Mostyn6 Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Two blokes at work having a bit of a heated debate and one turned to the other and said.... "my **** goes to the same sewer as yours, so don't think you're owt fooking special!" ------------------------------------------------------- Arguably the most bizarre put down I've ever heard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mostyn6 Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 thread of the year aint it, this one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearam Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 The funniest one I ever witnessed was a lad named Seamus who I worked with trying the route one chat up method with one of the girls in the office. Seamus: "What's the chances of getting in your knickers tonight" Girl: "Seamus, there's only room for one c**t in there" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 The late Tommy Trinder told a story about having got about 10 minutes into his show at some West End theatre, when a bloke walked in with his trousers tucked into bicycle clips and walked down to a seat at the front, complete with bicycle. Tommy paused in the midst of his patter and said 'Good evening, nice of you to come' hoping to make the bloke feel awkward. The bloke replied 'If I'd known you were on I wouldn't have f**king bothered' As Trinder remarked later 'There's no answer to that' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Another showbiz comment, this timetold by Roy Hudd about himself. Having just left the studio after a radio broadcast, he flagged down a taxi. "'Ere you're that Roy 'udd, aint yer?" "That's correct" "My missus listens to all your programs" "That's nice . Does she enjoy them?" "Nar, she finks you're bladdy awful!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddie Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 A not at all very good comic I heard in a pub at an 'open mic' session in Dublin a few years ago was getting very pissed off with a heckler and finally came out with "Do you think that you can pick your teeth up with a broken arm?" It got the best (possibly only) laugh of his set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Hindge Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needles Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Winston Churchill had some crackers. Accused by some bint of being pissed, he replied "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly". Some other woman said, "Mr Churchill, I was your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." He came back with, "Madam, if you were my wife I'd drink it". Genius for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamNut Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I was on the receiving end once from one of my brothers snidey mates. We were in a pub having a drink I said " there's something wrong with this pint....it looks like piss" He responded..... "No mate, thats just your reflection". I still can't think of a decent response to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrivateDerby Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 You're so **** you smell like Nottingham Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leon the ram 2009 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 When I was in army I was once sat alone at a table in the cookhouse, when one of lads walks past and says "Sat with all ya mates again" "Yeah" I said " and there alot f*****g funnier than you" He just looked blankly at me and said " I ain't got an answer to that" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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