Tony Le Mesmer

Those toasting machines you find in holiday hotels.
4 times through yesterday just for a light browning, today I put 2 larger slices of local bread in(felt like toast before I'd put it in), after a long wait looked inside and realised the bread was stuck at the back of the toaster!
Did the decent thing, and grabbed a croissant and yogurt before slipping off.
I'm hoping the resulting blaze destroyed any incriminating CCTV evidence!
 

And while we are on that topic ... I like swear words but I loath misuse and overuse of swear words. 
if you hit your thumb with a hammer then an expletive is perfectly acceptable. At a distance in a stadium, away from kids  flinging an insult a a player isn't the end of the world either. But peppering every other word in a scentence with the F word is just crude and pointless. Using what should be powerful words for minor gripes is pretty pathetic too. (IMO of course )

If ever a man needed to start online grocery shopping it's you!

I've had something worse than this.  I do the shopping for our family as I am every bit the modern man  
I once had it that I was being served by the cashier but was still unloading my trolley.  The family behind me also started putting their items on the belt.  Obviously as the cashier was taking off my items to scan, the belt was automatically moving  and my available space was lessening.

I find that, in the same way that toast always lands butter side down, I will always open a pack of tablets at the end where all the paperwork is.

and I bet they are young, have tattoos and can't read a map. The youth of today .. disgraceful not even knowing basic supermarket etiquette ! .. what do they teach in schools today tsk tsk.  Of course I blame the ( enter per gripe group here )

Ignorant wankshafts that don't put the Next Customer wedge on the belt once they've loaded up their shopping!  Even worse if they watch you do it then don't thank you for it...  CU***!!!

But we are being very reasonable about it 

Can't afford a new bloody car anyhow.

Oh come on Tony .. We all know if you buy a diamond black Frankfurter XLS .. You will also get a chizzled jaw, 6 pack, amazing bombshell girlfriend, a fat wallet that fills itself and a pair of Ray-bans. It worked for me.

I've got a spare push bike in my shed if your stuck ? But it's got gears and things ( and two flat tyres ) 

I've just thought of something that annoys me, the volume level on the TV.
Depending what we are watching we can have the volume as low as 20 or as high as 60 depending on how loud the TV channel decide to output the programme.  Surely it should work that you set a level of volume you need to comfortably hear the TV and that is the level of sound that comes out of the speakers?

Just to add that I hate the hypocrisy amongst most footy fans with regards cheating. Timewasting is an example. Derby do it I'm sure when they are winning with time running out yet fans aren't screaming at their own players for cheating. Opponent does it and all hell breaks loose. Many more examples.
Cheating is part of the game now and every team does it. Sometimes you'll benefit and sometimes not. Can see your point though jono. IMO a player who goes down claiming he's been assaulted and clutching his face should be sent off. It is not only cheating but shows a lack of respect for another human being and if it were me being accused then I'd go for litigation immediately.
Just like if someone had accused me of a crime I hadn't done and been proved. I'd have the liar in court. Same in the football cheating incidents claiming they've been assaulted and its proven on replays they are making it up.

You can turn it off. There's a button with a big A in a circle. 
 

Not saying lower emissions cars are better for the environment than bikes, just saying cars with this technology are better than without. 

Forgot to add 'lol' to emphasise I typed that with a smile @Tony Le Mesmer

Should be thread on this. Just random photos of people who annoy the living hell out of us. Anyone got a photo of Keith Lemon?

Cars that automatically turn off at lights and then the ignition fires up again seconds later. I don't own one but they must be bloody annoying. Pointless. Might save 0.08p in fuel over the course of a year but they're all brand new cars anyway. It's not like their owners are short of a few bob.

Just to add that I hate the hypocrisy amongst most footy fans with regards cheating. Timewasting is an example. Derby do it I'm sure when they are winning with time running out yet fans aren't screaming at their own players for cheating. Opponent does it and all hell breaks loose. Many more examples.
Cheating is part of the game now and every team does it. Sometimes you'll benefit and sometimes not. Can see your point though jono. IMO a player who goes down claiming he's been assaulted and clutching his face should be sent off. It is not only cheating but shows a lack of respect for another human being and if it were me being accused then I'd go for litigation immediately.
Just like if someone had accused me of a crime I hadn't done and been proved. I'd have the liar in court. Same in the football cheating incidents claiming they've been assaulted and its proven on replays they are making it up.

It is virtually impossible for refs .. I remember seeing a clip of Wright Phillips seemingly taking a huge theatrical dive but an analysis showed he was at full speed, a defender stepped in his path but pulled out at the last milli second. Sean had already taken avoiding action and fell at full tilt. There was no contact but it looked like he dived when in reality he fell over when running at 10 10ths .. Not cheating, just physics .. But those that do it knowingly really get my goat. Yes exaggerate to make sure the ref saw it .. Fair doos .. But doesn't matter what shirt you are wearing I loath cheating. Somewhere on my profile there's a Corinthian reference. That's me .. Fair play but how do you combat the cheats when everyone is at it to a greater or lesser extent. 

Just to add that I hate the hypocrisy amongst most footy fans with regards cheating. Timewasting is an example. Derby do it I'm sure when they are winning with time running out yet fans aren't screaming at their own players for cheating. Opponent does it and all hell breaks loose. Many more examples.
Cheating is part of the game now and every team does it. Sometimes you'll benefit and sometimes not. Can see your point though jono. IMO a player who goes down claiming he's been assaulted and clutching his face should be sent off. It is not only cheating but shows a lack of respect for another human being and if it were me being accused then I'd go for litigation immediately.
Just like if someone had accused me of a crime I hadn't done and been proved. I'd have the liar in court. Same in the football cheating incidents claiming they've been assaulted and its proven on replays they are making it up.

To be fair I am like that when I visit Lidl

Spot on - people who are famous for being famous.
The people on those late Friday night comedy panel comedy shows, anyone on 'I'm a celeb get me out of here' type stuff. The judges on the X Factor/Britain's got Talent who are obliged to force out tears when someone comes in with the sob story. The offspring of genuinely famous sports people/chefs etc who are creatures of twitter.
The good news being that they all end up in the minor celeb graveyard - shopping channel at 2am.
I suppose these people have always existed but social media/the internet has given them a loud hailer, like people with nutty political views.

It's all the drugs..............

It's all the drugs..............