rynny Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Not a headline you expect to see http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/babb/11842202/Burnleys-cruciate-ligament-curse-lifted-by-the-UKs-leading-white-witch.html After Lucas Jutkiewicz suffers same serious knee injury that four of his team-mates have in recent years, "Kev the witch" comes to the rescue By Jack Green 2:22PM BST 04 Sep 2015 Burnley’s first away win of the season on Saturday was tinted with misfortune as Lucas Jutkiewicz suffered a cruciate knee ligament injury which will keep him out for the rest of the season. This isn’t an isolated incident at Turf Moor. Sam Vokes, Kevin Long, Dean Marney and Ashley Barnes have all suffered the same injury within the last 18 months. Some may view this as a coincidence, as multiple strokes of bad luck. Luckily, though, Kevin Carlyon, otherwise known as ‘Kev the Witch’, has pinpointed the exact problem. “The situation goes beyond any coincidence,” explained the man who bills himself as 'high priest of British White Witches'. “With all the injuries being the exact same," Kev says, "it seems as if evil has been to work”. Kev reckons the frequent knee injuries are all down to a dastardly spell. “The spell was most likely cast upon Burnley around 20 years ago,” he says “It will escalate and start affecting other areas of the club. Financial backing could be lost, or maybe maintenance issues could occur within the ground”. That’s why Burnley Football Club should be extraordinarily thankful to Kev and his Hocus Pocus ritual. Kev performed the incantantaion, which can be read in full below, on Wednesday. Burnley have not suffered a single cruciate ligament injury since. They've also not played, but let's not let facts get in the way of spiritual matters. Kevin and his powers have been on call to assist football clubs before. He performed another ‘Hocus-Pocus’ during the 2005 Champions League Final when Liverpool were 2-0 down to AC Milan. “I was asked to perform the Hocus Pocus during the game, and Liverpool ended up winning”. Indeed they did, although not before conceding another goal. The hanging of the ‘Pendle Witches’ in Lancashire, only seven miles from Turf Moor, could be the origin of the curse, with Kevin explaining that Pendle Hill has become an area of “cleansing”. People visit the hill regularly to make their wants come true. So we know who's to blame, then. A Blackburn fan. Burnley’s Hocus Pocus “To this circle I now add my spirit, and now as all these elements are combined, I purify and energise a circle of power. So may it be done. “I now ask the element of nature to reach out and allow me to perform this spell to both protect and reach out to the ground, now used by Burnley FC. And as I reach out, I protect the club from any evil intent. “I now reach out to Burnley FC to both protect and increase the luck of all players. Whoever has placed these malicious and demonic energies – may the elements of nature rebound this to the place it came from. “On this day, I ask that luck and health comes to all that use the football ground, including members of staff, the players, and fans attending matches. “May it be that by Halloween, those repetitive knee injuries are stopped, and may the energies that I invoke start a run of increased luck for Burnley. “May it be that a psychic wall be placed across the goalmouth of Burnley FC each time they play, and a winning streak be played upon the club so that it’s fortunes return. Could this be on par with the Crystal Palace woman a couple of years ago? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrivateDerby Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Yes but I still think we should get Kev down to lift the BBG curse from the gypsys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rynny Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Yes but I still think we should get Kev down to lift the BBG curse from the gypsys.I thought this team did thatGK 1 Vic WoodleyRB 2 Jack Nicholas (c)LB 3 Jack HoweRH 4 Jim BullionsCH 5 Leon LeutyLH 6 Chick MussonOR 7 Reg HarrisonIR 8 Raich CarterCF 9 Jackie StampsIL 10 Peter DohertyOL 11 Dally Duncan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Perhaps they could make the pitches less synthetic and more like turf then change the boots back to studs instead of blades for a spell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 .....and get some proper mud on't pitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TigerTedd Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 ...and man up. When I were a lad I played half a season ok one leg, while t'other was sat in the freezer and reattached at Christmas. Bunch of ******* fairies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deano180 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Could he work his magic on our South stand scoreboard curse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie20 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Perhaps they could make the pitches less synthetic and more like turf then change the boots back to studs instead of blades for a spell.Synthetic Grass Moor sounds a lot better than Turf Moor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord_Ram Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 can we bring him in to lift the curse on our midfielders before BJ & JB are stretchered off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombo Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 It's not a curse, it's called Sean Dyche being a psycho of a coach and working his players too hard. Or are four identical injuries just coincidence then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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