TramRam

Tiger Woods is playing golf with a man from Kilburn in Derbyshire

Tiger Tees off 1st and lands 12 feet from the hole

Kilburn Tees off and hits a hole in one

Tiger turns to Kilburn Man and says "nice Tee Shot"

Kilburn Man looks at his shirt and says "Cheers Yoth"

I've been watching a programme about a group of people in WW2, Where they dress up as Soldiers and patrol where they live, The Captain is a bit aloof, His Sergeant is the clever one, Then there's this Corporal who's a Butcher, He keeps saying don't panic don't panic...very funny it is, An old chap called Godfrey, He always needs the bathroom and won't pee outside, A soppy lad called Pike he always gets into trouble, He makes me laugh.

All the Wives in the Village where they live often go to the Butchers to get an extra sausage, The Corporal often gives them one.

2 hours ago, Mick Brolly said:

750 bog rolls.

A fella in Australia bought 1000s, Thought he could make a few $s, He didn't, He took them back and the Manager said duck Off  ?

1 hour ago, Bob The Badger said:

Late to the party, but I was literally crying with laughter at that one, you deserve multiple emojis sir!

Hhhmmm, Bob The Badger laughs at a joke about a Badger being run over who then asks his wife to put the said Badger between her legs...Mrs Badger by any chance ?

32 minutes ago, FindernRam said:

As an ex Devonian I can tell you: Don't put cream on a Pasty, although very original ones had jam one end and meat and potatoes the other. Complete meal for a miner.

Yep you're right.

Driving back from shopping I look down to my right and there's a chicken with 3 legs running along the side of me, I put my foot down but the chicken keeps up with me, Then all of a sudden it sped away, I saw it go down the farm road so I followed it, At the end of the road stood a man,  I asked did you see a 3 legged chicken run down here?, Yes I did said the man, I'm the farmer here and I breed them.

Why do you breed 3 legged chickens I asked, Well I like a drumstick, The Wife likes a drumstick now Junior has grown he likes a drumstick, Wow I said what do they taste like? I dunno, I've never caught one.

Just had a bowl of Oxtail soup with 2 crusts of bread, Got a Schnitzel out earlier on to cook with some salad, Couldn't be ar$ed to fry it, But will tomorrow 

Just been to the Doctors, I told him i've bought a BMW, A Porche and an Audi, He said i've got...the Car Owner Virus.

This story cheered me up no end, I dont need cheering up as i'm a cheery person by nature, His one comment for longevity is "he doesn't take himself seriously, And others shouldn't too".

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-51656545

So there I was at school where we were doing the letter of the day, Todays letter was "N", The teacher says "Paul tell the class what you're not very good at begining with the letter  N", I said spelling.

I was standing outside school and one of the parents came up to me and asked "what year is my Daughter in" I said 2020.

My Brother died last week, He finished last in a charity run race for life.

I'm thinking of switching my energy provider from Red Bull to Lucozade.

I went to a Greek restaraunt last week and ordered the Octopus, The waiter said there'll be a 4 hour wait Sir, 4 hours I said, Why's that, The waiter replied, We cook the Octopus alive and they keep turning the gas off.

I saw a good old friend the other day he's 85 and looked concerned.

I went upto him and asked, Hey George are you OK.

He looks at me confused.

Now George aint slow coming forward as his Wife is 25 and looks like a beauty queen.

I asked him is she causing him any grief.

No was his reply.

Is she feeding you good food.

Yes, I get steak 4 times a week and a good cooked breakfast every day.

Is she short changing you.

No look, He puts his hands into his pocket and pulls out a wad of £20 notes.

It's sex then isn't I said.

Not at all, Every other day I get what I want in bed, She's great.

Then why do you look so confused.

I can't remember where I live.

The Wife and I are going out to celebrate our 40th anniversay, My wife walked into the bedroom and twirled round.

I said what's that for.

She replied, I wore this on our 1st date all those years ago and it still fits.

I said....it's a scarf!

I had my 1st Indian meal last night, It was a Chicken Tarka, It's a bit like Chickin Tikka...but a little Otter.

12 Angry Men, To Kill a Mockingbird, 2 Classics.

Both 10/10