affects me now and where it has stabilised for at least 12 months. As I started the sentence, I knew that my ability to simultaneously be bordering on an emotional breakdown yet still be unemotional and calculating sounds ridiculous, and even sounded like I had multiple personalities. But, for the life of me, I could not summon the word for "multiple personality disorder" to mind. I had to Google it.

** Sorry. Another coping mechanism of mine. I adore history (not Hitler!) and the analogy of me sitting in my bunker going insane while the "enemy" pounds me relentlessly on all fronts - with me fighting for every inch of "territory" (integrity and self-respect) - amuses me. Hopefully, the analogy fails at "delusional" and long before "bullet in temple" or "escape to Argentina dressed in a frock" depending on your view of Hitler's fate.

*** No, really, ASIO. No need to knock my front door down. Deflecting all this bulltish with humour is ultimately the only way I know of not letting it drive me crazy. If I can still "dack" it, laugh it and point out that it has an embarrassingly small wiener then I still own it.

I still control it.

Which means I can tell it when to stop bothering me.

My sister, the qualified psychologist, says that's the biggest load of garbage she's ever heard. That I am just deflecting.

But it works for me because I don't use it to deflect from the issues bothering me. I think them through, work out the aspects over which I have some control or influence, and determine what I must do to deal with those aspects alone.

Then I work out how the residual aspects will affect me and accept that I can only ameliorate or deflect the consequences.

Sound remotely familiar?

 

 

 

 

On 20 April 2016 at 07:59, RamDon said:

My entire family (both parents; older sister and younger brother), excluding myself until last year, suffer seriously from depression. I was always aware that I too had a tendency towards depression but seemed to possess an innate ability to redirect my mind towards thoughts and/or activities which averted falling into a depressive state.

Even when a close mate died of a drug overdose after years where I was the only person who remained to support him through many attempts to get, and stay, 'clean'; even after his family denied him a funeral because they didn't want anyone to know he'd been a drug addict, I sought counselling and worked with families of addicts for years afterward by way of 'processing' all that happened.

But that changed just over 12 months ago when the brain damage I had so miraculously avoided when I 'died' of a pulmonary embolism on 31/10/2007 (I was clinically dead for 45 minutes apparently, then comatose for almost a month) was diagnosed as beginning to happen. Essentially, the diagnosis was that I would likely have all of the symptoms of Alzheimer's within 5-10 years; it's fair to say that I have always been proud of my intellect and strength of mind and the diagnosis struck directly at both. I couldn't divulge the diagnosis to my family and told only a couple of my closest friends. Not long after, the family learned that my father had been gambling once again. The combination hit me badly. I called in sick to work for the week that Sunday night as I could feel - for the first time in my life - a physical weight descend around me, crushing me. I know now it was my first - and only - episode with clinical depression; in a way, I knew it then.

Later that night (I have only admitted this to one person, a mate of 20 years + who had battled clinical depression for several years), I literally started trying to think if I should end it all.

The only thing which snapped me out of the downward spiral was my dog. After spending quite some time with him (saying 'goodbye' I suppose), Ned (very unusually) disobeyed my instruction to go outside and I went ballistic at him.

Ned was terrified, the first time he'd ever cowed in front of me. Having been an abused dog when I adopted him (in April 2007) who'd become confident to the point where few could imagine he'd been a scared, abused little dog when I adopted him, that cut me to the bone. It penetrated the 'fog' around my psyche; all I really immediately understood was that his last memory of me be frightening.

I spent the rest of that night just holding Ned, trying to make it up to him and sought help the next day.

But, had he not defied me and then responded with such obvious terror of me, I honestly don't know what would have stopped me doing something stupid that night. I have no idea what would have happened to be honest; intuitively, I believe I would have found something to cling on to. That, perhaps, is convenient revisionism; all I truly understand is that, for the first time in my life, I was literally careering out of control. 

Now having experienced it, I am strong again. Work has been tortuous in recent months (they've actually tried to use my future disability against me) and, if I was as vulnerable now as I was then, the outcome of recent months may not have been pretty. But I'm not. I am strong again and no one other than myself can undermine me mentally again. My sister and several close friends have proved whom I can lean on when, and if, I need it.

 

On 20 April 2016 at 10:03, RamDon said:

 

Thank you. But, as I said, having experienced it and learned the (in hindsight) obvious lesson that no-one is an island and no-one should try to take everything on...no matter how strong you think your willpower is...eventually, should the breaks go against you, the load can break you.

No matter who you think you are.

More importantly, the fact is that I am extremely fortunate. I have people on whom I can rely and, for various reasons, chose not to. In my family I have always been the strong one, even as a kid so I chose to 'protect' them. Stupidly, I forgot the strength of character my sister in particular rises to when she needs to. She more than anyone else did so when I 'died' back in 2007 and she's done so once again.

As for Ned, I used to joke that he was a jinx. His previous owner was a 30ish yo bloke who suffered a stroke and never recovered. Within 6 months of adopting him, I died from my first serious illness.

But no-one should ever doubt how powerful the restorative powers of pets. As with people, sometimes you just have to let them look after you.

As for my diagnosis, it's not an act when I say I have always seen every day as a bonus since I awoke from the coma on the Thursday before the West Ham game at Pride Park. That season was a greater trauma than anything else I suffered that year!

But it certainly explains why I feel a sense of urgency in wanting to see both of my sporting loves, Derby and Essendon in the AFL, back up there while I can still remember it!

I have been thinking an update is in order but have held off to be honest because I suppose I have been trying to understand why I feeling like I should...and why I have hesitated. I am still not clear in my own mind on the former but the reasons for hesitation are relatively straightforward.

Simply, first and foremost, despite the "life lessons" I have learned in recent years, I am still fundamentally an extreme introvert (albeit with some extrovert tendencies for those familiar with Myers-Briggs personality profiles) although, let's face it, the relative anonymity of the Internet can be both of great assistance in that regard but also it can deceptive (openness in a relatively anonymous forum can FEEL like you're unburdening yourself - and may indeed suffice for many in terms of talking through what is troubling them - when, deep down, it doesn't actually help with the crippling sense of isolation.

One of the things that I had to confront about myself over recent years is what lay behind what I have always called my "wounded bird syndrome", and yet (despite being very open about many things when I chose to be) always being reluctant to allow those close to me to "rescue" me when they could see I needed it (although I am very skilled at hiding my vulnerabilities). In those times when I concluded that I needed a hand, I would hire a counsellor, etc without hesitation but rarely open up EMOTIONALLY (as opposed to analytically) to my family and friends.

Having been called out for doing it in recent years by some people who are very important to me, it is something I am gradually trying to change although I have to admit that I struggle at times with the manner in which it can disrupt my (perfectly healthy) periods of introversion. But it is a learning curve for all involved.

All of this boils down to a lesson I had to learn and, through the discourse on this thread, a lesson some others may (or may not) need to learn too. Self-reliance, stoicism, introversion, etc are neither good, nor bad, of themselves. Quite frankly, they're all 'Goldilocks' traits; an over-abundance or over-reliance on these traits will potentially close you to 'solutions' and harm you down the track, just as much as relying too much on others (and failing to build on YOUR resilience).

In another thread, someone very kindly described me as selfless. Now, in some ways I am; in other ways, I am very self-centred and self-absorbed and they are aspects of myself that I have always been keenly aware of (and not even slightly embarrassed by).

But, until recently, I would have objected if someone called me selfish, for I am anything but selfish in almost every way imaginable. As I have been dealing with some particularly venal times at work - to the extent that the constant conflict really started to impact me, my personality and my outlook. As I am wont to do, I talked about what was happening with several people to whom I am very close.

As two in particular saw how it was affecting me, they each (independently) accused me of only trusting them "so much". I had something of an epiphany even though I had always "known" it about myself but not quite "understood" its impact either on me or others.

i am selfish in many ways. Not financially. Not in terms of time or care for others or willingness to help. Not with my personal history. 

Not even emotionally. As long as they were someone else's emotions.

I am even often open about my feelings, my emotions. When. I. Choose. To. Be. I will tell you all about them. I would never show them however; let alone share them.

It is only in recent months that I have genuinely shared how deeply affected I have been by events outside my control, although not entirely outside my sphere of influence. And genuinely benefited from being able to lean on others when I needed to although, given the personalities of two in particular, I still find it grating that they "need" to review everything when I am calm and enjoying relaxing and not thinking about it. 

 

So...my update ?

To start with the (interim) conclusion :

i have recently been sacked. Quite unfairly. Entirely under false pretences for which I have launched legal action for redress.

My now former employer sacked me via email at 4.07pm on 27 May. Three ethical (not legal) no-nos right there: (a) the disrespect inherent in dismissing an employee of 5+ years standing via email without even a call (let alone face-to-face) to alert me. As it happened, I was accessing my email at 4.24pm to send my employer one reminding them of an undertaking they had failed to fulfil; (b) to do so in the late afternoon without forewarning, let alone without alerting support services in case the sackee reacts poorly to the news; and (c) 27 May was a Friday. They sacked me without warning an hour before the weekend was about to commence, rendering support services unavailable until Monday.

Fortunately, my immediate reaction was relief. But they were not to know that and that conduct, particularly as they know I have suffered from depression and indeed had been absent from work due to work-induced stress, is either vindictive and/or careless and disgracefully irresponsible.

Their premise for my dismissal is twofold: that I failed to follow their lawful directives in that (a) I failed to attend an appointment with an 'independent' neurologist; and (b) I had not provided them with certificates for my mist recent bout of sick leave.

Neither is correct; I had been on sick leave from 18/3 to 6/4 and again from 21/4 until 27/5. I returned to work against the advice of my doctor on 7/4 because my employer exercised their discretion not to pay my sick leave on the day my automatic entitlement ran out; a highly unusual decision to say the least particularly when they are aware that I had claimed it was due to work-induced stress.

That stress had been building for several months. I completed an almost three-year secondment within the company and was due to return to my previous role. The boss of my previous team had previously tried to have my bonus removed a few years before on spurious grounds; grounds I easily disproved. 

I formally returned to my previous role on 29 September although continued in my seconded role for most of two weeks after that as well. I decided to be upfront with her about my diagnosis and the manner in which it barely affects me. Its most noticeable impact is the manner the meds disrupts my sleep especially on weekends when I take substantially larger doses. As a result, I had informally starting late on Mondays. She offered to formalise them but said there were bureaucratic requirements to fulfil.

It turned out to be a set up. They employed a 'return to work' consultant whose qualification was as a physiotherapist even though I hadn't been absent in almost two years. During the meeting, it became obvious what the physiotherapist's brief actually was so I started outlining why questions seemed to have an odd focus. In the end, he became so frustrated with answers like "I was working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week for well over a year until just over a month ago" to the question "do you find it too hard to keep your energy up for a full 8 hour day?" and looked at my boss in exasperation as if to say "you didn't tell me this."

At that point, she exploded and yelled that she didn't believe I could keep working full time". I was stunned, this was the first indication I had had of such an agenda and responded only with "that's a rather large call to make after knowing me for 6 weeks".

It then became clear that her purpose was to remove me. After a restructure, I inherited a new boss in her 20s or early 30s and in her first leadership role. I had instructed my previous boss not to discuss my diagnosis with my new boss at least until I had explained it to her. I still have no idea what the b*tch actually said to her but she breached my privacy anyway, as did her boss.

My new boss claimed i missed an email and suggested it was a symptom. They demanded an unrestricted authority to speak to my neurologist seeking "proof that I was still fit for work". I offered a certificate from him. They backed down solely because of my previous boss's faux pas but demanded a certificate every quarter from my neurologist even after I pointed out that I don't even see him half-yearly.

After he took 8 weeks to provide what they wanted (including 5-6 weeks when he was on leave) during which I was placed on 'adverse performance' but verbally advised that acceding to their demands was "critical" to resolving their "concerns" about my performance, they refused to accept his written advice about my condition and demanded an independent neurologist assess me.

By this time, my relationship with my new boss was breaking down. She resented me telling her that, if she thought she saw symptoms in me, it was me that she needed to discuss them with as she was suffering "attributive bias"; that is the technical term for when you start looking for signs of something simply because you know about it (such as when we Derby fans look for signs we are jinxed because we know about the gypsy curse....that's a good example, I might use it in court!)

She regularly made snide remarks about me forgetting things (including my own state of health on one infamous occasion). She even cited me not hearing something she said over a faulty teleconference line as an example of me "lacking sufficient to detail" and didn't bat an eyelid when I pointed out she was aware I am partially deaf and publicly attacked me for asking her to repeat something on several occasions. Due dates for deliverables were changed according to her whim without me being told until after the fact.

I had a stand-up confrontation with her in one such instance; her response was that it didn't matter if it hadn't been due yet as she'd decided I had enough time to do it.

i went on stress leave the first time after her boss and her accused me of dishonestly misrepresenting our (witnessed) discussions in trying to correct her incorrect minutes. As others who saw it will attest, I was getting close to exploding at the continuous harassment and snide insults. When I returned after they refused any longer to pay my sick leave, I learned that I had been booked for an independent neurologist three days' later. When I pointed out that they had still not given me their written reasons for requiring this and the legal basis for the request (which I first requested in December) together with written assurances as to who would read the report, they provided it the day before the appointment. I asked for an extension as they were aware that I needed my solicitor to review it on my behalf. They refused to extend it even by a single day, accused me via email of refusing to attend the appointment and stated that they would be reviewing my employment status as a result.

Other than again using it to threaten a review of my employment status twice more, the independent neurologist was not mentioned again even after I asked when it was to be rescheduled.

My second and final period of stress leave resulted from my boss directly attempting to humiliate me in our team meeting and in discussions with our stakeholders. One stakeholder wrote to her to complain about her behaviour; the same one who had nominated me for a lucrative award based on the work I had delivered for him which my boss not only rejected but didn't even tell me that he had offered such high commendation of me. 

It didn't fit with a narrative that I was difficult, incompetent and suffering "periods of confusion".

In my second period of sick leave, my boss demanded my certificates. I sent them to her via email. A week later I received a letter (sent to my previous address when they have my current address) demanding them in two days, else my employment status would be reviewed. I pointed out that this was the first I knew she had claimed not to have received them. I asked to be advised if they weren't received by COB that day and sent them via email again.

A week later, another demand, again sent to my previous address, saying they had not been sent, with a failure to provide them by a date and time already passed to result in my dismissal

I responded in writing immediately, very pointedly and advised that I would send them via registered post. They accepted that. 

I did so. Australia Post confirmed that it was delivered on 25/5. On 27/5 at 4.07pm, they dismissed me citing non-receipt.

Unfortunately for them, I had confirmed with the concierge if our building that he had taken delivery of the registered mail and sent my boss an email directly on 26/5.

Check mate, I believe that may be called.....except that my severance payment, which should have been paid by law no later than 1/6 has still not be sighted....and their advice of what they intend to pay excludes many thousands of dollars in my entitlements and falsely claims that I commenced working there in 2012 not 2010 which substantially reduces my payout too...

Considering that I have now not been paid for 7 weeks (and one fortnight's pay in 10+ weeks, it is fair to say that it seems their last tactic may be to starve me into submission....

The reason for this lengthy update? To vent in part.

But also to reiterate that it doesn't matter how insurmountable the problems facing you may seem, there are always ways and means to change the dynamics.

In my situation, I made the right call several months ago to actually alert my sister and a couple of my closest friends about what was happening and was honest about my own concerns that, emotionally, I was struggling with the barrage my employer (one of our largest banks) seemed determined to destroy me with.

Right now, even though I am financially 'stuffed' until I get some money from them, I know how I am going to make it to that time but, more importantly, I know they cannot overwhelm me as they were quite clearly trying to do and trigger either an angry (warranting immediate dismissal) response or a major depressive episode.

Honestly, I suspect that 12-18 months ago I would have, despite my high IQ, my legal training, my experience and my ability to become very cold, very calculating and very strategic when challenged, had I not learned that I couldn't always necessarily rely on my mind and willpower after that episode of full-on, debilitating clinical depression.

It was a critical lesson in hubris.

And, after experiencing some of the most vicious conduct I have seen in my career (almost 30 years), I have actually seen some of the people I am closest to in the world get that same sense of achievement that comes from standing beside someone they care about.

Legally, I doubt this will get to a formal hearing but how it will play out from here is pretty clear. And it has changed immeasurably how I intend to life until my diminished capability becomes an issue.

It has reinvigorated my ambitions, proved to me that I have nothing to fear for a few years yet. And critically much more to achieve than just manage a slow decline.

On 26 April 2016 at 01:41, David said:

Adopt a dog, not a crazy Jack Russell or anything, something that's past the must destroy everything age and sleeps all day. Walking into a house with a tail wagging ready to lick your face may help. Don't get too intimate with it tho, theres laws about stuff like that.

You are describing a greyhound.

Just now, RamDon said:

I cannot recall the most recent film deuxieme partie I have seen. Star Wars:The Force Awakens is undoubtedly the film septieme partie.

Oh I know: Ted 2

I cannot recall the most recent film deuxieme partie I have seen. Star Wars:The Force Awakens is undoubtedly the film septieme partie.

1 hour ago, GboroRam said:

@RamDon I liked your post because I didn't know what else I can do. I commend your strength - didn't "like" your message. I'm pretty sure that you understand what I mean although I have no way of putting it across. 

 

1 hour ago, Anag Ram said:

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. 

Ned was lucky to have found you and now he has had his part to play. 

I hope you find a way through this maelstrom and that you get the support you deserve.

Thank you. But, as I said, having experienced it and learned the (in hindsight) obvious lesson that no-one is an island and no-one should try to take everything on...no matter how strong you think your willpower is...eventually, should the breaks go against you, the load can break you.

No matter who you think you are.

More importantly, the fact is that I am extremely fortunate. I have people on whom I can rely and, for various reasons, chose not to. In my family I have always been the strong one, even as a kid so I chose to 'protect' them. Stupidly, I forgot the strength of character my sister in particular rises to when she needs to. She more than anyone else did so when I 'died' back in 2007 and she's done so once again.

As for Ned, I used to joke that he was a jinx. His previous owner was a 30ish yo bloke who suffered a stroke and never recovered. Within 6 months of adopting him, I died from my first serious illness.

But no-one should ever doubt how powerful the restorative powers of pets. As with people, sometimes you just have to let them look after you.

As for my diagnosis, it's not an act when I say I have always seen every day as a bonus since I awoke from the coma on the Thursday before the West Ham game at Pride Park. That season was a greater trauma than anything else I suffered that year!

But it certainly explains why I feel a sense of urgency in wanting to see both of my sporting loves, Derby and Essendon in the AFL, back up there while I can still remember it!