mozza Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 now they are the one's that you have to 'slice up' with the loo brush.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyram Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Thats Pootopia when it vanishes without trace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I swear I've lost a stone after a single poo before, the ones I like to call submarines, straight round the u bend without flushing Coincidence - watching a QI rerun at the moment and they just asked a question that was scarily similar relating to the amount of poo a person excretes in a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davenportram Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Thats Pootopia when it vanishes without trace. Not quite Pootopia is the unique combination of both types of Phantom Poo Type 1 : Poo that disappears round the Ubend with no trace - not even a skidmark on the bottom of the pan Type 2 (very rare especially if you have a spicy diet) : Poo in the pan not on the paper - a dry **** in other words Pootopia: No poo in the pan or poo on the paper - no trace the ultimate phantom poo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I once was working away in the lakes, and the toilet was being changed so no dumping, we could pee in the drain grate no problem, but not sit ons. Anyway, I'd had a curry the night before, and my mate had made it and brought it for us to eat. It was quite spicy. By about mid afternoon the turtle was getting very curious, and wanted out. I had to drive miles and the only bog I could find was a petrol service mini market type place top side of Ambleside. I sneaked into the only bog in there and opened the bomb doors wide. I say opened, smashed them off the fookin hinges was more like it. I muttered something about thank Fook, and sighed in content. I tried to hurry up, and was very aware of a possible smell. You normally can't smell your own while sat on it, but this was different. My plan was to sneak out, hopefully unnoticed. I opened the door, to be met by an old couple waiting patiently. For their turn. Owh dear. What can you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Oh, and no bog brush. It was like Brands Hatch starting grid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm struggling with the 20 tonnes figure....... According to their maths thats a daily discharge of 4 x 150 grammes =600 grammes = 24oz or 1 and a half lbs of poo every single day of your life........ So.....Assuming a poo density of 1 gramme per cc, ( ref: scienceblogs.com) thats 600 cc of poo per day Given an average lifetime poo / sphincter diameter of say an inch and a half (based on the thumb test) Thats a cross sectional turd area = 11 cm2 a 600cc poo with a cross sectional area of 11cm2 has a length of 54.5cm (discounting the tapered ends......) 54.5 cm.......thats equivalent to a 21.5 inch long turd every day......for every single day of your life. serious pooing... This is equivalent to 12.5 foot of turd per week or 50 ft of turd per month So.....the author is suggesting that Daves veggie missus - for example - can produce a shiit equal to the length of the average back garden every single month ( excluding tapered ends). Unbelievable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I've seen my missus floaters she didn't flush, I believe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 P.s. the weekly turd is the length of the average adult burmese python Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I've been 3 times today, multiple poo's at each visit (poorly tummy), couple of 7 inch and maybe 3 around 4 inch. 7+7=14 3x4=12 14+12=26 26x3=78 inch of poo which is 6ft 5" which is also my height, freaky that is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 ....ummmm imagine the conversation now if i ever met mrs dave. Ramnut :" oh hello mrs dave......very pleased to meet you....i've heard so much about you" Mrs dave: " really? ..ooh what has he said or should n't i ask?" Ramnut " ooh nothing really" Mrs dave : " no...go on ...tell me" Ramnut: " no its nothing......good god....jeeze" Mrs dave " what?.....oh come on i want to know now...." Ramnut " well nothing too personal.....Dave merely inferred that your weekly dump is the likely length of a burmese python .......full.adult " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 And it stinks, must be the Quorn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I've been 3 times today, multiple poo's at each visit (poorly tummy), couple of 7 inch and maybe 3 around 4 inch. 7+7=14 3x4=12 14+12=26 26x3=78 inch of poo which is 6ft 5" which is also my height, freaky that is Good grief mate......you and your mrs are going to block the entire system. If that drain runs full bore it could whip the traps out on all yer sinks and wash hand basins! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 That's not normal for me, a normal day would be one visit in the morning before breakfast, 7/8inch and a few pebbles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 From that i estimate your lifetime turd weight is approximately 7 tonnes.. Hope that helps in some small way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 What age is considered to be average now? I'm aiming for 85 all being well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 The result is still valid really..... you might not shiit for the last 5 years having completed your lifetimes work that little bit earlier.. I'd take a well earned rest if i was you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 P.s. i find it difficult to pass anything bigger than the size of a pea......although it does have the density of lead shot . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boycie Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I'm struggling with the 20 tonnes figure....... According to their maths thats a daily discharge of 4 x 150 grammes =600 grammes = 24oz or 1 and a half lbs of poo every single day of your life........ So.....Assuming a poo density of 1 gramme per cc, ( ref: scienceblogs.com) thats 600 cc of poo per day Given an average lifetime poo / sphincter diameter of say an inch and a half (based on the thumb test) Thats a cross sectional turd area = 11 cm2 a 600cc poo with a cross sectional area of 11cm2 has a length of 54.5cm (discounting the tapered ends......) 54.5 cm.......thats equivalent to a 21.5 inch long turd every day......for every single day of your life. serious pooing... This is equivalent to 12.5 foot of turd per week or 50 ft of turd per month So.....the author is suggesting that Daves veggie missus - for example - can produce a shiit equal to the length of the average back garden every single month ( excluding tapered ends). Unbelievable. are you saying its bull *****? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 92XhvOg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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