Ewe Ram

Drivers who pull up next to my car in the car park and park with just enough gap my drivers side for me to have to literally ingest myself in order to get into it. Thanks for that. Occasionally I've had to get in the passenger side and get across to the drivers seat.

I had to start taking pictures on my phone and then zooming in to read it which made me look a right knob in the cereal aisle in Asda.

You know it's inflicted you when you start to read small print at arms length. 

Presbyopia (age-related long sightedness)! All the forty-somethings will either know or soon learn of its delights.
I've always had brilliant eye sight until last year when I started to struggle to read small print, then larger print, then the computer screen. I eventually put aside my natural pig-headedness and paid my first ever visit to the opticians and ended up with reading glasses which are a pain in the arse.   

Opening a box tablets at the end where the instructions are wrapped around. Every, f***ing, time!!!

people who walk out of public toilets without washing their hands, even worse are those that do so at the gym and put their disgusting hands on the hand grips. Makes me feel ill  
 

people who walk out of public toilets without washing their hands, even worse are those that do so at the gym and put their disgusting hands on the hand grips. Makes me feel ill  
 

How rude! 

Cyclists in pedestrian area weaving through pedestrians, **** off and get off your bikes.
Mobility scooters in pedestrian areas, why are they designed to go along faster than walking pace and are not insured? Ban them.

They should put them spaces as far away from the store as possible, make the kids walk...

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

Having worked for an Interntional Airline and flown a lot of miles, people that cause a delay like that should be escorted off the plane.
Jet2 make it quite clear, if you want to seat together, then you have to pay a fee to do it, tossers like him should have his passport revoked.

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

My last flight home was delayed because on Jet2 you have to pay to select your seats and one bloke was kicking up a stink because he hadn't paid and he wasn't seated next to his son who looked about 12. 'He won't fly, I tell you he won't, I'll just stand here until you sort it out' 30 minutes later he got his own way when someone finally moved away from their family to allow them to sit together. We missed our slot time and he just sat there looking smug. Absolute tosser! 

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

A bloke shot out of his seat when he thought the sign was going to go out, as the plane had been stationary for about 20 secs, as he stood the plane lunged forward and he fell breaking his wrist.  This delayed people getting off the plane, and as I walked by him, he was being treated in the airbridge, he was moaning about suing the airline.
At this point I was annoyed as I was catching a connecting flight, so I walked over and asked him for his details, he looked up, confused, and asked why.  I simply said I was going to sue him for being an idiot and delaying 200 odd passengers, a few cheers and a red faced idiot that immediatly shut his mouth.

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

This.
I usually stay in my seat and just check my phone while I wait for everyone to clear out; no better feeling than being able to stand up and walk down the aisle with all the open space you could want!
On the odd occasion I happen to stand up early and join the line of people going nowhere, two things always happen that also drive me crazy:
- The person behind me in said queue always stands way too close. I mean even if you're impatient or in a hurry it's sure as hell not going make the line move any faster by inching up behind the person standing in front of you!
 - Predictably as a result of standing too close, when I start walking down the aisle, they keep "accidentally" banging their foot into the back of my carry-on
Happens every single time.

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

People on planes who hear the announcement that's says 'remain seated until the seatbelt sign is switched off' then immediately you hear the click of them taking off their seat belts. Then as soon as the sign does go off they're on their feet grabbing stuff from the overhead lockers, hitting you on the head with it, then stand at some cocky angle trying to push into a queue to get off that's going nowhere 

It's not random, it is annoying, and I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but two words.
Colin Gibson.
Why? What is his purpose? 
I've just watched his interview with Thorne, who seemed delighted to be the latest subject of a Col grilling.
'Tell me George, what's the purpose of the compression boot you're wearing, and do you use those crutches to support your weight after your double leg break'?
 'The boot keeps the harmful effects of the sun off my leg Gibbo, and saves a few quid on the factor 30. As for the crutches, I use them to swing past dogshit I might otherwise stand in'.
 
'What of the pool Thorney, is that useful in your recovery?'
'Not really Col, it's just easier to pee in there than have to unfold the snake while balancing on one leg. Shouldn't you be asking me if my recovery has been aided by Mel's massive investment?'
Even Keogh is better at interviews than him.

People who say they borrowed something to someone instead of lent it to them. (Think Mostyn may be one of them )
people who eat bananas and you can hear their molars smack together. 

oddly, at time of writing, I deliberated which was the correct term, and decided the wrong one, maybe.

Puns

When she doesn't stack pots in the sink correctly. A plate on a bowl on a cup?
When they finish with a toilet roll and leave the cardboard in the bog
When she doesn't arrange food neatly on the plates. Including her plate
Being asked where I'm going when I'm heading upstairs
My daughter saying "pardon" when she's heard you.
Having a rubbish bag 5 yards from the black bin. Unless it's raining grenades then just walk outside?
When she puts things ON the bag instead of IN the bag
When one of them, not sure which, puts a plate with any food on it in the sink.
When any of them, including the tiny one, leave cereal in a bowl.
The smell of toast
When she does jam on toast but rations the jam. 
Teaoffee or Coftea. Use a different spoon!!!! 
When the bigger one leaves baby wipes around for the tiny one to empty the packet and then the fooking furry one eats them!!! 
Strapping them in the car when they sit on the groin bit and stare at you as you try to fish it out. 
When the tiny one sucks toothpaste off the brush. 
When she does their hair. The noise is a bloody joke.