Igor_111 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 Hi fellow DCFC eternal optimists ?(realists need not apply) This post is the first time I have tested the waters as to whether I want to do is what I should do. Comrades... Please chime in. Long post alert.... I didn't really know who to ask as I need a mass response rather than a concentrated response from those that are close to me. Here goes... Ps this is raw as there are so many rabbit holes it's unbelievable. The basic gist is as follows: A very dear friend of mine was a victim of Domestic Abuse by now ex partner. The event occurred on friends birthday which makes it even more heartbreaking even though ex partner was not even with her on the day. Ex independently decided to beat on friend for reasons only ex knows. Ex has since been convicted of assault with restraining orders, comninuty services and a desirory compensation payment to friend. However, 5 years later after thousands spent on solicitors fees, court appearances for friends custody case of sibling its now come to a point where ex seemingly is intent on payback for bring found guilty and is hellbent on seeing friend homeless with scant regard with siblings wellbeing. I have enrolled to do a half marathon just for my personal satisfactory and accomplishment.. But the idea came to me in setting up a gofundme page in order to safeguard the future friend and sibling ie cover court costs, ensure friend and sibling is ultimately taken care off. I have never done anything like this before but my intention is to save my friends soul and in turn siblings wellbeing Friend is a shell of former self. Years of emotional,psychological and physical abuse has taken its toll on friend. Court and solicitors fees has left friend on the verge of breakdown (I am convinced she has has numerous breakdowns already but has brushed them off for all sorts of reasons.. (As you would do for the sake of sibling) Wow.. This is long.. So ultimately my question to the DCFC universe is.. Even though friend is not keen on me doing a gofundme page as friend doesn't feel it is right asking people for money, I have to reluctantly ignore her request and do what my fellow DCFC suggest after their Derbian analysis for one of their own ? NB I haven't done a gofundme page yet. Each morning for the last week I am going to do it behind friends back and surprise her after court case conclusion. To be honest, it's driven me bonkers as to whether I ask the universe for help or let friend be at the mercy of the Judge.. hence this post. Will edit tomorrow. As I said earlier, this is raw ??? I welcome any advice tips, suggestions, barristers/solicitors Part 36 experts /Pro bono ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 I can't help you, I have no expertise on anything like this and would not know what to do in your position other than what you are doing - being there for your friend. Whatever happens, I hope your friend finds some peace and happiness and I hope they realise how lucky they are to have someone like you in their corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor_111 Posted March 5, 2021 Author Share Posted March 5, 2021 Thanks for that last paragraph. I'm not ashamed to admit it turned me into a blubbering wreck for a few minutes. The impact on me has been enormous as well. I've tried to be stoic but it takes it toll it ways you don't even want to admit. The main thing for me is that my friend and sibling are looked after and away from the tryant. Anything I can do, I will. I asked for a wider consensus on this matter. No need anymore. I'm doing it!! Moderators.. Am I OK to post a page on here? If I can, I'll share details of when I chucked Steve Cross' boots in the gutter ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 12 minutes ago, Igor_111 said: Thanks for that last paragraph. I'm not ashamed to admit it turned me into a blubbering wreck for a few minutes. The impact on me has been enormous as well. I've tried to be stoic but it takes it toll it ways you don't even want to admit. The main thing for me is that my friend and sibling are looked after and away from the tryant. Anything I can do, I will. I asked for a wider consensus on this matter. No need anymore. I'm doing it!! Moderators.. Am I OK to post a page on here? If I can, I'll share details of when I chucked Steve Cross' boots in the gutter ? Go for it Igor, once you've shared the Steve Cross story!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 I'd think very carefully before going ahead, especially as it would be against your friends wishes. You risk upsetting her further, and possibly would put your friendship at risk, and the last thing she needs is one fewer friend at this time, however well intentioned you are. It's a horrible situation she finds herself in, and I understand you wanting to help, but I'm not sure what you propose would be the best way to help. It would be very hard to raise money via GoFundMe to directly help your friend, while protecting her identity and privacy. You might be opening her up to trolling, or worse give her ex grounds for claiming her motives are financial. You'd know that's not the case, but lawyers are paid to make the best defence, I wouldn't give them the chance. It might sound harsh, but let the legal system do its work and reach a conclusion, and in the meantime be there for your friend in every other way possible. I hope you both get the justice and resolution you need. BTW, if you're doing the half marathon, set up a GoFundMe page for Crisis, post the link on here and I'll certainly contribute. Best wishes to your friend, and yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uttoxram75 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 10 minutes ago, Rev said: I'd think very carefully before going ahead, especially as it would be against your friends wishes. You risk upsetting her further, and possibly would put your friendship at risk, and the last thing she needs is one fewer friend at this time, however well intentioned you are. It's a horrible situation she finds herself in, and I understand you wanting to help, but I'm not sure what you propose would be the best way to help. It would be very hard to raise money via GoFundMe to directly help your friend, while protecting her identity and privacy. You might be opening her up to trolling, or worse give her ex grounds for claiming her motives are financial. You'd know that's not the case, but lawyers are paid to make the best defence, I wouldn't give them the chance. It might sound harsh, but let the legal system do its work and reach a conclusion, and in the meantime be there for your friend in every other way possible. I hope you both get the justice and resolution you need. BTW, if you're doing the half marathon, set up a GoFundMe page for Crisis, post the link on here and I'll certainly contribute. Best wishes to your friend, and yourself. Good advice Rev ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor_111 Posted March 6, 2021 Author Share Posted March 6, 2021 6 hours ago, Rev said: I'd think very carefully before going ahead, especially as it would be against your friends wishes. You risk upsetting her further, and possibly would put your friendship at risk, and the last thing she needs is one fewer friend at this time, however well intentioned you are. It's a horrible situation she finds herself in, and I understand you wanting to help, but I'm not sure what you propose would be the best way to help. It would be very hard to raise money via GoFundMe to directly help your friend, while protecting her identity and privacy. You might be opening her up to trolling, or worse give her ex grounds for claiming her motives are financial. You'd know that's not the case, but lawyers are paid to make the best defence, I wouldn't give them the chance. It might sound harsh, but let the legal system do its work and reach a conclusion, and in the meantime be there for your friend in every other way possible. I hope you both get the justice and resolution you need. BTW, if you're doing the half marathon, set up a GoFundMe page for Crisis, post the link on here and I'll certainly contribute. Best wishes to your friend, and yourself. With a heavy heart, you are right. I have made extensive queries with gofundme as to keep the campaign as anonymous as possibly and dis get some good feedback from them. However, if the other party gets wind of this and put 2 and 2 together , the end result could be devastating. I think I will just setup a personal page and take my chance from there. Once the half marathon is done, I can distribute however I want? I'll post a post a link here sometime over the weekend. I have literally no expectations regarding the amount to be raised, or how long it will take me to do the half. One thing that will keep me going regardless of the amount raised is knowing why I am doing it. Thanks again for the sobering reality check.☑️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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