Cisse Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 What? I'd say they would be more likely to sell their story I've read a lot of biographies and several times the stars have said that the reason to pay for sex when they could get it free is that they don't have to worry about mobile phone camera suddenly appear or worry about reading the stories afterwards. I guess professionals are more discreet than you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cisse Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Don't change it to a Normanton bedsit.....a premier league footballer would never live in Normanton. I read an interesting book on criminal profiling once. The killers choice of car weapon would be significant clues. So i'm thinking.....why a machete?......thats a bit exotic....why not a knife? and a Ford Fiesta?......thats a womans car......or a student. Daveo has a Ford Fiesta ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Daveo has a Ford Fiesta ? Focus ....i misread it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Daveo probably is a potential serial killer. No offence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 A lot of players have stopped in the Birchover apartments in Allestree. These places have marble steam rooms etc, and are top end pads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 What? I'd say they would be more likely to sell their story I have slept with c50 wannabe WAGs and lost count of how many prostitutes, and I still can't get my name or picture in a bloody paper. I might have to change my name to i-Giggs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 50 year old wags mate? Maybe get a mention in "Saga uncut" magazine aywot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i-Ram Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 50 year old wags mate? Maybe get a mention in "Saga uncut" magazine aywot? Don't you go taking the mick out of sh@gging older women. In my experience they are more discreet, certainly more grateful, and a good few of them will make sure you have something nice and warm to eat before they let you leave. This is a public service notice for any young men on this Forum who are currently still waiting for little Miss Perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 If they can make you something to eat afterwards, they non doin it raite! It's normally "pull me nighty darn when thee's finished" up here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petersimple Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Private Investigators are very down at heal seedy characters in the UK. Forget Philip Marlow and think Talfryn Thomas from Dad's Army. Your Roy is far too glamorous. Roy wouldn't be drinking Java Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 Private Investigators are very down at heal seedy characters in the UK. Forget Philip Marlow and think Talfryn Thomas from Dad's Army. Your Roy is far too glamorous. Roy wouldn't be drinking Java Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanRam Posted October 10, 2014 Author Share Posted October 10, 2014 Private Investigators are very down at heal seedy characters in the UK. Forget Philip Marlow and think Talfryn Thomas from Dad's Army. Your Roy is far too glamorous. Roy wouldn't be drinking Java Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posh Ram Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Ok, I have a couple of comments mate. 1) Love the references to Derby. Need some fans' forum references in there as well 2) Not sure about the names. I like the escort being called Cherry but Roy Davies is pretty samey, it doesn't give me anything about his character. I like the first name Roy but you need a surname which is a bit more interesting and memorable. Mikey Gonzalez just sounds like a Mexican living in California to me, as opposed to a Derby striker. 3) Presumably Mikey's been framed, and so the reader needs to really empathise with him. If I were you, I'd rework it so that we see his terrified reaction to the murder so that we see him as a confused, impressionable young human being rather than a overpaid and oversexed footballer. Still, it was definitely exciting, and I look forward to reading Chapter 2... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sage Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Well... It's either an amazingly funny parody of generic 50's pulp detective novels, with mixed slang and ironically terrible dialogue. Or, it's a shower of sh1te Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanRam Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Well... It's either an amazingly funny parody of generic 50's pulp detective novels, with mixed slang and ironically terrible dialogue. Or, it's a shower of sh1te A mix of both in its current state. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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