The Poetry Thread

[uttoxram75]

Hello and welcome to The Poetry Thread.

Out of the kindness of my heart I have decided to share with you the occasional nugget of contemporary verse that leaps into my mind, often unbidden, to emerge as a masterpiece of literary excellence pertaining to, but not exclusively so, the fortunes of DCFC.

Anyway, I was in a stunningly boring meeting at work yesterday and found myself composing almost subconsciously.

Don't worry Admin/Mods, I won't charge or copyright this material...

I know its tempting fate with a difficult match tonight, but when the creative juices flow through the loins, one must let them out...

There’s something afoot down at DCFC

Green shoots of recovery are now plain to see

The impossible dream? Dare we start to believe?

That the son of god is about to achieve…

Some of the football is at times sublime

The passing and movement not seen for some time

Not since the days of McLaren and Smith

Have we scored with abandon, expecting a fifth!

Five in the middle all ready to play

With a big ugly Finn on a lonesome foray

It seems to work - the balance looks right

When it comes off it’s a beautiful sight

Its not been easy - there’s a long way to go

But Nige appears to be running the show

His judgement has proved to be canny and true

The evidence lies in the two lads from Crewe

The taunts of “non-league†are now few and far

We can go to Pride Park and relax with a jar

Knowing that Cloughy is making us brill,

Enjoy it - its just like watching Brazil………..

[derbydan]

this is well to advanced for these lot lol

[froggg]

quality Poet Laureate:D

[Perky1106]

One of my modules in first year was on poetry. Went straight over my head.

[Alex W]

:DI have a number of poems, but they're comedy stuff and not Derby related

Can I post a few of those here too Uttox?

I did have 'An Ode to Gary teale' up a while ago but that'll have long since disappeared into the dark, hallowed corners of the internet

[uttoxram75]

Get in there Alex lad.....together, we can educate the masses...

[Alex W]

Haha indeed we shall! One poem coming right up!

[Alex W]

Undead robot monkey orgy,

and I know what your'e thinking,

if the monkeys shoots his load,

will they then rust and start clinking?

But fear not my sickened friends,

i've thought this whole thing through,

I inted to make their robot armour,

entirely waterproof.

Now that you all feel queezy,

or your laughing in your seat,

please bear in mind this story,

of which I will now speak.

I am but a handsome student,

with no ego at all,

I drink away these chilly days,

until on the floor I fall.

Now bear in mind my fellow friends,

of the strain that's on my wallet,

I need more coins to pay my tab,

and I swear i'm working on it.

And so I announce with great delight,

the 'Help the Pisshead' fund,

to help this tipsy fellow member,

who society cruelly shunned.

So what if I ower you a fiver barkeep?

It is a small, forgettable sum,

and please can we both move on now,

from when you walked in on me and your mum?

So people please; look into your hearts,

and help your friend and booze lover,

send me a cheque for a pitcher or two,

or i'll end up in bed with your mother.

(Hope you liked it! This is copyrighted by the way, steal it and i'm taking your bank balance )

[froggg]

speak to George Osbourne he might lend you a fiver;)

[Phoenix]

I'm more of a McGonagall man myself. Here's a taster.

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say

That ninety lives have been taken away

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,

And the wind it blew with all its might,

And the rain came pouring down,

And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,

And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-

"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh

The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,

But Boreas blew a terrific gale,

Which made their hearts for to quail,

And many of the passengers with fear did say-

"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,

Boreas he did loud and angry bray,

And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,

And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,

And the passengers' hearts felt light,

Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,

With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,

And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,

Until it was about midway,

Then the central girders with a crash gave way,

And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!

The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,

Because ninety lives had been taken away,

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known

The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,

And the cry rang out all o'er the town,

Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,

And a passenger train from Edinburgh,

Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,

And made them for to turn pale,

Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale

How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,

To witness in the dusky moonlight,

While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,

Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

I must now conclude my lay

By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,

That your central girders would not have given way,

At least many sensible men do say,

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,

At least many sensible men confesses,

For the stronger we our houses do build,

The less chance we have of being killed.

There's plenty more where that came from

[Alex W]

I have a Billy Connolly 'Tour of Scotland' dvd from the 90's that has him read out that poem. Think it was from the fella who wrote its favourite spot to write from where he recorded it too.

[Phoenix]

I'd guess it was Dundee, but one of his immortal utterances suggests he fell out with the place.

Apparently, the punters used to go to his (McGonagall's) public appearances for the sole purpose of pelting him with rotten fruit, an experience he seems to have enjoyed! (see last stanza, for want of a better word.)

Lines in Protest to the Dundee Magistrates

Fellow citizens of Bonnie Dundee

Are ye aware how the magistrates have treated me?

Nay, do not stare or make a fuss

When I tell ye they have boycotted me from appearing in Royal Circus,

Which in my opinion is a great shame,

And a dishonour to the city's name.

Fellow citizens, I consider such treatment to be very hard;

'Tis proof for me they have little regard;

Or else in the circumstances they would have seen to my protection;

Then that would have been a preoof of their affection,

And how Genius ought to be rewarded,

But instead my Genius has been disregarded

Why should the magistrates try and punish me in such a cruel form?

I never heard the like since I was born.

Fellow citizens, they have taken from me a part of my living

And as Christians they should have been giving;

But instead of that they have prevented Baron Ziegler from engaging me,

Which certainly is a disgrace to Bonnie Dundee

Who was't that immortalised the old and the new railway bridges of the Silvery Tay?

Also the inauguration of the Hill of Balgay?

Likewise the Silvery Tay rolling on its way?

And the Newport Railway?

Besides the Dundee Volunteers?

Which met with their approbation and hearty cheers.

And has it come to this in Bonnie Dundee?

But, fellow-citizens, I will not submit to such an indignity

For I am resolved to leave the city

And bid the city a long farewell,

For I cannot get protection in it to dwell,

Therefore I'm resolved from it to flee

For a prophet has no honour in his own country,

And try to live in some other town

Where the magistrates won't boycott me or try to keep me down

No more shall the roughs of Bonnie Dundee

Get the chance of insulting or throwing missiles at me

For I'm going off to the beautiful west

To the fair city of Glasgow that I like the best,

Where the River Clyde rolls on to the sea,

And the lark and the blackbird whistles with glee.

And your beautiful bridges across the River Clyde,

And on your bonnie banks I'm going to reside

[uttoxram75]

Not one of mine, but a thought provoking one all the same,

INFLATION

In times past and now forgotten

When honesty ruled supreme,

Before some men with hearts rotten

Deposed those worth our esteem,

The world was free of speculation

And there was no talk of inflation.

But then a band of cunning thieves

With lying tongues and souls of greed,

And many tricks up their sleeves,

A simple plan their minds conceived

To bring the world into subjugation,

Requiring only guile and dedication.

The first step was to begin the trade

Of lending money and holding sure

The wealth that folk, through work, had made;

With "interest" as bait they'd allure

Their naive victims into their den,

And this hold true now as did then.

Once the money was in their hands

They used it for their own end,

And would take the poor peoples' land

As payment for the money they lend;

It didn't take long for them to hold

In their vaults other people's gold.

Their eyes were set on bigger things ...

With this wealth they began to bend

The judgement of princes and kings

Who were in need of funds to spend

In projects that they thought were best

To safeguard their kingdoms' interests.

From lending to individuals,

Then to kings extend their usury,

They soon became multinationals

Controlling the world's treasury.

They rule supreme and over all

The peoples and their capital.

Power hungry, they'll dash to pieces

All who speak against their clan;

While their heartless greed increases

Their victims survive as best they can

Eating scraps from their table,

And true freedom remains a fable.

So until all control returns

To the leaders of each nation,

In whom the spirit of truth burns,

We are saddled with inflation

And our children will never be

Masters of their own destiny.

A V Fenton

[uttoxram75]

Here's one of mine,

Not long to go

before the show

on the 29th December

when the unbeaten run

of the dirty scum

they'll always remember

came to a halt

without a fault

from Bueno and Bywater

and the inbred gumps

who've all got mumps

got married to their daughter

I might just start a poetry reading class with that in the SE Corner on Boxing day.

[RamNut]

Rabbie Burns.....

Bitin takles, fells tha Shiels

an Sharp misses fram tin yads tha *****;

an wants tha riff ta gie a short-liv'd blast,

but too Far south the git,

Dim-dark'ning thro' the flaky show'r,

Or whirling drift:

Tha night thro storm tha e’st stand rocked,

Poor Donny sweet in sleep was locked,

While coomons, wi' snawy leegs upchoked,

Wild-eddying swirl,

Or thro' the flying tackles black’d,

Down headlong hurl.

Thas a pen for us ya ballocky shites

List'ning, in tha daveo spins tha rattle,

and hangin on the gibbo prattle,

tha silly sheep, wha bide this brattle

O' winter war,

And thro' the drift, deep-lairing, sprattle,

Beneath tha score.

Thas one nil tee us ya bastas.

Ev'n Moore on murd'ring errands toil'd,

til from your Savage hope excel'd,

Da reek free keek. F’kin two nil and gaym o’er

Te Tha blood-stain'd troops,

tha sheep get gild

My heart forgets,

While pityless the tempest wild

Cam on ya rams.

[Wilko]

There was once a boy called Billy

Who did something particularly silly

O' the Derby fans laughed

Said "Isn't he daft?

He should have been more careful with his willy".

I thank you.

[RamNut]

"Billy, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life"

"Billy, don't be a hero, come back and mate with your wife"

And as Billy started to go

she said "Billy, keep your head lo-o-ow"

"Billy, don't be a hero, you're just 5 foot three"

[Perky1106]

Poetry is pretentious, always has been and always will be.

Fun though.

[Boycie]

Poetry is for gays

I've always made it known.

The connection between words and sex

It's easier to use the phone.

Now stop it now, before you start

The feeling will come to pass.

Carry on, and in time to come, you'll find you like it up the .......Charlie had a pigeon a pigeon a pigeon!

[Boycie]

I thank you!