loweman2 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 The purchase of gifts using no thought or imagination is expected to increase significantly as High Street retailers brace themselves for a stampede of panicked men who have suddenly realised it’s Christmas. Exasperated men staring blankly at kitchen appliances are a common sight at this time of year and with figures suggesting that 80% of men leave their Christmas shopping until the very last minute, retailers are predicting bumper sales of all the cr@p they can’t normally shift. “Checkout queues at this time of year are predominantly made up of men carrying an array of monstrosities that are likely to leave their wives or girlfriends massively disappointed,” revealed Stephen Robertson of the British Retail Consortium. “Retailers will be hoping that a combination of heavy discounts and absolute desperation could lead to a late surge in sales that will surpass previous years. “Piling up all the items that make women angry, and placing them in a section called ‘Gifts She’ll Love’ is proving to be a hugely successful marketing strategy,” he added. 32 year old Gavin Henderson was one of millions of men heading towards the High Street to buy lots of anything that’s still left. “****, ****, ****, ****, ****,” he told us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LesterRam Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 i prefer to wait until 11-00pm Christmas eve and then decide to go to the petrol station to buy some limp flowers, job done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Srg Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 2 minutes ago, LesterRam said: i prefer to wait until 11-00pm Christmas eve and then decide to go to the petrol station to buy some limp flowers, job done I prefer to wait until 3am Christmas morning and offer her something else limp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LesterRam Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 6 minutes ago, Srg said: I prefer to wait until 3am Christmas morning and offer her something else limp. you mucky puppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tombo Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I bought my present for my girlfriend, realised it was a load of tosh, and quickly bought some Ferrero Rocher as well. "The other one's a joke present you see.......Unless you like it....I mean if you do then it's good but if you hate it then it's DEFINITELY a joke and the chocolate is the real gift" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 I bought the wife a clear plastic bowl for cooking stuff in the microwave.... i now realise that this is a classic of the shiit-gift genre..... not sure why it wasn't obvious before...... still..... looking forward to seeing her face on christmas day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LesterRam Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 37 minutes ago, Tombo said: I bought my present for my girlfriend, realised it was a load of tosh, and quickly bought some Ferrero Rocher as well. "The other one's a joke present you see.......Unless you like it....I mean if you do then it's good but if you hate it then it's DEFINITELY a joke and the chocolate is the real gift" Ferrero rocher, the rolls royce of chocolates, did I tell you my missus bought me a terrys chocolate orange for my birthday, obviously my divorce is pending.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Srg Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Can't beat the old "I'm going to buy you a really expensive gift" line, only for it to be partly (mainly) for me too. This years effort is a Microsoft Surface... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 2 hours ago, LesterRam said: Ferrero rocher, the rolls royce of chocolates, did I tell you my missus bought me a terrys chocolate orange for my birthday, obviously my divorce is pending.. Get her one for xmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 7 hours ago, Srg said: Can't beat the old "I'm going to buy you a really expensive gift" line, only for it to be partly (mainly) for me too. This years effort is a Microsoft Surface... You must really really hate her to buy her a Microsoft product. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Ram Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I looked at my online banking and realised if bought something that I'd forgot about. Now he has more gifts than he should have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie20 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Keep one back until next Christmas - job done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Spalding Ram Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Just off out now to treat the wife!.............ironing board cover, vacuum cleaner bags, pack of disposable lady razors, tub of that anti wrinkle stuff and some Poundland slippers.........and they say romance is dead! Anyone know if Poundland do a wrapping service and gift receipts ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie20 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 We'll ask your missus to let the forum know date and time of your funeral then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Spalding Ram Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 27 minutes ago, Wolfie20 said: We'll ask your missus to let the forum know date and time of your funeral then Generously I'm keeping her in the lifestyle she's accustomed to......................she's originally from Allenton! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 We never have a curry after a home match like my sister and her hubby do - I asked why, and the Memsahib basically said "I haven't got a slow cooker". So now I know what to get her for Christmas - the email address for 'Just Eat'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.