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Morning chaps,
Just to let you all know I'm doing a lot better. Had a good chat with the Mrs, had a little cry, had a couple of days off and celebrated my lad's birthday as a family. Certainly made me appreciate the little things a lot more, and I'm feeling stronger for it.
Thanks for advice and letting me know I'm not alone in feeling like this from time to time. You're a good bunch...
After spending the majority of 6 years inside the house I'd like to think I know how you feel.
It's hard, really hard and most people reading this won't understand what goes off in your head, something so normal as going to the corner shop to pick up a paper scared me to death.
I won't ever claim to know the secret of overcoming it, for me it was almost forced through a relationship breakdown which at the time absolutely messed me up but looking back was also the best thing to have happened. I was too comfortable, no pressure to go outside so it was easy to put it off for another day. Tomorrow I'll try, tomorrow never comes.
The person that helped me the most was my ex girlfriends mum, the motivation of trying to win her daughter back helped me go down to the doctors, after going through all the surgeries on the NHS website not one would actually come out to me which is just nuts.
Other than finding out I had seriously low levels of vitamin D and my knee was knackered they were pretty much useless, tried to put me on anti depressants, the ones that were so strong they turn you into a zombie. After refusing them I was told to go away and find myself a councillor instead.
For me taking pills to zombify myself would only mask the issue, it was a course that I wouldn't be able to just stop either, I would have to lower the dose over several months if not years. Vitamin D supplements helped boost my energy, the main source of vitamin D is the sun, I had zero. It's also been linked to SAD and why people struggle so much in the winter. How true that is I don't know. Helped me.
I won't knock the NHS as they do a lot of good but the support and treatment for mental health issues up here at least is shocking.
Now this probably isn't the best advice but what worked for me was I called a mate, opened up, told him everything, he thought I was just loved up and bombed my mates off. He was pretty surprised by everything as I kept it well hidden. Anyway, we started going to the pub, at first sat outside, he would go in, bring the drinks out. I would have half, panic, go home.
Couple days later try again, having a mate that knew what was happening, was aware that I may suddenly start legging it home made it so much easier and he would come round unannounced some nights just to get me out.
22nd October 2013 I had my first pint inside the pub.
1st December 2013 me and my mate ended up in a gay bar down town, didn't realise until the cross dressing DJ got on the decks playing Take That.
[Insert a year of realising how great it is to be outside, going to the pub, seeing mates, online dating]
3rd January 2015 I went to my first Derby game again for years, Southport in the cup.
Never happened overnight, there was fairy with a wand or magic pills. Small small steps, one day at a time and if you fail one day it's ok, don't hammer yourself for it just try again the next day. I'm still not fully cured so to speak, I still have a few moments where I need to walk away and compose myself.
Knowing what I missed out on helps drive me through each day, I'm not religious, I don't believe in after life or I will have a second chance. 6 years I've lost of my life and there won't be a day goes by that I'm not kicking myself for it. Easier said than done but don't waste another day, you will never get them back.
This may only be semi serious, but there's a lot of truth in it. The great thing about having a passion like supporting a football team is that it makes you feel alive. If I stopped jumping for joy when a Derby goal hits the back of the net, or if I felt perfectly comfortable watching a goal drought-suffering Chris Martin step up to an equalising penalty against the league leaders, I'd absolutely seek help.
Right now, I live for the football at the weekend. And it still makes me feel alive. That puts me at ease quite a lot. Even the heartache at Wembley is an experience I wouldn't undo, because it was an experience of raw emotion and I'd hate to lose that.
Always enjoy the little things.
Heisenberg reacted to JuanFloEvraTheCocu'sNesta in Random stuff that people do that annoy me
