Day Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Is out now, [url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-****-Life-So-Far/dp/0007324499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254407483&sr=8-1]http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-****-Life-So-Fa...54407483&sr=8-1 Don't really want a hardback but could be waiting for months for it to be released on paperback Heres an extract from the book.... My friend Thomas Duffy and I both joined the Cubs, which we loved. I think we’d exaggerated the subs to our folks so we could buy Slush Puppies on the way home. Our parents never caught on, even though we’d always come back with bright blue or purple mouths and crippling headaches. The Cubs was run by a lovely lady who lived round the corner from us. I don’t think she knew a single thing about the Cubs or the Scouting movement; she just started it up in the church hall to give us something to do. There were none of the awkward formal greetings and knot tying of the proper Cubs. If you wanted a badge you just told her and she’d set you a totally arbitrary task. I got my sports badge for running round the hall. There was a great fancy-dress competition every Halloween. Once I went as the Hulk – painted from head to foot in watercolours that dried on me in such a way that I seemed to be walking around in a huge scab. Thomas, quite brilliantly, painted an enormous cardboard box and went as an Oxo cube. He made his dad walk us up to the hall as he had a real paranoia that a passing lunatic might set fire to him. The Cub leader’s brother would come to the meetings a lot to help out; he was maybe in his twenties. The last 20 minutes of most meetings involved him tying an enormous running shoe to a big bit of rope and making us jump as he swung it round faster and faster. Who knows what was going on in this guy’s life that he’d turn up every week to blast wee boys into the side of a public building with an enormous shoe, but we were really glad that he did. I even won one week! I was encouraged to stage a high jump competition at some railings near our house, hurting my balls quite badly. Our outfit or unit or whatever (not having been in the proper Cubs, who knows what the term is) went to a real Scout camp once and it was absolute chaos. There’s always been something suspect about Scoutmasters to me. Middle-aged men taking young boys into the woods to practise tying knots is clearly not good. If you’re going to get felt up in a tent by the Scoutmaster then the very least you should get is a badge that you can use to cover the hole in the back of your shorts. There was also some weird sectarian thing going on with the guy who was leading the trip. I was too young to decode what was going on but when the kids started singing ‘Flower of Scotland’ on the bus he went absolutely tonto, making the driver pull into a lay-by and giving a truly crazy, bulging-eyed speech about the Queen. That’s a real thing with sectarians – they always assume that people are interested in the ***** they talk. He was literally foaming at the mouth about the Act of Union, in front of a bunch of 9 year olds who were thinking about when they might get a hotdog. Of course one must avoid generalisations but that man was definitely a paedophile. At camp, we were no more prepared to set up tents and light fires than a tribe of monkeys. In fact, one of our guys (a real wingnut who seemed much too tall and old to be a Cub) immediately climbed a tree and started screaming like a monkey, breaking off branches and throwing them into the camp. Another got off the bus and just ran straight down towards the river bank, crashing straight into the river. The real Scouts looked shell-shocked as the monkey guy leapt down from the tree and tried to engage them in swordfights with an enormous stick. Clearly, all pretence of being a real outfit, unit or possibly troop had been blown. The Scouts sent an observer to one of our meetings. I missed it but apparently he stood around slack-jawed watching boys get pelted into stacks of chairs with a big training shoe. We were all made to attend a real Cubs meet in a better part of town. The Cubs had to line up and do a little salute at the start! The leader was called Arkela! The gymnastics badge didn’t simply require jumping two-footed over a chair! Their leader called out a boy to give a mad little speech about the history of Scouting. He had an enormous gumboil, easily half the size of his face, and spoke in a wet mumble like The Elephant Man Jr. The meetings must have been bad because our Cubs got shut down and there was **** all to do again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thornhill Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 from that small passage sounds like it might be a decent read, might have to pick it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 Phoned the missus to see if she could take a de-tour home past Tesco and see how much it is knowing full well she'l end up buying it whilst she's there mwhahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheepyderf Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 i use the same trick with our lass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 The only downside is that she'l have full access to the TV remote tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 think id sooner eat my own ear wax than read that jock crap to be honest! and yes i would:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 Finished this book in the early hours of the morning, it's a funny but can be quite a strange read in places which is probably down to drug abuse. On the final page he says his tour next year will be his last and he wants to get out of show business and find new challenges such as writing a novel or a film if possible, not sure if it's a wind up although it seemed quite genuine. A shame really as he's a quality comedian, canna wait to see him live next year, our tickets came the other day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bakeri666 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 I'd love to see the film that comes out of his mind... that'd be awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perky1106 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I want to see him live but I don't want to sit at the front! He takes the rip. He called a kid a 'trainee paedophile' in his last standup DVD! :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrOrdinary Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 i didnt even know he had a book out! ive only just got his dvd, it is bloomin good, would be awsome to see him live Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangerous Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 he is good,takes things too far though for my liking.Much better than that freak russell howard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyTheRam Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 he is good,takes things too far though for my liking.Much better than that freak russell howard. I think RH is good tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangerous Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 its all opinion mate.I like Dara Obrien,Tim Vine and Michael Mcintyre.Andy Parsons too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrOrdinary Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 tim vine, what a hero! he has mad abilities with the one liners! russel howard was alot funnier before he started getting massive, same with mcintyre rhod gilbert is well good, young welsh guy and jon richardson, hes pretty funny too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derbydan Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 he is good,takes things too far though for my liking.Much better than that freak russell howard. how very dare you lol russell howard is mint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 russell is very good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bingy Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I'm off to see Jimmy Carr on Friday I will give you all my feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derbydan Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 lol whatever you do don't try to film him on ur mobile some guy did that when he was in blackpool he came off the stage and smashed the guys phone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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