Wilko Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Alright guys. Set up a new blog a week or two ago and I've been writing one or two practice stories for my Journalism course. http://wilkinsonashley.wordpress.com Just wondered if you guys could have a look and see what you reck? There's mostly DCFC on there alongside some Formula One, going to get some game and music reviews up there soon enough. Would appreciate some feedback, particularly on this article: [url=http://wilkinsonashley.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/derby-county-what-has-changed/]Derby County - What Has Changed? Would love some feedback on that one to see if you guys agree or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartley Hare Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Just so I'm clear Wilko, do you want critique of your blog post (i.e. structure, syntax, grammar, etc), or critique of your opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcfcdavecov Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Both, and don't hold back either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramshankered Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Alright guys. Set up a new blog a week or two ago and I've been writing one or two practice stories for my Journalism course. http://wilkinsonashley.wordpress.com Just wondered if you guys could have a look and see what you reck? There's mostly DCFC on there alongside some Formula One, going to get some game and music reviews up there soon enough. Would appreciate some feedback, particularly on this article: [url=http://wilkinsonashley.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/derby-county-what-has-changed/]Derby County - What Has Changed? Would love some feedback on that one to see if you guys agree or not. Are you pulling the articles from other sources or writing them yourself? Some seem to be duplicates of articles from other sites (although granded the "What's wrong with DCFC?" seems original content). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorksopRam Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Just so I'm clear Wilko, do you want critique of your blog post (i.e. structure, syntax, grammar, etc), or critique of your opinion? I would imagine structure, grammar, etc. in this case. Opinions are anyone's game. Everyone slates those on here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartley Hare Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well, that's what I thought, but then Wilko says he wants to know if we agree with what he's written in that specific blog post - i.e. do we share his opinion.....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stive Pesley Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I bookmarked this a few days ago as I enjoyed the “what’s changed†post that I picked up via Twitter. If I’m honest – the factual articles read a bit too much like DET news posts, but I guess if you are practicing for journalism then that’s probably no bad thing, they’re pretty good in that respect but not of any real interest to me as I already know most of the details from other official news sources by the time I read your blog. You should definitely continue to post personal opinion pieces in between the news though. The Formula One stuff is interesting to me as I never followed the sport at all until last season, so I’m still learning about it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorksopRam Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well, that's what I thought, but then Wilko says he wants to know if we agree with what he's written in that specific blog post - i.e. do we share his opinion.....? Sorry mate, didn't even see that bit! Let's do both then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramshankered Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I bookmarked this a few days ago as I enjoyed the “what’s changed†post that I picked up via Twitter. If I’m honest – the factual articles read a bit too much like DET news posts, but I guess if you are practicing for journalism then that’s probably no bad thing, they’re pretty good in that respect but not of any real interest to me as I already know most of the details from other official news sources by the time I read your blog. You should definitely continue to post personal opinion pieces in between the news though. The Formula One stuff is interesting to me as I never followed the sport at all until last season, so I’m still learning about it all. Blogs are a medium I tend to see as being a source of informed opinions from someone with perhaps a little more insight then me. Consequently, I would usually follow a journalists blog if they were commenting on current events from their perpsective, rather than publishing articles written in leigh man's terms - if I need that I'd go to BBC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belper Bear Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I've read the article and think it's pretty good. The only comment I would make is that you have to be careful of repeating the same phrase too often ,'on his day' used twice in the same paragraph to describe both Sav and Bailey and then 'no excuse for' used two paragraphs apart to describe the crap we've had to watch lately. As I said generally a good piece and the criticisms are relatively minor things which jarred a bit. I hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prideram Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Are you going to carry it on? Nice to see an alternative viewpoint. I can add it to the FollowDerby iPhone app if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamsTrev Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Think you make some top points, maybe less newsy though. I'll definitely give it a read in the future though mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilko Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 Thanks for all the feedback so far guys, genuinely appreciate it Ramshankered - I write all the articles originally, at the moment I follow a set pattern when I write and so it might look like they've been lifted elsewhere (all the quotes I take from press releases and the such like, I quote where they are from aswell). Though if they do look like they've been lifted from elsewhere that could be good! Belper Bear - Cheers for those, I've a habit of repeating myself when I type, something I need to look at. Thanks again bud. I'm definitely looking to do more opinion pieces, that's initially why I set the blog up, but we were told to keep practicing our news writing skills aswell and so I've been focussing on that for the time being. Glad you all seem to like it, and thanks for the constructive criticism, it's much appreciated, thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perky1106 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 It's difficult to point out anything wrong with that article Wilko. I'm a third year English student and I can't point out any conspicuous grammatical mistakes so all is well in that respect. You write well and give a good comparison of the latter days of 2010 to the miserable December to February we are in now. Unfortunately though, like all other journalists you can't explain why everything at Derby County has gone tits up. However who can blame you? Otherwise it's very impressive stuff. If you're doing a course in journalism, then you're only going to get better at what you do. So good luck to you. I'm looking forward to seeing what you can come up with on your blog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartley Hare Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Just a few small points :- "A lack of belief, a run of poor form and a tetchy crowd is bound to increase the pressure approaching the run-in to the season." Think that should refer to the run-in to the end of the season...? The run-in to the season would be approaching the start of the season, in my mind at least. "Clough chose to stick with Luke Moore as a lone striker when Kuqi’s loan spell approached it’s end." Watch your use of apostrophe's - it should read "...when Kuqi’s loan spell approached its end". "It is hard to put your finger on exactly what has changed in Derby’s overall style of play." So, you're telling me that it's hard to put my finger on the reason? Perhaps it should read ""It is hard to put a finger....." "...now seem reluctant to step foot over the half-way line." Maybe should read "now seem reluctant to set foot over the half-way line.", or "now seem reluctant to step a foot over the half-way line." Probably the former. "Certainly the lack of attacking mentality and the lack of an effective target man are certainly issues". Repetition, "certainly there are certainly issues", you wouldn't speak like that (unless you were Nick Clegg). I think this was mentioned by a previous poster (the repetition, not the Nick Clegg reference). Overall I thought it was a good effort, generally well written, has a beginning, middle and end, doesn't wander off at tangents. As far as agreeing with the sentiment expressed, I'd say yes, more or less. Can't blame it all on the board, the football management team have to take some responsibility. I was pleased to hear Clough do that after the Leicester game when he said that they set the team out too defensively. Of course, I'd rather not have had to hear him say anything of the sort, which would have meant that we'd won.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
froggg Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Excellent critique Hartley, are you an English teacher? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belper Bear Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Good post there, Hartley Hare, Something I was taught to do when producing written work was to read the piece out loud after you've written it as that often shows up the bits that don't work so well. Keep up the good work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartley Hare Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Froggg - English teacher? Nah, software developer. I write complete gibberish all day, that's why it's called "code". Belper Bear - That's a good tip. The number of times I've read through an item of course work from my son, and a sentence just comes to an abrupt and premature end purely because his mind has gone on to the next sentence before his hand has finished writing it. In fact, it would be roughly the same number of times that I've said to him, "Read through your written work carefully to make sure it makes sense and says what you intend it to say". Stony ground...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belper Bear Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hartley Hare - Yes, I've got a 16 year old son at home too so I can identify with your stony ground comment very clearly. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartley Hare Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hartley Hare - Yes, I've got a 16 year old son at home too so I can identify with your stony ground comment very clearly. :mad: Well, as much as I'd like to offer some words of encouragement for the future, I'm afraid that that is beyond me at this time. My lad is 18 in a couple of months and supposedly off to uni in the autumn, and he still makes the same daft mistakes in his written work purely because he's in too much of a rush to get it finished.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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